Should I renovate or move

Yes, you have a really valid point there, Barmcake. Glad we’re friends. Life’s too short for unpleasantness.

Crossstitchfan

Barmcake, thank you for your apology, which I happily accept, and I don’t want you to feel bad over it. We all say things we are sorry for afterwards, and at least you apologised - lots don’t! Also, I was maybe a little oversensitive, and it was silly of me to take it to heart. Let’s put it behind us now.
I am so sorry to hear about your brother. That must have been unbearable for the whole family. We all have awful things to cope with, don’t we?
I wish you and your family all the very best, and thanks again for your reply.

That's very gracious of you of and it's made my day.

I'm so sorry to hear about about your poor health and wishing you nothing but the best.

No-one escapes suffering in this life and if only we could all resolve our difference like us the world might be a better place.

Barmcake, thank you for your apology, which I happily accept, and I don’t want you to feel bad over it. We all say things we are sorry for afterwards, and at least you apologised - lots don’t! Also, I was maybe a little oversensitive, and it was silly of me to take it to heart. Let’s put it behind us now.
I am so sorry to hear about your brother. That must have been unbearable for the whole family. We all have awful things to cope with, don’t we?
I wish you and your family all the very best, and thanks again for your reply.

A warning, and a clear direction against certain kinds of posting.

Our society is still one that find it hard to look death in the face. But people would be supportive.

If someone has been through terminal illness it must feel like a kick in the teeth if a healthy person says they have no wish to go beyond a certain age.

A separate thread with a warning maybe.

(Or indeed, people say how do I cope with this knowledge? at our ages, death of self, of friends and family, is often ever present and not a non go area) xx

Perhaps discussions about how long we want to live (which includes reasons why), could be an entirely separate thread, so no one has to read anything unless they choose. When Mental health is involved, especially suicide, feelings come out that may not under usual circumstances.

Crossstitchfan

I am dismayed at those of you who, even though you say you are quite well, don’t want to live longer than 82. Perhaps if, like me, you got a terminal illness, at an earlier age than that, it might change your mind. I want to live for many more years than I will probably be able to and I resent those who flippantly dismiss life in the way you do. It is hurtful and, yes, insensitive.
Think whatever you like, but do you have to post such an upsetting idea? You have no clue how you have made me feel as I read that.

Crosstitchfan: I sincerely apologise if I've upset you. I do see your point of view and it must be hard to hear from someone who is physically well.

I don't really know what to say but feel upset that I've upset you. Please forgive me. I will stop and think more before I post.

My brother committed suicide two years ago because life was just mental torture for him. Mental illness runs in my family unfortunately and it gives one a distorted view.

Wyllow3

like it. I doubt there will be many eligible bachelors there, you might have to go online 🤣

Yes, the possible clique aspect is a concern.

I had made up my mind when I thought it might be sooner by deciding to keep myself to myself, and never, ever gossip as in talking about one to another.

Which is a good rule of life anyway, is it not?. By doing that time you earn a place of respect in a community. As a trained therapist it's a rule of life really. Dont encourage confidences: respect real pain, but don't feel you must intervene

I don't think there is a Grandadsnet.

That's good advice as the gossiper always gets gossiped about. Moving to a new home always attracts the local gossip, who makes it her business to find out your life history and share it around. I openly say to people now, I don't like knocks on my door and am happily alone.

Respect is earned by not gossiping and I too keep myself to myself.

I am dismayed at those of you who, even though you say you are quite well, don’t want to live longer than 82. Perhaps if, like me, you got a terminal illness, at an earlier age than that, it might change your mind. I want to live for many more years than I will probably be able to and I resent those who flippantly dismiss life in the way you do. It is hurtful and, yes, insensitive.
Think whatever you like, but do you have to post such an upsetting idea? You have no clue how you have made me feel as I read that.

"I'm sorry but I wont talk about one resident to another, its not fair"

like it. I doubt there will be many eligible bachelors there, you might have to go online 🤣

Yes, the possible clique aspect is a concern.

I had made up my mind when I thought it might be sooner by deciding to keep myself to myself, and never, ever gossip as in talking about one to another.

Which is a good rule of life anyway, is it not?. By doing that time you earn a place of respect in a community. As a trained therapist it's a rule of life really. Dont encourage confidences: respect real pain, but don't feel you must intervene

Wyllow3

What I can effectively do when the time comes is choose a number of flats within the McCarthy and Stone building (I like sun, a view others don't for example, they quite like not over heating and the garden view is better at the back) and

just "Jump" the moment one of the flats I like comes up. Keep my house repaired adequately and when the time comes splash out on an in depth clean and complete garden tidy, tart the house up a bit etc etc.

There is a McCarthy Stone building in my town. Flats at the front are practically on the beach and they have french windows opening on to a balcony.

I did look into it today, as one lady mentioned, they will buy your house and help with moving. I do hope all works out well for you when the time comes.

As Satre said 'hell is other people'. Well done for battling the bullies and getting the house finished. Hopefully, you can relax and enjoy it now.

I suppose it could be like being on a cruise ship, but you can't just get off. There are dominant personalities and cliques in every institution. I did read one post on here about a lady squabbling with a fellow resident and not being to afford to leave.

I will choose somewhere with lots of eligible bachelors who can take me off into the sunset if I get fed up.

What I can effectively do when the time comes is choose a number of flats within the McCarthy and Stone building (I like sun, a view others don't for example, they quite like not over heating and the garden view is better at the back) and

just "Jump" the moment one of the flats I like comes up. Keep my house repaired adequately and when the time comes splash out on an in depth clean and complete garden tidy, tart the house up a bit etc etc.

barmcake

Wyllow3

Bucking the trend here....my house is a detached very little one, two bedrooms, sort of terrace size.

I'm only 74 but have decided that when I can't cope with here I will actually go to the McCarthy and Stone I know well as a friend lived there. And people still there.

Not much sign of perms and twinsets, rather people who have been professionals with interesting things to say and wifi.

Its in a really nice place. The flats are big, warm, and very well insulated noise wise. Thick carpets everywhere. Lunch if you want to or too tired to cook is around a fiver.

There is always someone there 24/7 on the desk. Its lively in the communal areas.

No worries about intruders or answering doors. A lot of privacy, you don't need to "mix" if you dont want to

Yes the annual cost is high and they are hard to sell - but all those looking after property worries taken away.

DS and DiL would rather I felt happy and safe then get £30.000 more inheritance and trouble selling.

Lovely gardens - looked after by someone else. sunny views into the distance. Same doctor as now. Tesco and Sainsbugs walking distance, or deliver anyway. A nice Costa I know already for a change in company.

I'm not sentimental about my home as it's not a lifetime home. I dont hoard stuff, never have. And if you ar prepared to lose a % of worth on your house they will buy your house and help you you move, pack, move, give you 2 weeks to make the transition not one day. Its comforting knowing its an option.

You really peaked my interest at the mention of them buying and helping with the move. I'm at a stage where I'm prepared to lose almost any amount of money for the sake of peace of mind. What use is money if you feel constantly stressed. It's 1.50 a.m., and I know I won't sleep again.

I'm also not ready for twinset and pearls. I prefer to do my own thing and am a loner but we all need a cuppa and chat at times. Thank you so much and good luck!

OK, here we go:

what they do is give you about 82% of your house's value. They have valuers but of course what you do is get 2/3 quotations from well respected local agents to talk them down if they try it on. As I said, my son and DiL care about me, not the money they might get.

The removing of the terrible anxiety of "will your home sell" and what happens if the buyer drops out and that awful gap while you hope things will work out and don't lose the flat you want is taken away at a flash.

They are used to people asking for tours, showing you the facilities (in my local one, a computer room, a laundry, a dining room, the big communal lounge, the garden space to store a bike or wheelchair or mobility scooter etc etc downstairs .

some people deal with the anxiety of that moving gap and the worries well, I dont, so its a good option for me.

I'd have a different take personally on "Pay out over the odds - to get peace of mind". But I've had to deal with a lot more than it being an unreliable builders area - I had a family that thinks they're "It" here and "carry weight" with other locals. So I feel I've had to battle my way through a lot to get my house finished and deal with the bully family and their circle - so I'm determined to get the "reward" for all my efforts with both them and the house itself and just live here peacefully and that's it (now they've been "put back in their box").

The area I'm in is changing - for the better I'd say - and I do have several neighbour households a little bit further away that I wouldnt go so far as describing as friends - but we're on friendly/do odd favours type terms.

Really the only reason I could think of to move is I'm very used to doing voluntary type work - in umpteen organisations over decades - and I've found I've not been able to do voluntary type work here - and for the daftest of stated reasons when I started two of them (eg I didn't join in a conversation 10' away from me that centred round "Plaid Cymru are lovely....yes they're lovely" being shouted at top of her voice whilst she kept looking over at me willing me to agree with her and I just kept my mouth firmly shut and head down getting on with other things) and didnt say a word and kept as expressionless a face as I could.

But - I don't want to move again now at my age - bar a lottery win that allowed buying a similar house to my own (which would be more expensive - as it would probably be back in my dearer home area) and getting it sorted before even selling my current one.

So the area you live in/might live in is a factor too imo.

I'd feel concerned myself re going into a McCarthy and Stone type set-up (quite apart from the money) in case there was "Someone who thinks they're Someone" ruling the roost there and telling others how to think/what to do" and I would tend to think the risk of someone like that would be too high personally. I know a lot of people "keep their head down" if someone wants to be bossy/in charge - but I personally treat them exactly the same as everyone else and scrupulous about no "head bowing" and don't want to be "in charge" myself - but won't tolerate anyone else trying to be Queen/King Bee either. I wouldnt want to take the risk of landing up with someone like that having to be "put back in their box" and ignored until they accepted that, if there's 10 people for instance they have precisely 10% of the say (no more no less).

Wyllow3

Bucking the trend here....my house is a detached very little one, two bedrooms, sort of terrace size.

I'm only 74 but have decided that when I can't cope with here I will actually go to the McCarthy and Stone I know well as a friend lived there. And people still there.

Not much sign of perms and twinsets, rather people who have been professionals with interesting things to say and wifi.

Its in a really nice place. The flats are big, warm, and very well insulated noise wise. Thick carpets everywhere. Lunch if you want to or too tired to cook is around a fiver.

There is always someone there 24/7 on the desk. Its lively in the communal areas.

No worries about intruders or answering doors. A lot of privacy, you don't need to "mix" if you dont want to

Yes the annual cost is high and they are hard to sell - but all those looking after property worries taken away.

DS and DiL would rather I felt happy and safe then get £30.000 more inheritance and trouble selling.

Lovely gardens - looked after by someone else. sunny views into the distance. Same doctor as now. Tesco and Sainsbugs walking distance, or deliver anyway. A nice Costa I know already for a change in company.

I'm not sentimental about my home as it's not a lifetime home. I dont hoard stuff, never have. And if you ar prepared to lose a % of worth on your house they will buy your house and help you you move, pack, move, give you 2 weeks to make the transition not one day. Its comforting knowing its an option.

You really peaked my interest at the mention of them buying and helping with the move. I'm at a stage where I'm prepared to lose almost any amount of money for the sake of peace of mind. What use is money if you feel constantly stressed. It's 1.50 a.m., and I know I won't sleep again.

I'm also not ready for twinset and pearls. I prefer to do my own thing and am a loner but we all need a cuppa and chat at times. Thank you so much and good luck!

LilyoftheValley

So sorry you have had to go through this. I live in a dear little house which I love. However, because of a number of factors have decided to move to a smaller new build. I shall be doing a small amount of "tarting up" but have been advised not to put in a new bathroom and kitchen which are both needed.

I could put both in and attempt to stay but think it wiser for me to move. I wish you well.

Thank you.

It's going to be a wrench to leave a house you love. A new bathroom and kitchen wouldn't leave you much change out of £20,000 so definitely not worth it.

Many happy posters on here who decided to move to a new build. I would move and wish you well too.

Tingtong23

CORNERGRAN: how sensible and sensitive of you to cover the pros and cons of staying put or moving from a home full of memories and connections. I feel for the writer as it can't be an easy one to make - shame on the botched cowboy jobs.

Yes, this has been a terrific help and makes me realise that there are many options and light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish every town had some kind of certified register of traders dealing with the elderly. I worry most about those with early dementia. I've just got stupiditise, which can be cured.

WithNobsOnIt

aggie

I did sell and move , to a new build . Now im so glad

This the best move you could make.

Good Luck
,🤞

Pleased for you and very encouraging.

Thank you

Bucking the trend here....my house is a detached very little one, two bedrooms, sort of terrace size.

I'm only 74 but have decided that when I can't cope with here I will actually go to the McCarthy and Stone I know well as a friend lived there. And people still there.

Not much sign of perms and twinsets, rather people who have been professionals with interesting things to say and wifi.

Its in a really nice place. The flats are big, warm, and very well insulated noise wise. Thick carpets everywhere. Lunch if you want to or too tired to cook is around a fiver.

There is always someone there 24/7 on the desk. Its lively in the communal areas.

No worries about intruders or answering doors. A lot of privacy, you don't need to "mix" if you dont want to

Yes the annual cost is high and they are hard to sell - but all those looking after property worries taken away.

DS and DiL would rather I felt happy and safe then get £30.000 more inheritance and trouble selling.

Lovely gardens - looked after by someone else. sunny views into the distance. Same doctor as now. Tesco and Sainsbugs walking distance, or deliver anyway. A nice Costa I know already for a change in company.

I'm not sentimental about my home as it's not a lifetime home. I dont hoard stuff, never have. And if you ar prepared to lose a % of worth on your house they will buy your house and help you you move, pack, move, give you 2 weeks to make the transition not one day. Its comforting knowing its an option.

So sorry you have had to go through this. I live in a dear little house which I love. However, because of a number of factors have decided to move to a smaller new build. I shall be doing a small amount of "tarting up" but have been advised not to put in a new bathroom and kitchen which are both needed.

I could put both in and attempt to stay but think it wiser for me to move. I wish you well.

CORNERGRAN: how sensible and sensitive of you to cover the pros and cons of staying put or moving from a home full of memories and connections. I feel for the writer as it can't be an easy one to make - shame on the botched cowboy jobs.

aggie

I did sell and move , to a new build . Now im so glad

This the best move you could make.

Good Luck
,🤞