5 Weeks of not seeing my Grandchildren

After reading through the posts again I think that you should now let the dust settle and I'm sure you will hear from them soon for babysitting duties,don't do the daily texting to your son let him wonder why you have stopped for a while,I would also put off any thoughts of seeing a solicitor re courts proceedings because once they have started a totally differant can of worms will be opened and resentment will be flowing and things could become more strained than they are at present. take care.

Monkie It does appear that your son and DIL are users and don't care who they hurt, their own children included. I can only suggest that you let them get on with it for now. They will more than likely realise they need you to babysit sooner rather than later.

Having to go hat in hand and justify your life probably wont work, you would be giving this pair more ammunition. Your son should be ashamed of himself.

My guess is that this has a lot to do with the refusal of the loan. Clearly, your son seems to think that he has some kind of proprietorial rights over you - including a claim on your money.

guess some will though !

Apologies accepted , didn"t even know they were split ! x

My heart goes out to each and every one of them. I will never understand people using children as weapons. The people that suffer the most are them and thats wrong by anyones standards - Thanks again

It's a sad situation. When I have my grandchildren I tend to play down the fun we had, and omit any 'firsts'. If I were to cautiously offer some advice too, it would be to say you understand their concerns and live your private life away from this young couple's gaze and say little. I've found trying to be the perfect grandmother backfires. So now I aim to be a 'good enough' grandparent only.

Apologies to the pedants for the split infinitive.

Monkie I'm afraid it is a case of same old, same old. I wonder if it helps at all knowing that so many others are in the same, or even worse, situations?

Thanks everyone for the advice. I guess the most importanat thing to them seems to be money (they pay no childcare costs just use the grandparents and dont even treat them to flowers) and i thought maybe saying i would consider going to a solicitor make them think twice about spending money on solicitors (even if i didnt get access) they would not like spending money out to just answer via a solicitor.

Guess im desperate and am willing to take desperate measures

Movedalot - Iv no idea why it happens, iv honestly tried so hard (I paid for the wedding and have supported and treated my daughter in law) I wouldnt want my son home to live and am absolutley no threat at all. I guess it doesnt help that im pretty young and try and live my life to the full instead on knitting etc but the children have so much fun with me on days out and doing craft things at home.

I have nothig practical to add to the above, but would just advise caution if you are seriously contemplating taking legal steps. At present grandparents have no rights of access to their grandchildren, and solicitors' letters etc. may give your son's wife another reason to cut you out of their lives.

This seems to happen quite a lot. Mostly seems to be the son's partner, rarely the daughter's which causes the problems. I found my MiL quite difficult but worked on her and once we were married everything was fine, she just didn't like losing her only son.

I don't understand why so many of these women want to push out the mother of their partner/husband. What are they so scared of? Don't they understand how good it is for the children to have loving, caring grandparents?

Sorry Monkie I don't have any answers. I don't agree that having it out with them will help, if she is like so many others you will end up being permanently denied access to your grandchildren. Imo that is what so many of these women try to achieve through this behaviour and the men allow it just for a quiet life.

They had previously met the person in a large christmas group and at the time there was no physical contact (as in holding hands, kissing etc) so it was just a friend. This person has remained a friend and has been around for the last year. I explained that he is CRB checked and willing to show the certificates. They actually named 2 of my friends that i was allowed to take to the zoo. When in 5 years iv never even been to their house for a meal (live less than a mile away) how am i supposed to let them get to know people. I can also see it from their point of view but to say they dont trust me is hurtful and cruel

Yes. Definitely try that. I do wish you good luck.

Iv tried the whole talking etc and then just sending a short text each day asking if i can see the children and that it hurts me thinking they might think iv just abandoned them. Next stop before going legal is to swallow all my pride and feelings and talk to his dad who im sure knows nothing about this but knows how much i love the children. Wish me luck!

From what you say it sounds like they took objection to the person you were in a relationship with , if you see it from their point of view this was someone that you had a short relationship with and maybe they had no idea this person was CRB checked and didn't want the children introduced to someone as your partner/friend as it might be just a short lived thing , which it so turned out to be. I can understand that to a point, so maybe you need to earn their trust back by reassuring them that you wouldn't have anyone else around unless they knew about it when you have the children . I'm not saying they are right but I can see it from their point of view.

Tell them the children love you and that they are not being fair on them.

You've probably already tried that. If so, do it again. Keep trying.

and

Perhaps you need to get a bit cross with them. Ring them up and tell them you are a good grandma to those children and you want to see them more often. A bit of straight talking might help. Don't let a row develop though.

Nope I was one the other my sister and the third someone that i was in a relationship with but we decided we are better as friends. This friend is even CRB check due to their job. I never see them and so explained that because i dont then they do not know all of my friends but that i would die for the children and i managed to keep my son safe.

Im pleased i declined the loan, i work out that over the last 5 years they mush have had at least 25k from me. My son also came out with the line "we dont like the way you live your life but we allow you to do so" when we had the meeting. I am a young 48 year old, i work so so hard and go on holidays to concerts etc but i dont do anything outrageous (drugs etc) There seems no reason why i was trusted for over 2 years and now that they dont need me im not trusted. My Grandaughter whenever we have a day out says all the way home "we are going to your house now Nana" as she wants to come back with me for longer. Its sad to deprive children like this

H o w actually did he abuse you?! I trust it was verbal only. Though that's bad enough.

Sooner or later they'll need you. Are her parents around?

I am so glad you decllined that loan.

Do'n t know what else to say really. What did they have against the people you went to the zoo with. Were they at all dodgy?,

Our reelationship (son and I) changed when he met his wife. I guess its the only child syndrome, but i dont wish, want or expect to be wrapped into their lives so not being allowed to pop round whenever or just turn up iv gotten used to ( our family are very open and do this often) With regards to the children up untill about 5 weeks ago my son was in the forces and they needed a babysitter on a thursday night (sife works late) and alot of saturdays. This latestest blow up was a group of us 3 adults and 5 children going to the Zoo and one of the adults my son and wife have met but they dont know as well. I never ever leave the children unattended (even take them to the toilet with me) In honesty i think its a bit of a control thing with his wife and him so that im always grateful for being able to see the children. Only 4 weeks ago they asked me to give them 18K loan for a new car. (i drive an 8 year old mini) i obviously declined

How sad , I feel for you Monkie. Something must of started this off however, as you used to have a good relationship. As the other say what started it and what is it that you don't want to do for the children?

Very sad for you Monkie .