'Lend a Hand' mortgages to help offspring buy

i am offering to help one of my family to get a house..ie..putting a deposit down for them,,,,,,,but they want the key ...they want to do all the work,,,they dont want me to interfere...and have no part in it, just hand over the money. i feel awfully hurt as it would be nice to go out and do a bit of house shopping ...me paying i have offered........but now they have taken the excitement of it all out of my hands,,,,,i could go on a world cruise with the money instead,,,,,,,,i will never get it back,,,its a gift,,,but if they sell they will be liable for inheratence tax,,,,if we buy a house we will be penilizes by tax for renting it out to them,,,,,,,,now they are saying they dont want it always rubbing their noses in it that i gave them the money....like a big sum ! i wonder if its worth it helping them,,,,but maybe you have a nice family, im thinking twice,,,,when arguments happen it will come up,,,its easy to hand over money,,,but i would say goodbye to it,,,,i thought about a loan,,,but then that will put pressure on them,,,i thought about buying a house and letting them pay me back so they would pay no interest ,,,,,but thats classes as extra income,,,even if its family....i would look on the tax site to see how you stand, best of luck,,,,,,,,i might choose the cruise, !!!!!

I think it's only natural that if it's their first home, or first home of their own, they would want to feel that it's theirs - including doing all the decorating and furnishing etc. Perhaps they feel that your offer of the deposit comes at too high a price if you want to have a hand in the interior design as well!

I know you mean well - we helped out DD and partner with their deposit, but after that we stepped back unless asked. Young people like to feel independent and to make their own decisions and mistakes when it comes to setting up home!

I haven't a hope in Hades of getting involved in my DD's choice of home - she's far too independent and would want to nest with partner anyway (and nothing would make me happier) ... I went with them to the bank yesterday and the particular mortgage we investigated would have us simply putting a sum from our savings into this bank and it would be tied up for 3 years (so we're not parting with our money at all), and they are given a 95% mortgage at a preferential interest rate. But we are also considering other options, so I wondered whether anyone else had any experience of similar.

oh dear this really upsets me as we gave our estranged daughte large sum towards their deposit, and now we not even welcome in their home.

I still have the thank you letter from her in which she says they would never have been able to afford the deposit and get their home without our help!

life can turn in an instant.

makes it hard for my son as think we would be reluctant to part with large sum again and he just moved into rented place with partner, we will help if he marries but once bitten I suppose and we are on pension now, leastways hubby is I will have to wait until am 66 about 8 years!! so have to think of ourselves!!

i wonder how our children would manage if we were not here. and there wasnt any money left to them,,,,,,,,,,,they would manage somehow,,,,i have spent a lifetime saving and struggling at one time i had 3 jobs to make ends meet,,,i was a single mum,,,,now i am married to a lovely man . and we should be on world cruises and live in a nice villa abroad,,,but we help our kids,,,,,,,,,have we got it wrong....i wonder /

It's a personal choice we have to make, angie - what's right for one might not be for another. But any gift of money shouldn't come with strings, in my view.

angie ana in a way I agree with both of you. Gifts of money (unless they're loans of course) should be simply that, a gift. But angie I get what you say too, a while ago my daughter asked me incredulously how did we afford it for me to stay at home when my children were small and I said "We made sacrifices" and she looked at me as if she didn't understand what that meant. Then we both got the giggles.

we love our kids i like to help my kids but they drive you mad sometimes,,,,my freind is having an awful time with her abusive son at the momet,,,,,oh dear,,,today i was in town and i was sat next to another lady telling her freind about how she was so stressed over her son it was making her ill,,,,,,,,the other lady was moaning about her elderly father,,,,oh dear we all have problems dont we,,,,all the tapestry of life im afraid,,,,,,,at least i can die happy knowing i have helped my kids the best way i know how,,,,like everyone else may have done,,,,,,,,,,yes we made a lot of sacrifices,,,,my kids when they were young used to say mumthere is nothing in the cupboard what are having for tea theres nothing,,,,,but somehow i used to make a tea,,,i used to pretend we were on a aeroplane and i would do a little bit of this and a little bit of that...i would do little squares of bread with brown sause on , then little circles of bread with jam on......cut up a apple or banana if i had it and that was shared between us....and a bit of jelly that was cheap.....it was great and my daughters still remember it,,, good old days,,yes we had to compromise,,,,,i would burn old news papers to keep warm,,,and burn candles at night cos i had no electric,,it was cut off cos i couldnt pay the bill,,,,,,,,,youngsters these days havent lived,

angiebaby how touching, the way you looked after your children, I love that aeroplane game. My mum was the same, a single mother in the 1950s with three children, she would conjure up a meal from nothing. Even pudding - she would make sweet dumplings out of flour and make a cinnamon and sugar sauce with them, a tiny dot of butter on top was the big treat (in those days even poor people could afford butter, long before we all got "sold" on the health benefits of margarine. to you.

grannyknot,,,,,,,thanks for that,,,,when i look back it wasa struggle but it was fun,,,,,,,,i remember i used to buy 2 sausages from the butcher and devide them between us. we had oxo soup and bread. we also had cereal breakfast dinner and tea sometimes. i used to wash the kids clothes with a bar of cheap soap cos i couldnt afford wash powder......ah the good old days, one day my boyfreind then....brought me a chicken, all the featheres on it still. i said you didnt have to buy me that,,,he said its a present but cook it and invite me for dinner, ! so i did,,,,,,,he did it on a few accasions,,,,but funny thing was we lived next door to a church and round the back was the church chickens,,,,,,,!!!!!!! well long story short,,,,that useless idiot was catching them in the dark and ringing there necks and giving them to me next day.to eat. for ages i couldnt imagine where the chickens were disapearing to ? then i found out,,,,,,,,oh glory be........dear lord forgive me cos dear lord i know not what he did,,,,,,,lol. the kids thought all their birthdays had come at once, ha ha oh i got rid of the boyfreind,,,when the vicar came and knocked at the door had i seen his chickens, !!!!!!! whoops!

ana...yes true,