MY MOTHER !!!!! [confused]

We do not have any elderly relatives, but the question in my mind now is this; what should we be doing to ensure that our children do not have these problems with us? How soon should we consider making them ready to help us? Really, I suppose, before the crisis, which could hit any time?

Worrying!

I had to deal with two sets of elderly relatives who refused to set up POAs. When the inevitably crisis struck we struggled because we had to get them to sign cheques they hadn't written, which in one case they were too ill to sign and in the other my uncle was convinced when he signed the cheque for the first months care home fees for him and his wife that he had bought the room they were staying in and for the next few months until the POA was sorted I paid the care home fees ourselves because I knew he would not sign another cheque. Fortunately I was able to afford to do so, but it would have been a real problem if I had not been able to do so.

Ageing mothers and their money problems can drive you bonkers. I've lost count of the number of times I had to cancel mum's card because she left it hanging out of a cash machine. She also thought her purse had been snatched from her handbag when all along she'd dropped it on the bus. The police were very sympathetic.....I was going up in flames!! She would insist on folding ten pound notes up really small and shoving them in a section of her purse where she'd forget them. When her sight became a problem (cateracts) she'd give the grandchildren what she thought was £1 each for pocket money and not notice their bemused looks as they thanked her for 10p.

When I got POA she would insist I go through her bank statement with her every month - probably to make sure it was all still there. It took me quite a while to convince her that bank balance hadn't shrunk, I just didn't need the statement IN LARGE PRINT.

The thing is my mother's mental state is fine, she is a little forgetful and doesn't always listen. She seems to do what is expected of her and always has, so its not just an age thing.

I will approach the bank re a mandate, I have the personal financial advisor's card so can contact her directly and warn her that mum has been tempted to give money away to random phone callers.

Again, Kittlester mum does have her full faculties, just bloody awkward and can get stroppy if offered help, always been the same. She also fibs to get herself out of perceived trouble like a child would. Gets herself in a terrible muddle through her porky pies.

I suspect that you will have to keep an eye on things now flower. Do think about, at least, getting your mum to let you sign on her account even if she is not willing to go as far as POA. In my experience there was only a short window when Mum was amenable.

Oh dear! I do feel for all of you who are having problems like this, and I am so grateful to my parents (both now dead, sadly), who registered Powers of Attorney in good time so that my brother and I were able to get involved when my mother needed help with her financial affairs. It made her feel better, too, that we would be able to keep an eye on things and deal with financial matters that she just could no longer be bothered with.

Now I must stop just saying that DH and I should register our own, and DO IT!

Hope you get your holiday, Flower - it sounds as if you need it!

Sorted!!! She had only closed and transferred a few thousand from ISA to her savings account after being advised by the bank not to put it in her current account. She had forgotten that she had put into savings account. She has now put the money back into the ISA and left the savings in the savings account. PHEW! she drives me bonkers. There's us struggling to find the money for our holiday in the caravan this year and her sitting on a gold mine.

Good luck at the bank Flower

The benefit of having a mandate on the accounts is that as Mum's abilities have declined I have been able to assume more and more responsibility without having to the activate the POA.

Mum also gave me permission to speak to utility companies on her behalf. We just rang customer services, they spoke to Mum who answered some security questions and that was that. Mum had to sign something for the Pension Service, I think.

Lots of us have posted about our experiences with our aging parents so there will be lots of support on here, in the future, should you need it!

Hopefully the shock of "losing" £20,000 will let make her at least have access to her accounts so you can keep and eye on her money. My own mother (who has no problems mentally) has given my brother access to her accounts and when he checks his own accounts online, he checks hers at the same time and if there has been a withdrawal he doesn't recognise he will ask her about it - so far all has been well.

Have we the same mother Eloethan? She has made a will but as for enduring power of attorney, she will think I am after her money.

She even wrote a cheque for £2000 a few months ago to some random guy on the phone who told her that if she sent £2000 they would send her 70,000 prize money she had won in a competition. Luckily we were there to hear him bullying her into sending the money, he has been phone her twice a day for 2 weeks!!!!! I contacted Fraud people who took details and changed her phone number.

Grrrrrrr!

Maybe the same thing has happened to my mum, hope so, Kitty. I am sure the bank wouldn't allow £23000 to sit in a current account. We will see, off to the bank soon [worried]

As a 'halfway house', I got a mandate to sign on Mum's accounts [with her permission] The man in the bank suggested it so it wasn't my fault iyswim Having got a mandate to sign on Mum's account, I now access them on line.

I wouldn't be too sure that the bank wouldn't let her move money around, it was one of the first things that alerted us to Mum's decline. The bank rang her and suggested that she had too much money in her current account and suggested a fancy account, which she opened and to which she transferred a large sum. Which she then 'lost'

Good luck

Flower My mum's a bit like this. Yesterday she rang up and said she thought she'd given personal information to someone on the phone. I had to telephone her bank and make enquiries - nothing out of the ordinary on her account but they've made a note of it. She's also reluctant to spend any money even when it's necessary and even though she's well off. She won't use her washing machine so hand washes her underclothes and I bring the rest of her washing back and do it here.

She's 92 and gets in a muddle sometimes too. I've suggested that she makes a will and maybe makes some arrangement for an enduring power of attorney, but she just ignores my comments. It's not something I feel comfortable going on about but it does worry me sometimes.

Hope you manage to get to the bottom of where she's transferred the money - if she has transferred it.

My mother (84) has found a novel way of dealing with her money. When the amount in her savings account reaches a certain figure she gives each of her offspring £100 (8 children=£800). Some of us need it more than others, but we're all very grateful for the thought that she'd rather we enjoyed it while she's living than when she's dead. She does like to know what we spend it on though.

I could offer to put it in my savings account

Have suggested that Merlotgran, but she isn't interested at all. I don't think she understands, Maybe the bank can give her a nudge that way while I am there, if I suggest it. I may get a handbag around the ear though.

She has a will and a solicitor so I may be able to pursued her , she will probably think I am after her money!!! Who Me???

I just wish she would let us have it now I say to her "wouldn't you love to see the smiles on your daughters' faces " She says "NO" you can have it all when I'm gone"

The thing is she doesn't spend it, she needs a new bathroom, washing machine, (she washes sheets in the bath) She won't let me do the washing.

She won't go on holiday with her friends and when she does go it is to my sister's house in Wales for a week - she doesn't like leaving her house for any length of time.

Time for Power of Attourney? If you can persuade her.

Oh my gosh! Gird your loins flower, as the song goes - there could be trouble ahead.

Good luck