Is it really a good idea to move again?

As you are asking the question, obviously you do not feel it would be a good thing to move again.

Moving away from shops within easy distance etc. at your age (the same as mine) is plain stupid, and buying a house again, well.

To me it does not sound as if your DH is going to keep it in repair etc. so could you reach some compromise?

Could he rent a shed, he could use for storing his tools and as a workshop, somewhere near your present flat?

Your post could be read as describing your ideal home, but not his. Or it can be read as you having made new friends and found interesting things to do, while your husband remains seated on his backside, surfing the internet and doing damn-all.

The truth is presumably somewhere between this two harshly described poles.

Is your husband well, ill, depressed, unable to handle the transistion to retirement, or has he always been this way?

Obviously, you love him, otherwise you would not be asking for advice, or putting up with his stuff all over the place.

Will he let you sort through his "stuff" and suggest what could be thrown out (oh blasphemy!) or given away?

Both my parents and my husband could NEVER THROW ANYTHING AWAY. When my father died in 2009, there were clothes and Christmas decorations dating from 1947 when he and my mother married, income tax returns etc. from 1975-2009, things from his parents' home, which my parents had decreed were too good to throw out, but had never used, so I know what you are up against.

My sister, husband and I needed 8 consecutive industrial skips to contain the things we threw out from a house my parents had only lived in since retirement in 1980 till 2002 and 2009 respectively, and they had disposed of a great deal of stuff when moving out of the house my sister and I grew up in. We sold a few pieces of furniture and handed three car loads of clothes into the nearest charity shops.

So show this to your DH and ask him two questions: does he really want to have to sort through all this alone if you predecease him, and does he think it fair to leave you to deal with it, if he goes first?

It's time to stand your ground Extratime. Tell him you are not prepared to move again and that the addional "stuff" needs to be moved out to a storage area or storage and office/workroom he can go to ... and the bills for that should be his not shared.

He's more selfish than he has earned the right to be.

My thoughts exactly, Greciangirl. In addition it’s said the cost of moving can be around £20K - which could cover a few years of management charges?

It sounds very like he’s trying to bully you - don’t give in. I’d refuse point blank - it’s not as if yet another move is for health grounds or to be nearer family, etc? I think he’s got to look at paring things down/renting storage and even some intervention if he’s really hoarding. As FGT says, if he’s internet surfing all hours of the day, why the need to keep all the ‘stuff’?

Has he got outside interests like bowls, the gym, men’s shed, golf etc? If so, encourage him to go more often! If not, suggests he joins some. U3A seems popular where we live. Lots of interest groups.

Excellent idea butterandjam.

You've had enough of moving house and you like the area you're in.
You both agree the flat you're in is cramped because of too much of DH's stuff.

A compromise would be him finding somewhere in your present area and/or making a decent case for somewhere in a neighbouring area.

If you want this, or a further home, to be your last move you'll need to make this clear to your DH right away. Don't wait till he's started looking again.

It's really not fair for a "hobby" of his to disrupt your whole life repeatedly.

I can’t believe you have already moved 10times and you are both in your seventies, also.

Surely you can see that this is not a sensible thing to do at this stage of life.

Your husband is obviously not thinking straight.
But you are and you need to tell him it’s not an option any more.

As others have said. If he wants to keep stuff, it goes into storage.
A much cheaper option than moving house,
What were you thinking!?

RiverGypsy

Tell DH to move on his own if he wants to buy you are staying.

Ideally, he just needs to buy the flat next door for himself . Then you don't have to move, and you'd both have plenty of room for Stuff, hobby space, etc.

You could send him to your local Mens Shed. DH spends ages at the local one where (in theory) elderly gangs of men make useful stuff using the Shed's vast collection of wonderful tools (and materials) donated by local businesses. Much time is spent discussing their health symptoms and what's wrong with their home computers.

It's like playgroup for old boys.

Tell DH to move if he wants to buy you are staying.

Tell DH to move on his own if he wants to buy you are staying.

It sounds as if your husband may be autistic and researching and buying houses is his special interest. If so, he will have a strong drive to do it over and over again and will be very frustrated if he can't. If so, it is very difficult for you as his partner. Perhaps you could look up online information, especially other people's experience of having an autistic partner and see if you recognize any of it. I would say autistic partners also have strengths in relationships.

The problem is he keeps moving the goal posts V3ra Now he is saying that there aren’t any more countries he wants to visit and flying has become too stressful!

We got rid of a lot of furniture and stuff before we moved Mt61 It was my job to either sell it on Marketplace or give it to charities, but there were still items of furniture he refused to dispose of. We have 3 sofas , 3 display cabinets, 2 huge wardrobes…. I could go on but you get the picture!

Luckygirl3 Yes exactly, this I think is the problem!

He wanted this apartment because he thought it a good investment.

Oh dear, classic hoarding syndrome. When you decided to move, you should have stipulated that stuff needed to go before hand.
Has he got some sort of MH, perhaps! I use to hoard a bit, had CBT therapy, which did help.
What good is storing stuff- I find now, if it doesn’t get used in twelve months, I sell, give it away to charity.

I was very aware when he suggested moving to this apartment that it would be cramped, but he reasoned that it would be very secure for when we went away for long holidays, more accessible to the airport...

I'd suggest that now you've moved to the apartment, that he chose from the sound of it, you should encourage him to spend his time researching these holidays he talked about taking 😎

This sounds like my mum. They moved a lot. It reflected her boredom with life and gave her a goal. But she sadly took her problems with her wherever she went.

Thank you everyone for your replies. They have helped me to clarify my thinking.

I have suggested a storage room but he says that won’t work as his things won’t be easily accessible.

He has been doing a lot of research into properties and admitted that it is his hobby, from which I have concluded that if we move again it will not be for very long!

I was very aware when he suggested moving to this apartment that it would be cramped, but he reasoned that it would be very secure for when we went away for long holidays, more accessible to the airport and it was close to local parks and restaurants.
He was fully aware of the high management fees which I had reservations about, they have increased quite dramatically since we have lived here, but we can afford to pay them!

Yes he is being stubborn and pig headed MOnica !

Tell your husband you do not want to move out of the area and let him do all the search and legwork for the new property.

If he do manage to find a new house with a garage, you must make sure that the house is adaptable to old age so that you do not have to move again.

We live in a house in a very good location, my husband is too old to move house and I am currently looking at ways to connect the outside toilet to the house in order to future proof our house.

If the flat management fees have come as a surprise to H, I'm betting it wasn't him who organised the downsize move..

So if he wants to move again, it's his turn to do the leg work.

Good thing he loves surfing.

He can let you know when he's selected a few suitable areas, listed criteria for the bungalow, researched all local services, contacted estate agents and obtained a load of property details.
and printed them all off for when you have time to give some thought to moving again.

I think you should agree to move on condition you find something in the area. That then is a compromise. There is bound to be somewhere that will suit you both.

I would stand stum and just say you cannot face another move.

I agree with the storage room, but if he spends all his time surfing the net, what is all the stuff he has that he cannot part with. I am naive enought to think this is something you should both sit down and discuss in an open fashion, with each acknwledging the others point of view and then negotiate a future that is satsfying for both of you - he has a store room, for example and yu stay put.

But actually realise that your DH is not capapble of such a discussion. So the only thing you can do is be as pig headed as he is and just refuse to move.

I empathise with your dh, he needs his space too and a garage is ideal for hobbies. I insisted on a garage when I moved house and there is only me, wood carving, cycling, workbench etc

I would say to open your mind and also look for areas with all the facilities you might need, including public transport. It sounds to me as though your feet are stuck in clay and your poor husband is yearning for a bit of freedom. He surfs the net because he is bored out of his mind. Look for mens sheds too, it sounds as though he needs more company

If he does the work to find somewhere local, then discuss it.

Some of us were brought up to “make the best of it” and find it hard to assert what is best for us. But I really think you have to tell him that you are not moving out of your area. Your social life is just as important as his belongings, which seem to be the reason he wants to move. As you get older it’s increasing ly important to have support networks that you can rely on.

I’d suggest a storage unit too. If you move to accommodate his stuff basically that’s what you’re doing - paying for storage.

If your husband spends most of his time on the internet (I do too some days) his possessions don’t sound as though they are for any hobbies.

Maybe discuss the reasoning behind him not decluttering?