Decluttering and ruthlessness!

Hi, I know it can be difficult but we recently cleared my parents’ house as they’d both recently died. We started off so sympathetically and tearfully but after days and days of sorting through mountains of stuff that no one wanted, no charity would take, etc., we were absolutely sick to death of it all and started just ruthlessly binning all their possessions that they’d held onto for decades. I vowed I wouldn’t have my children getting rid of my stuff in such a hard hearted fashion so I’ve started decluttering now. Thinking of that may help you get rid of things whilst you still have the energy to give things away and there is pleasure in your stuff helping someone else, hope this helps and grit your teeth and get in with it! Good luck .

I moved back to the UK after 26 years abroad and downsized at the same time. I found it very positive to rid myself of things I had kept without ever really using or looking at. Having had to clear my parents' house after their deaths, I vowed never to give my children such a sad and laborious task.

Hi, don’t bin photos that mean so much to you . Bin stuff you’re not emotionally attached to.

Ask your kids of friend to help.
When my daughter moved I helped her declutter. Much easier with a 2nd person to refer to!

Last time I moved 15 years ago, I had 43 years of stuff in the attic alone to declutter. Had moved 5 times before and a lot of the stuff had just remained in boxes for the 43 years. Two skips needed plus trips to the recycling yard. I could not believe how all the stuff had accumulated basically sentimental and keep it in case it's useful later approach. Felt so good to get it all cleared out. Now, being on my own, it's definitely a do I need it now approach as well as a do I want my family to have to clear out my junk when I'm gone. I know most of it will not be kept so why hoard it now.

Some good ideas on here that I shall use myself. How you are feeling mentally affects a lot of things. So my books and paintings are all important to me. When I am anxious about some looming cancer treatment or going to doctors, what does not work is when other people offer to sort it for you. NO NO NO, I need to be in control! But what worked well that we found is that my husband was a great declutterer when he was in the mood, but I got very panicky at the tought of things being thrown out that I handnt checked. So he would go through a drawer, putting back the things that needed to be kept, like spare bulbs or batteries etc. Then he would put all the things that he wanted to throw out on a table or on a tray, and in another pile he would put anything that was broken So then when i was ready I would go through all the tray. The broken things were usually easy to deal with or there might be something that wants mending, so that was easy to do firswt. Then I could scan the little bits and pieces, as there would usuallly be little spare bits and pieces, tht you needed to keep. So usually about 70%of the tray would be thrown out and I was ok as I knew that I had checked them all and there was nothing being secretedl away.The positive feeling to have got rid of some things and the drawers look so uch better and then I can calm down and feel pleased with what I managed to get done, and the drawer looks tidy.

Skydancer

I have a question. I have a very pretty jar which belonged to my Grandmother. It means a lot to me but not to anyone else. It is about 80 years old but I doubt it’s valuable. I couldn’t bear it to go to a charity shop and would love it to be on display somewhere. It is immaculate. Does anyone know if any organisation accepts such items to use rather than to sell? It would look gorgeous in a NT property for example but I don’t know if they’d want it.

I too would love to know this. When I moved here 40 years ago I couldn't afford bedroom furniture so had my Nans Victorian pine dressing table and wash stand. I also have all the jug, bowl etc. I used it for about 35 years before I treated myself to a new bedroom but would love it to be kept for posterity - not worried about money for it.

Whiff

Should say when I moved here I sold some things via vintage cash cow including gold and silver jewellery made enough to buy double bed ,mattress and bedside for my spare bedroom.

Sorry - personally I wouldn't use Vintage Cash Cow as I think they are a rip off. Spent ages some time ago sending allsorts and wrapping carefully - knew they weren't worth a fortune (they hope you send a Rolex or something you don't know the value of.) The offer wasn't very good at all so asked for them to be sent back. They did but all the jewellery was screwed up in a bag so some had got damaged. I complained and they sent a cheque for not much less than what they offered for all the things.

Sixteen pairs of scissors! I've got five and thought that was too many?

I am in awe of Jaxjacky! Well done. I have a 10% rule for January. One in 10 of EVERYTHING goes. Doing well so far. 3 large bin bags full of clothes and linens gone to charity. Another bin bag full of underwear / nightwear gone to the bin. And 15 pairs of shoes gone too, some hardly worn but uncomfortable. I do resent getting rid of things that have cost a lot, but at the end of the day if I don't want or use them they might as well bring pleasure to someone else. Re books and CDs etc. I take a photo of the covers before getting rid, as mementos. All music can be downloaded and a photo of a book cover that was once loved us enough to bring back the memories and joy of reading it.

Just before Christmas, I decided that we were going to get rid of our Christmas Tree, which had lived life in the back of a wardrobe for over 10 years ! ( long story but when DD2 came back home to live, she brought her doggie , and I never put the tree up incase he decided to "relieve" himself on it). I walked just round the corner to where a person I know had just opened up a charity shop, she said she would be delighted to accept anything I had, I told her that some of it might be "tat", but she had an answer to that too, boxes outside the shop which said FREE TO TAKE, she said she sometimes had to refill them a couple of times a day.
So we trundled round to the shop, Christmas Tree in a huge holdall, old suitcase (only thing wrong with it, was a broken handle on the side, but it had wheels) full of decorations, some almost brand new, I kept the things that children/grandchildren had made at school, they are parceled up, living now under the bed, marked, when we are gone "do what you like with these". other visits to her with CD's, DVD's even old books, some way over 40 years old.
Can't say the house feels much de-cluttered, but a start has been made !!!!

Cambsnan

Baby steps. Throw away one thing a day! With the CD’s you can get small cases with slots for the disc and the paper sleeve. Just ditch the plastic cover. Saves lots of space. Download a scanning app and digitise those photos. Chuck out any that are not perfect or show people you can’t remember (those people you meet on holiday 20 years ago). Good luck

Throw away one thing a day!
Well, I broke a lovely wine glass last night. Only one left out of a set of four now.

They may as well be used and enjoyed rather than end up in a charity shop or a skip one day.

Cateq

We have loads of cds but no cd player, but DH won’t part with them. Any suggestions on how to get him to change his mind😂

The problem with CDs and DVDs is that they can't be recycled and, unless they're collectable, will end up in landfill.

I'm waiting until they become collectable like vinyl and tapes!

I just joined a decluttering challenge. It starts on Monday so we'll see if that helps.
I hsve a friend that comes over qland helps me sort through stuuf and anything to be donated she takes with her right away.
I also belong to a mamas group where needed things are gifted or traded for. I like to give things here as I know they are needed and appreciated.

I had to downsize a few years ago due to DH being unwell, it all happened very quickly and I literally only had a few months to declutter before we moved , due to his illness DH was only able to help sort things out sitting down but he done the photos, CD's and DVD's and his tools. I think it concentrates the mind and I was quite ruthless, perhaps a bit too much sometimes. At least you are making a start, don't give up allocate a day a week to doing it then hopefully it won't be such a chore. Rome wasn't built in a day.😘

We have loads of cds but no cd player, but DH won’t part with them. Any suggestions on how to get him to change his mind😂

Apologies if said before, but if you want to declutter read Marie Kondo's method - it really helped me.

I try hard to do this but find it incredibly difficult, always have. I regularly think about that Swedish death cleanse and really don't want family to have to go through mountains of stuff after I'm gone and do realise that sooner or later I will have to move to a smaller more central location. I need an injection of ruthlessness!

Had to do it 3 years ago when moving house. It was very daunting and emotional. I had saved everything my kids had had, from first teeth to cards to notes to clothes to toys. I found doing a room at a time easier than one big swoop. I soon found out that neither adult child had the same sentimentality or emotional attachment to their things that I did. I sold a lot of their toys as they were from the 1980s/90s and classed as Vintage. I took photographs of some things. You do have to think is it better to throw away now or leave it to someone else when you're gone? Chances are they won't even look through things, just bin them.

Baby steps. Throw away one thing a day! With the CD’s you can get small cases with slots for the disc and the paper sleeve. Just ditch the plastic cover. Saves lots of space. Download a scanning app and digitise those photos. Chuck out any that are not perfect or show people you can’t remember (those people you meet on holiday 20 years ago). Good luck

My partner who I didn't realise was "on the spectrum of Autism " ,until my DIL pointed it out, has always been a collector. There have been various interests over the years, costing hundreds, and now all gone. But the latest collection, which I think will endure, is artisan glass. As he has got older his obsessions have got worse and now he has short term memory loss, but not where the glass is concerned. But it's his only interest in life, so, although not encouraging it, I go along with it, even though we now have over 600 pieces.

My DHs mother and dad kept everything of his and gave it to him when they decluttered, now he has things here including every dusty toy, project and book he ever owned. He shows no sign of wanting to declutter. Whenever I do, he makes me feel guilty or tells me I am wasteful

It’s a difficult thing for sure. But leaving it to others once we have gone is not nice for them.
There are people who offer this service who will come to the house and help you.
Also rather than a big ruthless event it might be good to do it in stages. And let go with each layer that goes out of the house. A more gentle process.
The main difficulty is giving things to charity shops that are of significant value but the children didn’t want.

I say that these hoarding areas are stagnant areas of the house and it does feel energetically clearer and cleaner and lighter once the stuff has been removed.

If a place is full to bursting there is no room for ‘the new’ to come in.
Good luck.

Please don't just bin things - either shop or Freecycle them.

I’m smiling away here at you finding 16 pairs of scissors - what a haul! ☺️