not informed of uncle's death

I feel for you in your loss. Unlike others here, I do not hold a benevolent view of what likely happened. I am cynical ( through experience).

My MIL was estranged from her brother and sister ( sister lived 200 yards away) She only found out about her brother's death from the local paper and her sister because a neighbour told her. The sister had grown up children and GC but none of them could even put a note through the door!

I feel for you. I heard about my brother's death in a car accident when my (and his) niece put it on Facebook and my son saw it! I think she was thoughtless but her parents should have been more sensitive. It was another 2 days before they rang.

My guess is that there is no legal requirement unless something has been left to a person, and when that is the case I should think it would be a lawyer's responsibility, or that of the will's executor.

Years ago I had a call from a lawyer asking if I was related to someone who bore the same surname. I wasn't but as I knew my father-in-law was the deceased person's cousin, I referred the lawyer to him.

There's a possibility that we may find ourselves in a similar situation and I am just wondering whether there is any legal requirement to inform relatives? Families, eh?!

My DD's father (not sure what of the correct term for late, previous husband) died very suddenly. He was very young. Our local newspaper printed the story of his sudden death the very day after it happened and before most of his relatives were even aware. It caused a great deal of distress and the press complaints became involved. We decided not to take it any further as no amount of compensation or apologies would bring him back.

A good few years ago now, an aged aunt of mine, to whom I`d once been very close, decided to cut herself off from her few remaining relatives. My uncle, her brother, went to see her and was told to go away, she seemed to only want the company of a man who acted as a sort of carer, came to her flat several times a day to see if she needed anything. After a few years of not being able to get in touch (we`d found out that she`d left her flat), my cousin, after making extenive enquiries, found a care home that she`d moved to, but was informed that she`d died 2 years earlier, yet we, as her only surviving relatives, hadn`t been informed. We were told that the gentleman? I mentioned before had taken care of the funeral arrangements, and we never knew what became of her effects, or any money she might have had, which is doubtful anyway. It was just upsetting that we`d never been informed of her death.

It is quite difficult going through someone else's address books after they die. They are often full of crossings out and scribbled changes. It is hard to know if names you don't recognise were friends, distant family, such as married great (great) nieces, or stray acquaintances who had lost touch. In the case of my elderly aunt, it was also hard to know if all the people listed were still living. I hope when it was my responsibility to inform the relevant people of a family death (and the date and time of the funerals) I wrote to or telephoned everyone who would have wanted to know, but it is possible that someone was not on my list and perhaps felt slighted when they later learned the news.

I think you're doing the right thing, daisybel1. Best not to wonder about possible slights and remember your Uncle in your own way.

Sorry, forgot to make clear it was my DS2 death.

Thank you for your replies - I'll be saying good-bye with my family in our own memorial.

I doubt it was malicious, unless you have reason to believe it to have been.

As others have said, whoever dealt with things after your Uncle's death may not have even been aware that there were other relatives. Of course it's sad that you and your mother weren't able to attend the funeral, but there are other ways to pay your respects.

Unfortunately these things happen. There is no central announcement....its all about where you are, if its put in paper and which paper, local or national. In the past we all stayed closer to home...had family churches and everyone soon knew, but nowadays its all a bit more fragmented. Also families cope with these matters in many different ways and it is best not to take it as a personal affront...just grief stricken relatives bumbling about in the dark.
Many newspapers have a facility where you can add a message to the announcement....light a virtual candle and say something about the deceased.....you might be able to do that.

Not his death, but I only knew about the inquest after it had happened when I read the headlines in the local paper

But I suppose that was par for the course, the notice of his death in the local paper was done without consulting me, as were most of the arrangements for the funeral.

No I called his brother a while ago when I couldn't get an answer because I was concerned so they knew I was still in touch. However my Mum fell out with him over his behaviour with my other auntie as he was saying she was his wife and asking to stay at the home with her. Think this might be at the root of it all and to be fair not sure how this story was retold to them. I just think it was cruel to deny my children and myself the chance to say good-bye.

Daisy A few years ago I learned of an older friend's death when I got a Christmas card from her DH which said that he was in his own now, as his DW had died the previous August.
I would have gone to the funeral had I known.
I was upset, but I came to the conclusion that he had been too distraught with her final illness to really think about who to inform etc.

Daisybel, perhaps you have lost touch with this Uncle over the years, and the family thought you would not be interested as you hadn't been in contact?

Could it just be that informing you was overlooked by whomever was organising things I know this has happened in our family, at such an upsetting time no one person is responsible for informing relatives and people get forgotten in the confusion. Its not an excuse but could be unintentional and no sleight was intended.