Divorce when there's no need for a financial settlement

Your son needs to get things on a legal footing asap if his ex is beginning to play games.

Access to our children is supposed to be amicable but we're well aware that the power lies with their mother. At the moment things tick over most of the time be we know in our hearts that at some point we'll have to go to court.

Sula My DD went down a similar Road but with her x him claiming that the children stayed with him 3 nights a week it when in fact they have only stayed about 5 times in total in nearly 2 yrs,he stated they stayed with him to the benefits office so he could get all of his rent paid under the new system where you are charged if you have an extra bedroom,but he fell at the fence by not realising that the benefits Agency would ask for confirmation from DD as to the nights they stay.The children do not stay now they voted with their feet and just pop into see him as and when they want, school and homework and social life permitting.

Have they considered mediation, if they could meet with a mediator they might be able to discuss matters and if they reached an agreement a formal document could be drawn up. They might even be able to agree to cancel the CSA involvement and set up a family based arrangement which they could both sign up to for maintenance.

Yes it is a bit of a tightrope. Shared care is often difficult to resolve which is why the cases often go to a hearing. It is quite a long process so your son should start it off and keep his evidence. If they manage to agree themselves, which is always the best way,he could withdraw his appeal.

Plan B

If dil is saying that grandson only stays with son an average of 1 night a week perhaps he should limit his time to that. I know that's cutting off his nose to spite his face, but I think that after a few weeks she'll realise that she needs him to be more involved. She seems to struggle with being a mum and often phones up son to go and pick grandson up because she 'needs a break from it all'!!

A hard decision to make.

Yup, makes a difference of about £40-£80 a month depending a bit on how you average the number of times grandson stays with son. In July he stayed for 17 nights all together, but because I was staying as well to 'babysit' for some of that time while they both worked she says that doesn't count!!!??

What makes son cross is that her total income is greater than his because of all the benefits she gets!!

He loves his time with his son but is frightened to upset dil because she seems to be in total control.

Rant rant grrrrrrrr!!!

Hi Sula he should definitely appeal and they must look at evidence from both parents . If it goes to a tribunal the chairman should consider all evidence so he should keep everything that confirms when he has his son. I guess his ex knows that the maintenance would be reduced for shared care .

He thought it was all amicable but then she threw a wobbly when he said he was busy when she asked him to have grandson at very short notice - apparently she needed to go for a bike ride!!

Thanks, Seasider. He has been keeping a calendar but when he spoke to the CSA they told him that they don't look at things like that anymore?? He's trying to get a print out or photo of the texts agreeing contact times.

Your son right of appeal against CSA decision within one month though they may accept a late appeal.He should keep a diary of times his son stays overnight in case he has to go to a tribunal which would not cost him anything but a day off work .

Would be oh so much easier and cheaper if it could stay friendly but if they can't agree then he needs to see a solicitor to formalise an agreement.. such a shame when things go awry.