How much have your neighbours cost you?

Having lived abroad and moved a lot of times, I have had all sorts of neighbours, Mostly fine, but varying customs made differences. When I lived in Damascus, I had some very nice syrian neighbours, who were very welcoming and invited me into their homes. However some of the women were not allowed to visit me in my home as my husband was british and not moslem, and it was not considered correct for them to visit. Another time in england, I had a lovely neighbour, who was orthodox jewish. So again I was very welcome in her home, but she could not eat in my home as I did not keep kosher, but occasionally she would let me take her to a kosher cafe.

I found most people to be decent neighbours and you learnt what sort of a neighbour they wanted to be, so some would just say good morning, but would take in a parcel if necessary, others would become friends but there was one man who caused me quite a lot of heartache.

At the time we were living , in England , next door to a lovely elderly lady. She had been a gardener , but was no longer able to do much. My husband and I were friends and we would get coal in, collect her shopping etc etc. We also brought her garden back to how she liked it and on the adjoining fence I grew clematis, and she enjoyed it all as we did. Then she died and a man bought her house. It was a very hard time , as I also then had ovarian cancer and had had an operation and was coping with chemotherapy and all that entails. Feeling very sick and sometimes only able to look out at my garden, but looking at it helped me and I would look forward to next year and plan what I would do, and enjoy the flowers.

One morning I had been particularly ill and feeling dreadful, opened the curtains to see all my clematis chopped down and dead. The man next door had cut it all down. That was the last straw and I sat and sobbed and said I will never see it again. It was such a blow, and more so because I hadnt been expecting it. My husband went to speak to him, and find out why, and he said he didnt like it all untidy etc and it was on his side of the fence. But if he had come round and spoken to me about it I could have sorted it and moved it to my side. Yet that was typical of that man.

Obviously I am still here so survived the treatment etc etc. But it was so hurtful, such a blow at that time, and so unnecessary. But once I calmed down a bit, I decided that I must not let him ruin things. He was definitely an Anal retentive, as he did garden if you could call it that. Everything was in straight lines and clipped etc. Nothing was allowed to be natural. That was his choice of course. However petty it sounds I knew that I would not help myself by bottling up how I felt , but needed to in some ways ignore him, whilst finding a way to let my anger out.

In the back garden there was a bit near a gatepost where there was a dandelion growing through from his side. There was no way I would have asked a favour from him, so I used my brain. I planted several nasturium plants in that area. They did the job for me and smothered the dandelion, without the need for me to speak to him at all. At the same time I thought of what might annoy him. There was the answer. I simply picked two or three dandelion "clocks" from the hedgerow and when the wind was in the right direction, blew them to check the time!! It pleased me in ,I must say ,rather a petty way, to see him weeding his garden.

I am not proud of my petty behaviour , but at the time it was a way to keep going. We were friends with every other neighbour on that street, and he did not make friends with anyone but whilst he did not cost me actual money he deprived me of my pleasure in my garden at a time that I was in desperate need to find things to enjoy. The joy of growing things, countryside and wonderful plants and perfume, have been my place to go to for solace when ever life has been difficult, so it did cost a lot in what matters in life to me.

I do think that gardening is a great hobby, even if I cant do much these days. Hearing what Trump or Putin are doing? Get the secateurs out and do a good bit of snipping , with them in mind. Annoying letter from the taxman , dig those weeds out with gusto. Once we get a little more light, dont listen to the news in the morning, go outside and be pleased to see the snowdrops coming out as mine are right now. Soon of course will come the yellow book and the open gardens, where we have the chance to leave worries at home, and visit lovely gardens and get ideas for more pleasure in our own. So despite all I am still here enjoying my gardening and hope to keep doing it for a bit longer yet.

One neighbour of 4 years...just let's on to say hi and thats it...but will take in parcels no problem...they have a big party once a year...very noisy but fine as once a year .....other neighbours 10 years very chatty....water out plants when we on holiday .....costs me a bottle of wine... I also givetheir kids chocolate atchristmas and Easter....they looked out for the housecwhen we went overseas for 7 weeks ....took in post...watered in door plants ...I bought them a gift for this

I recently downsized from our family home of 30 odd years to a semi bungalow 10 miles away and I was a little apprehensive that leaving my lovely neighbours and getting used to new ones might be the compromise.

My fears were unfounded. The morning after I moved in, before I’d even had a chance to say hello, welcome to your new home cards popped in the letterbox from neighbours on either side. They couldn’t be friendlier. Next door couple are about 15 years younger than me. Gave me their mobile number and said don’t hesitate to phone if I have a problem or need help.

Our neighbours now are lovely and have been very helpful since my DH became disabled.
But we had really awful neighbours in the previous property we lived in, they had frequent rows which became violent on both sides, we called the police more than once thinking somebody was being killed, and after that they deliberately started played loud music late at night and banging on the walls. When we went on holiday other neighbours told us that they parked on our drive and even could be seen using our garden as an overspill when having a party. But they didn’t cost us money just our sanity.

I can understand thinking "....and they arent the ones having to put up with all their renovation going on". Didn't apply here - I got somewhat fed-up with people better off than me that had moved here going "...oh just rent a house to live in whilst your own is being done". Errrr...nope....couldnt even afford to look at that option - and cue for sometimes literally climbing over possessions everywhere/dust and rubble to find a way into my bed in my own house to be able to sleep at night. Lots of dust and rubble for the first few months here for sure....but I was the one on the receiving end of it.....and wondering how to solve things like "How do I use a loo - whilst my bathroom is being ripped out? There is just one bathroom and with one loo in it". I would have loved to have had a neighbourly offer to use a loo sometimes and, if I was very lucky, "Oh just come and have a shower in mine if you need to - I can see you must be having a problem doing that in your own house at the moment...."

Healthwise my neighbours have cost me priceless amounts.

They're the 9th lot of neighbours and by far the worst. They're about the same age as me (70's) and brought with them two years of dirt, noise, skips/rats and portaloos whilst the house (terraced Edwardian) was gutted in the name of ecology (they stayed in a hotel throughout the work).

The end result's ridiculous, standing out like a sore thumb in a row of sympathetically renovated Edwardian houses.

They acknowledge no-one and it feels like the look down their noses at their neighbours.



































































The end result's ridiculous, standing out like a sore thumb in a row of sympathetically renovated houses. They acknowledge no-one and it feels like they look down on us as yokels.

In my previous house my neighbour didn’t exactly cost me money, but they complained about my son playing his flute
( not as if it was a trumpet or trombone).
They caused us extra work when they cut back foliage on their side that came from a shrub on our side, as is their right, but just threw the cuttings over the fence on to our lawn. This was actually after we had moved out and were waiting for a buyer, so it entailed an extra trip back to clear up the mess before the next viewing.
My current neighbours are delightful, so helpful. We are “ link detached” ie joined by a garage, and sometimes they need access via my garden. Even if they have workmen who don’t need access they keep me informed and apologise for any noise or inconvenience. They had a lot of work done before they moved in, so lots of vans always around, and on the day of my husband’s funeral they ensured that none of their workmen were there.
Neighbours the other side just say Hello, but did bits of shopping for us during Covid and consult about any work that might impinge on my property.

Allira

^she went off to her friends and told them "Vendor has got a buyer. You'd better stop pretending not to be interested after all and playing a waiting game waiting for him to reduce the price" and that vendor was back to me only two weeks later when I said I'd found my own buyer and demanding an extra £2,000 (because he could see there was competition for the house).^

How do you know the NDN went off and told her friends that? Do you know her friends?

Sorry, is it just me who is confused about what happened?

There were enough clues to work it out - including all the glares from the would-be buyers who'd just let the house "sit there" apparently unwanted for months, when they werent trying to park in my garden or blocking it.

All confirmed to me recently by a local I'm friends with/supportive of her enterprises she does who knows absolutely everyone here it seems - and she's confirmed it. She tells me a lot about how things work round here (usually along the lines of "Don't use any of the solicitors here - they all meet up on the golf course and tell each other every confidential thing they know"). She doesn't miss much....her family have been here since Year Dot....

Nothing. We live in splendid isolation and can’t really see our neighbours unless we go out to the letterbox. They recently had a huge tree cut down and the tree loppers lopped a branch going across our drive for free. We chose this house originally because we didn’t want to look at anyone or see anyone from the house or garden. That was many years ago, probably not easy these days. We live in a ‘protected’ zone so you are not allowed to subdivide your land. Good. We do share with many wild animals and birds 🦅I like them.

My neighbours are fine. There was a bit of damaged fencing on one side last year so we shared the cost of fixing that. No problems.

JaneJudge

your neighbours sound a nightmare Cariad

Thankfully I think (fingers crossed VERY hard) that that's all over now (as it was certainly both expensive and time-consuming).

I could almost laugh - as there was a couple of times where someone I'd never clapped eyes on before was "having a go" one way or another and in this town the street naming is seriously wierd in a variety of ways and I had gotten used to the fact that I'd be asked exactly where I lived and the way this would be done was often to say "OOOOOH....you live next door to (Miss Troublemaker) ringleader. OOOH #impressed" and so I could see just how many people she knew and how influential within the bounds of this little town she'd been used to being. Whereas the outlook of the city I'm from could be summed up as "I've got several people round for coffee and one of them is Summat Major in our government/someone else's government or Family. They'll take their turn to be served their coffee with everyone else - because 'so what?'".

Thankfully now the area is doing just what I thought it would - as house after house is being bought and then either "properly renovated" or "bodge renovated for a profit". The neighbour who mended my computer is now doing the 2nd renovation on his house (one of his houses!!!) since I moved here (as he got thoroughly annoyed by the bodge renovation previous owner had done) and the area is basically "shooting up" (a great improvement from my starter house area - which was basically "going down").

So I did my best to just ignore all that whilst it was going on - and to make it plain I wasn't used to it and wouldnt give way to it.

So I "hung on in there" and kept on renovating the house and did my best to ignore the flack. I have a pretty good idea that it was as bad as it was because of me being a lone woman - though that didn't accord with what I'd been used to either...and so I shut it out.

One Boxing Day our downstairs loo blocked. The man from Dyno-Rod called me out to examine the tangled blockage he'd removed from the sewer. Close inspection revealed the items must have come from next door. (I'm too old to need such items - don't ask).

she went off to her friends and told them "Vendor has got a buyer. You'd better stop pretending not to be interested after all and playing a waiting game waiting for him to reduce the price" and that vendor was back to me only two weeks later when I said I'd found my own buyer and demanding an extra £2,000 (because he could see there was competition for the house).

How do you know the NDN went off and told her friends that? Do you know her friends?

Sorry, is it just me who is confused about what happened?

I'm another who has always managed to get on with neighbours. I can't think of any money we have spent as a result of someone else - if we had ever wanted more privacy we'd have taken steps, but I wouldn't see that as someone else's responsibility.

I suspect a lot of this is more about attitude, really. My daughter has been having problems with her house that are costing a fortune to put right, and it would be cheaper for her if the neighbours had their own (identical) problems solved at the same time. Although the job would be bigger they could share scaffolding and so on, so each would pay less than if it took two separate jobs - the builder has confirmed this. Obviously my daughter hoped that the neighbours would do so, but she fully understands that not everyone can put their hands on thousands of pounds overnight. They haven't cost her money by not complying - it's just that they haven't saved her money by having any to spend just now, which is their right.

Sometimes things are just that - situations that have arisen. I always see it as a waste of time to try to make them someone's 'fault' - it's far better to just solve the problem and move on, unless there is a clear victim seen as such by the law. If there is, then sue, if not there is no point in resentment as it will just make you feel worse. Deal with it if you can (high fences make good neighbours and all that), or move if you can't. The neighbours will have their own version of events.

Neighbours have ranged from noisy, lovely, ok ish unfriendly.None have cost us any money, other than new fences when it was actually their old tatty fences that blew down, but that was a very long time ago.
I would say you’re very unlucky CariadAgain I think I would have preferred to buy somewhere else seeing that a neighbour was nosy and gazumping going on.
As you are in Wales, do you think it’s cos you’re English? It does happen.

My neighbours are lovely. I’m sure they would come to my aid if I needed help.

I’ve never had problem neighbours, they have all been nice, helpful people.

I was confused by the title and couldn't understand how neighbours could cost you money.

So far, over many years, our neighbours have been great although the NDN in our last house was rather odd and refused to have towering leylandii on our borders chopped down. When she moved and more sociable neighbours moved in, we found the roots had gone up both our drains and blocked them! We had to get that sorted between us and had the trees removed. That was years ago.
We've moved since.

Apart from that, 🤞 fine!
None of them are intrusive but there if we need them, I hope they feel the same about us.

Had nightmare neighbours both sides, in our previous house.
One was a builder and constantly blocked our drive with his van .
The other, took down the very wide, (5 ft ) beautiful hedge and built a fence , encroaching into our garden, thus gaining 5 feet of land . He did this when I was on a 4 week holiday in Canada.
I had to take him to Court. I won ofcourse, but I had to pay the initial £2000 - it cost him almost £15000 (my legal fees, his, plus Surveyors fees etc)
I’m now in a rather peaceful neighbourhood with lovely neighbours, except one moody lady next door .
So basically, my neighbour cost me £2000

I've been fortunate with my neighbours. We exchange pleasantries and they mind their own business and I mind mine. I do feel for anyone that has bad neighbours as it can make your life hell. In the main, most of mine are fine.

Nothing always got on with neighbours wherever I lived.

your neighbours sound a nightmare Cariad

I ve either got on with my neighbours, or just had a passing good day. The ones at the moment we smile, and nod and I know they would take a parcel in for me, if needed and that’s it
We have an adjoining outhouse half their side half mine, when they arrived a couple of years ago, they reroofed the whole thing and didn’t ask for any payment, so the reverse for me I guess.

Looks like Greyduster and Eddiecat have got the most expensive "bills" to date.

Greyduster - dare we ask what your neighbours were doing?

Though I can certainly understand why people might move if the neighbours were bad enough - and I had to grit my teeth and make it very plain I was going nowhere (as I knew that was the reason for the trouble in the first place - ie the first next door neighbour had ganged up with anyone she could think of to try and drive me out deliberately - as clearly at least one of her friends still wanted my house themselves and, in fact, unless I am very much mistaken bought the next door neighbours house off her when she "moved on").

Never paid a penny wherever I ve lived