MY MOTHER !!!!! [confused]

Better to have it in place and not used than the alternative.

j08 How to cause massive worry and more problems when (or if) you become unable to deal with your affairs. How to stick your head in the sand!!

What?! We are supposed to put Power of Attorneys in place now? Why?!

Sod that.

Aka Thanks, I forgot that there are 2 parts.

And not just a LPA for Property and Finance, but also a separate one for Health and Welfare.

I hope ALL GNers have been sensible and made wills and put POAs in place. It makes life for our families so much easier, if they are needed, especially at particularly difficult times. It always amazes me that a huge number of people don't have either in place.

If anyone had done that it would indeed have been disgraceful, lucyjack. However Flowerofthe west was not expecting any such thing, as the rest of her posts show.

I never understand adult kids who complain that their parents have loads of money while they struggle to pay for holidays.

I think it's disgraceful to expect an elderly lady to hand over her savings to pay for their offsprings' holidays.

Flickety, No no no she would never agree to that. Have no reason as to why. I may suggest again that if she ever has to go into hospital (using my DH as an example) then she may want me to have access to her account to pay her bills. She is thinking of setting up a bill account though so that may be the solution.

Thanks for tip re the forms from bank though xx

That was what I was suggesting Flickety

Ariadne the thing to do is sort out a POA now, it then does not need to come into play until necessary. DH and I gave our children POAs for us as soon as they were old enough to legally take on the responsibility, we were in our early 50s at the time. My DS has done the same. My parents did it when in their 60s and theirs were never activated because both had all their faculties and managed their lives without problems until they died.

Flowerofthewest would your mother make her current account a joint account or give you the right to sign cheques on her account? One of uncles gave me cheque signing rights when he went into hospital but was not yet prepared.to make a POA. We got a short simple form from the bank that was dealt with in minutes.

Just re-read your post JO8, you do have a bee in your bonnet! I am NOT hankering after my mother's money, in fact the opposite. I could have POA if she agreed but she wouldn't understand what it meant. It's not that she is suffering from dementia its just that my mother is a simple soul who couldn't even write a cheque when dad passed away 30 years ago. He handled all the money and she still finds it hard to understand that the money is, in fact, hers and not the banks. She feels guilty when she takes some out, getting better at it now but she really isn't that worldly wise in these matters.

I do have money for our holiday, again, it was said tongue in cheek. POA would ensure that she doesn't write cheques for random men on the phone who are trying to scam an old lady out of £2,000 or more.

Elegran thanks for support and I totally agree she needs to be with all her faculties to make the decision for at least two of us to be POA. If, for instance, she has to go into hospital (I hope not) for any length of time then how would her bills be paid? When my DDH was sedated for 5 weeks last year then not able to communicate to me his pin number I was very much without cash for a while. We do have separate accounts and I needed cash at one particular time (not to go on holiday I may add) As soon as he could write (very awkwardly ) I asked him his pin numbers.- THAT was when I knew he had no brain damage, he gave them to me straight away. (Or maybe he did have some temporary brain damage - giving ME his pin numbers

The money WAS put back into her ISA Jo8, I was there and she has a letter printed in front of us confirming this, She only opened the account last year so there is only one years money to pay in. Also she was confused by the large amount on the statement which is from her savings.

JO8 For goodness sake, I was joking, tongue in cheek about her money. Of course its hers and of course I don't expect her to give me it. JOKE!!!!

The comment about us 'struggling' was meant to be funny. mum would laugh at it too. Some people certainly have had a sense of humour bypass!!!

My mother does feel more secure knowing that she has a 'nest egg' and I would never never dream of even asking her for it. We do joke that it would be nice to see her children's smiling faces if she gave us a windfall!! and she see it for what it is, a joke. She replies "It's all there for you and your sister when I am gone" She will probably outlive me anyway. Never seen a more active 87 year old.

I must say though that if I had an amount just 'sitting' in an account waiting for me to die I know that I would give my children some now, when they need it. That is just me. I don't expect that of mum.

I agree with Galen - There ARE not pockets in shrouds, never a truer word spoken.

My mother never felt ok unless she had at least £10000 in her current account. She left just under £600000on which we had to pay £100000 IHT.
After solicitors fees when it was shared out there was not that much. Also I did a variation on the will to give substantial amounts to my children.
For my 60th birthday she sent me a cheque for £10!
I try to give my children what they need when they need it!
As someone said ' there are no pockets in shrouds'
My DD has my power of attorney and has had it since my husband died.
Prior to his death we mutual POAs

My grandson may be onto quite a good thing with his"whatever!"

Maybe it was because you said:-

"Perhaps she feels more secure having it herself. Why should she give it to you unless she feels so inclined?"

I interpreted ""There's us struggling to find the money for our holiday in the caravan this year and her sitting on a gold mine." as a comparison. You appeared to interpret it as saying that they wanted the money given to them, and that the mother would not feel that her money was safe from them.

I must see people in a better light than you do. Just shows how written words can be read different ways.

I'm in a strop? With you?! Surely not.

Of course I did n' t mean anyone was going to take any money. Your mind working overtime again.

Do you think that means they meant to take the money then? Or were they just commenting on the contrast between them counting every penny and mother sending hers out into the wide blue yonder?

You are in a strop tonight, JO8

"There's us struggling to find the money for our holiday in the caravan this year and her sitting on a gold mine."

Have you actually read the thread?

I don't think she was to give it to anyone Jo8 - only to have them able to help her keep track of it. Presumably they family are trustworthy enough not to take it all while her back is turned. I don't think anyone would be talking about it on Gransnet if they had ulterior motives.

The time to link up with her is while she does have all her faculties - trying to sort out someone's finances once the faculties are gone is hair-raisng. It takes a long time and a lot of red tape.

It is your mother's money. Perhaps she feels more secure having it herself. Why should she give it to you unless she feels so inclined? You say she has all her faculties which means you can't do anything at allabout it.

I would hate to think my kids were hankering after our money to spend on holidays and suchlike.

How could she have put the money back into her isa? Once the money from an isa is taken out it loses all it's tax protection. She could only have put this year's allowance in again.

Flower your mum sounds quite a bit like mine - she created havoc with her lies. This made it more difficult to decide whether she was lying or confused but she was also getting more awkward. It seems to me that you ought to look for a good time to suggest something. We did with Mum and luckily she was being receptive.

A mandate on her account seemed less 'aggressive' that a full on POA which we tackled later [and then ducked] Only you know your own Mum but, as Ariadne says, before the crisis is better.

Ssshhh!! Ariadne. We keep talking about it and then do nothing!