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Fatigued after moving

(19 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Sat 22-Jul-23 20:42:43

Hi there, I have relocated to another part of the country after being in a very toxic relationship. My family hated my partner but somehow I was trauma bonded to him. I won't go in to detail but the last time he had a go at me physically and mentally I suddenly hated him so much (I previously had accepted the roller coaster relationship and stayed as I thought I loved him.... I know... totally crazy) and I left. This behaviour of love and hate from him had been going on for over a year. Now I'm in a beautiful part of the country in a lovely house however a week after moving I have become so exhausted. I ache from head to foot and am so tired. Do you think this is normal? I have family support and feel safer than I have ever felt. I suppose I want reassurance... I really feel battle weary and really want to get on with a peaceful life... so now why so tired. Any suggestions on how to regain my strength would be so welcome. TIA. x

BridgetPark Sat 22-Jul-23 20:50:50

Your body is telling you to be easy on yourself. You have been through such an emotional time, all the adrenalin must have been coursing through your body, and now it will take time to get back to what is normal for you. Just relax, and accept that it is not going to be a quick fix, but it will get fixed in the end, because thats what nature and your body will achieve. Don't be anxious over this, don't start feeling it's not happening quickly enough, it will improve in time.

crazyH Sat 22-Jul-23 20:56:45

Take it easy - you’ve been through a lot - is it any wonder you are so tired?

merlotgran Sat 22-Jul-23 21:04:21

I really feel battle weary

That’s exactly what you are so take things slowly. Go for short walks, gradually increasing the distance and don’t feel guilty if you need a proper rest/sleep during the day.

Make sure you are eating a healthy, balanced diet and treat yourself now and again.

Take advantage of your family support and when you are ready you will hopefully make new friends. Little by little your confidence and strength will return but don’t be afraid to contact your GP if your exhaustion continues. Stress can affect you in many ways.

Good luck with your new life.

Wyllow3 Sat 22-Jul-23 21:08:01

I've been through similar for 11 years and last year was the getting ut and the divorce. I held it all together through that process tho abuse going on right through it. The it started hitting me like BridgetPark describes.

Unless it was "all bad" Lucyloo12 which it wasn't for you and neither was it for me you have experienced loss and there is possibly grieving to do. When you were busy moving it's likely to have been out to one side. but you were in love and thought he loved you and you cant get over it quickly is my experience.

So you have to give recovery the time it needs and be very patient with yourself and give time for feelings and the deep goodbye to process is my experience.

There isn't a short cut, dont force yourself, recovery takes time, just as other kinds of loss do. But imo what you are experiencing - and advice from my counsellor, who has worked with abuse situations for years, is normal for the situation.

VioletSky Sat 22-Jul-23 21:11:08

It could be you have been living in fear, your body fueled by adrenaline and now that is gone

You are safe now, you can rest but do what you need to do to take care of yourself. See the doctor, have a physical and mental checkup

You should be so proud of yourself

absent Sat 22-Jul-23 21:24:57

A major part of an abuser's agenda is to belittle and make you less until you stop trusting yourself, your opinions and your decisions. Ultimately you just feel worthless. That in itself is exhausting and debilitating. That you have found the strength and courage to leave is a major achievement and a huge step towards recovering yourself. Just moving and making a new start is physically exhausting in any circumstances but extra tiring and stressful when you are already at a very low ebb. Take time to establish your new life and concentrate on your well-being. It helps if you can spend a few minutes at the end of every day to congratulate yourself on what you have achieved. It doesn't matter if these achievements are small; they are significant. If you take what my family always calls "little big steps", you will be surprised how much and how quickly life improves. Been there, done that and wish you well.

VioletSky Sat 22-Jul-23 21:45:20

After a normal breakup, you are still you

After an abusive breakup, you have to find all the lost pieces of yourself and put them back together

Ziplok Sat 22-Jul-23 21:45:56

You’ve gone through a lot of mental (and physical anguish). It’s no wonder you feel tired. This is your bodies way of telling you to be kind to yourself; so, take things slowly. Give yourself time (lots of it), try to relax. Give in to the need to sleep when you can (this is easier if you are retired, but even if not, take things slowly and don’t rush to take on things until you feel you want to).
Moving in itself is stressful, but on top of all the other anguish you have gone through, your body will be totally exhausted, so try to accept that you are tired and allow yourself to do nothing sometimes - kick guilt onto the back burner.
Take moments to sit and stare - do nothing, let your thoughts wander. Take that walk, have that long, luxuriating bath, read that book in bed, have a lazy breakfast, etc, etc. Above all, as I said be kind to yourself. 💐

Lucyloo12 Sat 22-Jul-23 21:51:39

I do love all your comments, thank you. I feel I've gained insight from each of you. Relaxing is my greatest challenge, after being on high alert it is so hard to let go. x

grandtanteJE65 Wed 02-Aug-23 13:28:34

Even if you hadn't had the upheaval of moving, ,just getting out of a bad relationship (well done!) could easily make you feel as you describe.

You have been under a lot of mental and physical strain, so give yourself time to relax for a week or two.

If at the end of that time you are still feeling all in, then go to the doctor. Reasurrance that there is nothing physically wrong with you will help you over the tiredness.

pascal30 Wed 02-Aug-23 13:42:37

You've just been through two of the most stressful situations moving house and relationship breakup. Your body has been on high alert for some time and now you are in a place of safety you also have grief to deal with.. so it will take some time to begin to feel truly safe and free. just really slow down and try to live day by day... give yourself permission to enjoy everything you choose to do and especially resting and sleeping. I wish you much happiness

Granmarderby10 Wed 02-Aug-23 13:53:32

Enjoy your new place by only buying and cooking meals you love.
Do any housework required in little bit sized chunks then break off. Go out if it’s fine weather. Sit in another room and listen to music, do a craft, read.
Don’t feel guilty about what is not perfect. This is your home.
No need to rush or explain to anyone else.

fancythat Wed 02-Aug-23 13:56:30

Treat the relaxing and rest and sleep as part of your new peaceful life.
Get new bedding if that helps. Create a peaceful ambience in the bedroom.

silverlining48 Wed 02-Aug-23 14:09:56

I agree with what everyone has said.
Be happy Lucy and well done fir having the strength to make a break from an abusive relationship. Enjoy your new home. It’s safe, it’s yours.

saltnshake Wed 02-Aug-23 14:19:09

You have been through a really tough time. You are exhausted mentally and physically. Your body is telling you to rest and take care of yourself. As well as feeling tired don't be surprised if you keep crying. Don't worry if you do, it's normal, it is not a sign of weakness but of release. It is one way body helps repair itself. Wishing you well, don't push yourself and you will heal in your own time.

HeavenLeigh Wed 02-Aug-23 14:28:16

Well done you, I think it’s also that living in an abusive relationship would put your mind in high alert and I’m sure you were living on eggshells you have left now and don’t forget moving is also stressful. Your body has gone through a lot and now it’s telling you to rest and think of yourself,wishing you lots of luck for the future and so glad you have a safe haven to recuperate which can take a while

Mollygo Wed 02-Aug-23 16:43:12

Two traumatic changes-well done for making them but now you deserve a well earned rest from the move and chance to relax away from the stress of your relationship. That will probably be harder than the exhaustion of moving.
I’m glad you have family support. Hope you feel better soon.

RusBun Mon 11-Sep-23 23:34:02

Moving the house and divorce are the two most stressful events, and you had them together. No wonder it has taken its toll and has possibly undermined your health - I had mine and got a chronic fatigue syndrome for life. It might take a long time to recover, but would help if you work on de-stressing and recovery, like after a major illness. You might want to consider help of a therapist. Take care of yourself