Will

Nobody should ever advise anyone about how to distribute their money in their will. The will maker should make that decision, ideally in consultation with potential beneficiaries, and the legal and effective way to fulfill those wishes should be done by a solicitor. No matter what country's laws will govern the will.

Basically, I agree with MOnica. But I have a few questions:

1. Have you had/are you anticipating any protests from your own adult kids? Do any of them feel that they should be heirs to this house, as well? Or do you think they might say that?

2. Have you had/are you anticipating any protests from DH's adult kids? Do/would any of them argue that the house should be theirs when DH goes, period? (That would be cold, IMO, but some people are like that.)

3. I get that if you stay in the house till you die, DH's kids inherit the house. But if you sell it and buy that smaller property, instead, do his kids also inherit the smaller house when you pass on? Or can you leave that to your own kids? Or is that something you'll decide later on?

I am in much the same position as you are UkeCan in that the house we live in was bought with the proceeds from the sale of my husband's flat. As a single parent I always rented.
I have 1 daughter, and he has a daughter and son, all adults. Our only grandchild is from my daughter.

Again, as we met when my daughter (the youngest of the 3) was 18 and leaving to go to uni there is no close relationship between the steps ... added to this is that they all live in different countries, so have only actually met up a few times in the flesh!

Our intention is that whoever is left gets everything and after their demise it all gets split three ways equally. Really must get our will sorted!!!

Surely if you're married, half of everything becomes yours???

In this case UkeCan is certainly next of kin if her husband died without making a will and would inherit everything (under a certain amount, but the value of an average house wouldn't go over that).

Presumably that's why he wanted to make a will making provision for his wife during her lifetime but leaving whatever's left to his own children on her death. It's quite common to do this and perfectly legal. It wouldn't matter whether any of the children objected or not.

Legally, it doesn't matter if the kids object, Ana. I know that. But I got the impression that UkeCan is worried that one or more of them might, whether she's worried about their trying to fight her over it in court or just about "hurt feelings."

The Will makes perfect sense in the circumstances and is what I would have recommended (in England and Wales).

Thingamajig needs to make a Will because what she wants will not happen without one, everything would go to the child(ren) of the survivor.

Thinking this over... Can the OP's DH actually make a will that dictates what happens to the house (if it isn't sold) when SHE dies? Will that stick if she wants to do differently? Uke, I'm sure you would abide by DH's wishes and I don't believe you would shortchange his kids - I'm just wondering in general. What if the surviving spouse in such a case makes their own will, leaving everything to their own sons/daughters? Would this will supercede DH's or vice versa?

Thingamajigs, I'm glad Iaincaim pointed out that you need to make your own will. In fact, I hope your use of "out will" was just a typo. Cuz, as far as I know (I'm not an attorney or anything), it should say "our wills," plural. Even if they are "reciprocal," both you and DH need to have one.

www.makeawill.co.uk/page-right-to-live-file-33.html

This explains it, Wendysue.

As a lawyer I always read threads like these with interest.
We would not let anyone out of our office after taking will instructions unless we were sure that they fully understood the impact on every relevant family member of their decisions and that if they've got a wife or husband, under English Law the will should make the same provision as the spouse would expect to get on a divorce or the will would probably be contested following the death.
Where there's a long marriage, leaving the surviving spouse just with a right to occupy the dead one's property is usually not enough.
If you're going to make a will, don't go to will making firms because they rarely have enough expertise to deal with this and more importantly they just don't have the level of insurance needed if after the death it's found the will or the advice is wrong.
Ring around your local family law firms and get a feel of the "personality" of the firm. Cheapest may not be best and a good family law solicitor who does wills as well should leave you all with peace of mind.

I'm afraid I disagree with m'learned friend Stanlaw, a good will-writing firm can be better than a solicitor who dabbles in Wills, as proved by the Law Commission Report on will-writing in 2014. If it is a member of the Institute of Professional Willwriters it will carry £3m Professional Indemnity Insurance.
I would always recommend using someone who is a member the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners (STEP) Will Writing Code or the Law Society's Wills and Inheritance Quality Scheme.

Thank you, Ana!

In my marriage vows I distinctly remember the words "with this ring I thee wed and all my worldly goods I thee endow"!
Everything changed when you married and I would be surprised if you didn't find that every court in the land would uphold your right to half the marital home regardless.

Thankyou all so much for your interesting and helpful replies. I suppose my concern is as Wendysue suggested; that I don't want to upset anyone. I get on really well with my DH 2 kids and my youngest DD gets on well with them and my DH. I would say there is love between us all and the grandchildren are referred to as cousins even though they're not blood related. I think my youngest DD may be upset that she and her 2 children would comes out with nothing. Not that she is after money at all, it would be just the principal that I have lived in this house for 20 years. After we spoke to the solicitor of our intentions she wrote everything down and said she would send us the will for our approval.
The laws in Scotland are apparently different to in England and Wales.

I think I'm wary of other people's feelings because a short time after my mum remarried (she was a widow with her own house) her new husband told her he was up to his eyes in debt and she sold the house to bale him out. She was left with nothing and he spent every last penny on drink.

I am also aware that even the closest families can fall out when there is a death and money involved.

If you already know that there is likely to be a problem perhaps it is time for a rethink. Is all of this your DH's wishes and have your wishes been taken into account at all? It doesn't sound very equable to me and I can understand your youngest daughter being more than taken aback as her good relationship with your DH will receive no acknowledgement. The other two will have similar feelings since you are their mother.
It is a minefield indeed!

I agree with Synonymous about the rethink since you seem to feel your YDD will be hurt - or maybe you're hurt for her?

Actually, I'm wondering... you say you came into the marriage with "no property." But do you have any savings? Perhaps you can leave those to just your AC, if you haven't arranged for that already? Or if you and DH have joint savings, perhaps you need to take out "your half" and set up a separate account in trust for your AC only? Then maybe you could leave the house issue, as is, and yet, everybody would be reasonably satisfied.

Of course, if DH goes first and you sell the house and buy a smaller one, you can leave the new one to your AC alone. But if, unfortunately, you were to pass first, that wouldn't work out. So having a fund or two that would go straight to your AC upon your passing might be the best solution if DH doesn't want them to get anything from the house.

No she can't wendysue .If his will is worded as the OP says I dont think she can leave a house she subsequently buys to anyone(and that obviously isn't her partners intention so it would be against the spirit if not the letter)
We have recently redone our wills so that each of us leaves their half of the house to the DCs with the surviving partner having the right to live in it or indeed to down size.But the DCs (both ours) are still the ultimate beneficiaries .We have done it to ensure that our second child gets a bigger chunk as we've just given the elder a large sum. (Both know and are happy with arrangements ( I agree that on marriage things become 'joint'but when one partner has brought into the relationship substantial assets presumably built with the mother of his already grown up children I think the situation is a bit different.
I had an aunt who married a millionaire and neither of her children thought it unfair that their house ,and I suspect most of his assets, went to his children, with her having a life interest .I suspect he left them substantial legacies which probably sweetened things though !.

Thankyou all. Mine is certainly a very complicated family. The will has been sent out to us for our approval before we sign. We'll have to go through it with a fine toothcomb I think.
I had a quick read when it arrived and it does say that should my DH die first then I am responsible for the upkeep and maintenence of the property to the beneficaries satisfaction. I would do that anyway but it just made me think that I would be be doing that for my stepchildren only and my own kids - particularly my youngest DD who is quite close to my DH would not get anything. Of my other 2 kids my eldest DD has little contact with us and doesn't like my DH or his family. (Don't know why - they're lovely people!) My DS - although in contact - doesn't make much effort with family stuff.
My savings by then will have dwindled as I am one of the unlucky pensioners who won't get my state pension till I'm 67 so I won't have much left to pass on.
I'm always worried what other people will think and that if I suggest that the property be divided equally between me and his 2 DC that they will think I'm a golddigger! I don't want any unpleasantness before or after my death.

Uke, I get your concern about what they'll think. But really? How can they think you're a "golddigger" for wanting an equal share of a house that you have lived in for 20 years (perhaps as long or longer than your SC did?), helped to take care of, no doubt, and that you'll still be taking care of (financially and otherwise) after DH passes? IMO, you DESERVE more. And YOUR share should go to YOUR DC when you pass on, if that's what you would like.

Still, if you and DH had decided to do the will as it is and you were both happy with that, I wouldn't say a word to set you back to square 1. But you posted here cuz you, clearly, have some doubts. So, IMO, you need to mull this over and let DH know if you'd like to make some changes.

I am unclear on how you are supposed to take care of the property if you are financially limited and think that this will you have made could ultimately be an albatross around your neck.
Blow what anyone else thinks! It is not anyone else's business what arrangement are made between the two of you and you should not be caring or even interested in what others think of your own business. Your DH clearly married you because he loves you and part of his duty as a husband is to maintain you in the style to which he has accustomed you. Are there funds being left specifically to maintain the property to the satisfaction of the beneficiaries? Without the presence and protection of your DH they could very well turn out to be hard to satisfy.
Your husband could well be making you vulnerable and I have to say that he is leaving you with an unenviable task albeit perhaps with the best of intentions.
Please note that the law of unintended consequences is one to be very aware of!!!!

Uke. PS You need to find out what your legal entitlements are. Please get impartial advice! I rather think you will find that you are entitled to your half of the marital home no matter what you brought to the marriage. I think that you also need to be aware of the possibilities of the archaic law of the entitlement of the eldest son in Scotland to at least half of the cash as in days gone past he would have been expected to take care of the widow. This may have gone now but I can remember in the historical accounts of my family there being such an occurrence so it would be a good idea to check out exactly where you stand.
It is not stupid to look after your future should your DH predecease you because as you yourself say your family is complex!

Hi all, I can't thank every one of you enough for your excellent advice. You have all made me think and see things from a different perspective.
My DH really does want to ensure that I am secure and provided for should he go first. Neither of us were really sure about how to set the will out and I felt the solicitor was quite young and inexperienced.
We will sit down this weekend and I will broatch the subject of the house.
Thanks again wink x

Why did 'wink' not turn into a emoticon!? :-D