Completely 'gut', or sell and re-buy?

If there was one obstacle after another with the other house, it was obviously not the right one for you.

Whatever you choose, Nansnet, don't do what I always do ie compromise.
The house you own now sounds as if it's in a good location for future-proofing. If you decide to stay, have the kitchen you dream of, refurbish exactly as you want it and enjoy it.

Buying property is such a hassle these days, I really don't know if we can stand to go through all the stress again ... it's worn us out!
Moving house is apparently one of the most stressful things you can do. The money involved would go a long way towards refurbishing the one you have.

It's worth noting that many places have changed a lot over the last few years - services are no longer available, shops have gone. Some of what used to be 'nice', well kept areas have got run down. If you haven't lived there for a while it may be worth getting to know the area again before making a decision.

Callistemon21...
"If there was one obstacle after another with the other house, it was obviously not the right one for you."

That's what many people have said to us, it wasn't meant to be, and I actually believe that now, and I've come to terms with it.
DH has already said, if we're going to refurb, we'll do it properly, no cutting corners. All I've ever wanted is the kitchen of my dreams, and now I have the chance to actually have it!

AreWeThereYet

It's worth noting that many places have changed a lot over the last few years - services are no longer available, shops have gone. Some of what used to be 'nice', well kept areas have got run down. If you haven't lived there for a while it may be worth getting to know the area again before making a decision.

Yes, indeed. The area has changed over the years. However, having family & friends living there, it's an area we still visit fairly regularly, so we're still very familiar with the area. No surprises for us.

The refurb seems to be the short term answer to your dilemma, Nansnet. There is always the option to sell up and move at a later date if DH still wants a different house. But he may well love what you have both done and be happy to stay.

Yes refurb and have the kitchen of your dreams. Future proof the layout of the house. Done well it will always be saleable in years to come. Sounds ideal and an exciting project. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

If you have lived away from your original house for any length of time nothing will be the same as it was! Life moves on and things changed. But the importance of local facilities doesn’t change. I think your old house has a great deal going for it.

If you decide to sell and re buy you’ll have twice the hassle and houses are not selling too well just now because of high interest rates.

The important things to me as I age are living in a safe area, close to friends and some family, accessible facilities as others have said, easily maintained house & garden, and access to countryside, and transport.

Depending on the cost of a new house, stamp duty alone would probably pay for a new kitchen in your present house, plus all the other fees incurred in buying/selling, which could go towards refurb. Importantly imo better with “the devil you know”!

You could always get Kirsty & Phil to help you 'Love it or List it

Having bought and sold over 12 homes, we have quite a bit of experience!

We have done complete refurbs and I would love to do it again.
To have a property in a good position is worth a lot.
To be able to have the work done before you move in is perfect!
Plus you know the house well enough to have a very good idea of how the house will work for you.
Better the devil you know…the house won’t hold any surprises!

We bought our house in 1991 and over the years made many alterations and improvements, but there were still things I wanted to do.
In 2017 we had a major house fire and had to move out while it was rebuilt. The insurance company and the builders said now is the time to make any changes if you want to: we had no internal walls upstairs so they could be put back anywhere. At my friend's suggestion we had one bedroom made bigger and one smaller so they're both the same size now.
Downstairs we had a dividing wall removed (that was at extra cost to us) and an open-plan space created, something I wanted to do for a long time.
We had the conservatory side walls bricked up and a solid roof put on, plus a radiator fitted in there for the first time, so it is a much more useable room.
So now we have the house we bought, in the area we know and like, but it's finally how we want it.

keepcalmandcavachon

You could always get Kirsty & Phil to help you 'Love it or List it

Ooh, yes!!

We can all watch, Nansnet
🏚🏠🏡

When I moved back from abroad to the house I'd rented out.it was such a relief to be encircled by my old friends and it was in a location that suited me.. I would talk to an architect and have your house designed to your specifications. It will feel completely different but all the things that really matter will remain the same.. you can explore new places on holidays

Is your old home near doctor/dentist/shops etc? What seemed ideal when young can turn out a liability in "old age" (sorry!) If all is well then I would definitely spend on getting my old home transformed into my new ideal home.

I used to work in an estate agents and it is always better to think of location first as a slightly neglected house in a good area is much better than a renovated house in a bad area.

Love it or list it? It's surprising how many on that programme decide to love it after Kirsty's refurbishment. (But I feel a bit sorry for Phil.)
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I would do up the house to an acceptable standard and then live in it for 12 months. Then make a decision if you're going to stay there or sell and move. It will give you a chance to make a decision that you have thought through properly as atm you are disappointed about loosing the other house.

We had a LOT of stress buying our current house. Three deals fell through for various reasons (and we were cash buyers with nothing to sell at the time).

The one we bought still took nearly a year from offer to completion and then needed quite a lot of work done. Thankfully we had somewhere else to live while refurbishment took place. We've spent money, particularly, on a downstairs shower room, insulated walls, and lots of extra insulation in the loft. It's not perfect but it's a lot better than it was and the heating bills are bearable.

We then had a lot of stress selling the old house - mortgage deals falling through etc.

So my advice would definitely be to tell your DH to get over himself, and refurb the existing property.

Dear Nansnet
We were in exactly the same position - years abroad because of husband's job - rented out Grade 2 listed house, came back to a wreck... and they hadn't paid any rent for over a year - saying the place wasn't up to scratch - washing machine and dishwasher faulty etc. We were advised to send money to buy new machines - which weren't there when we came back of course. They had also been subletting the rooms to immigrants, causing lots of annoyance to neighbours because of parking, fights and noise - as well as running a secondhand car business - all the drains were blocked with filthy old car engine oil, so we had to have a professional clean out which took 2 days. They had nailed carpet onto the Minton Tiled hall and sawn off the bosses on the ornamental bannisters. When we came back we also had a procession of debt collectors calling for money owed - some of them quite aggressive! In those days if you were a 'landlord' it was assumed your name was Rackman so we had no redress as solicitors told us they would never pay any fines. We stayed in a hotel when we got back until they eventually left - I had threatened to camp out on the front lawn with my children and ring the newspapers.....

the one thing you cannot change is the location, so I'd be focussing on that....not just as it is now but which way is it going? More crime, less crime? more building? local shops coming or going? I have got many practical reasons for wanting to move from my current house but the location is pretty much perfect so here I stay. I really don't get the "not moving on" argument unless you want to live elsewhere for a reason (nearer shops, more privacy and so on)

My vote is for refurbing. I have had 2 lots of solicitors cease trading and 3 buyers pull out. Buying and selling a house has become much more difficult over the last few years. Each failed deal took about 5 months to fall apart. So much stress and disappointment let alone money wasted by all involved.

A refurb would allow you to create a future proof home and if you find it doesn’t suit you in a couple of years time you can always move then and be selling a ‘move into condition home’ and would potentially recoup your refurbing costs.

Is a house ever perfect? You might do it up then one of you get very ill and you need a flat or a bungalow. All the money invested to make your home 'perfect' might not be to anybody's taste. Let's hope your husband is more sensible!

Local amenities would be a big influence for me. The only concern I would have with gutting a property would be the mess and dust which would cause no end of health problems for both OH and myself.

Interesting post….we were having similar thoughts when we about to retire and return after 15 years of working abroad but deep down I just knew we couldn’t go back to living in the same house we had left all those years ago. So we sold it - eventually (as it was looking tired from having been rented out) and bought a spacious apartment in a beautiful location that we had completely renovated throughout before we actually retired and moved back. It was a good decision as we travelled a lot in those first 8 or 10 years after retirement and we had the freedom and peace of mind to come and go without worrying about leaving an empty house.

I was in a similar situation although very different reasons. I stuck with the old house and had it completely refurbished. All is now up to modern standards, new windows and doors, new wiring, plugbsockets all over including one that should I need a stair lift could plug it in, new bathroom with everything in a different place making it more user friendly and kitchen with all new appliances, completely redecorated, new heating system, ugly 70s fireplace replaced. And various structural repairs that needed doing.
It was a lot of work but taking into account the cost of moving, stamp duty and the fact that anywhere else would need work doing on it in the future even if not now, it seemed the best option. It is a house that I am not going to need to worry about anything structural for the rest of my life. Still some outdoor stuff to do but that wasn't urgent.
It is the right size for me and am near many things I need, on the edge of suburbs and countryside and a 20 walk from the station. Any village nearby has transport problems.Near my daughter, I can get there by car easily, and she works nearby. Not too far from my son either. If ever I need to sell, it will sell for a good.price.as it is in effect a new house
Give refurb a serious consideration, you could end up with a home that you have made ready for the rest of your life to your own specifications