husband's will

Oneker, FarNorth may be right. In fact, DH may be hoping you'll bring it up, so he can talk to you about it, while he still can. If you bring it up (gently, of course) and he brushes you off, then you'll know this isn't the case and can drop the subject till you see if he recovers. But if he seems relieved or eager to talk about it, that's a different story. He may feel the need to explain. Now that I've thought about it more I believe you should give him that chance. You may be glad you did.

onneker you say your DH is too ill to be challenged at the moment, but would it be possible to ask him about the new will without making it a challenge to him?

He may have sent you to his office, hoping you would find the will, as already suggested.
In any case, maybe you could mention that when you were looking for his file you saw the will and wondered why he didn't tell you about it.

I know it can be stressful. I did it for my mother's will and there were stressors even though she kept it as simple as possible. But as a wife, I would still expect to be executor or one of the executors of my DH's will. That's just how I''ve always known it to be. And if he first had me as exec and then changed it, I think I would be offended. Ok, maybe I would be partly relieved, but also a little offended. Maybe it's petty, but I would feel as if he chose someone else (his DS in this case) over me, as if he trusted DS more than me. I wouldn't mind his choosing both of us, but just DS? I am very sure that would bother me, especially if it were a change from before, as in the OP's case. And, to me, it makes it more suspicious as to how this new will came about.

But, TBF, onneker, it's possible that DH was just trying to make things easier on you. In fact, maybe you should do the same for him, especially since, sad to say, he might easily not be here to execute your will, anyway. Most important, tho, as far as your will is concerned, IMO, is to change your beneficiaries and be prepared to sell the house if you need to.

I trust none of this will color the love and care you give to DH in his illness. Love, after all, is more important than all of this.

Wishing you peace...

I agree with harrigran, but in the immortal words of Mandy Rice Davis, I would say that, wouldn't I? Just returned from a funeral and wake I had to arrange because the family and executors couldn't agree on anything.

I would not be hurt at not being an executor for someone's will. My sister has just gone through two years of hell as executor of our cousin's will. Have you any idea how stressful it is ? I sorted my mother's estate and it took me a full year and basically she had nothing.
I tend to think that jobs like this are best left to solicitors to deal with, especially when it is a second or more marriage, could get very messy.

Oh and I would also be very hurt that I was not named as an executor on his new will. His choice, I know, but it would still hurt me. Were you going through a rough patch at the time he made the new will? Or do you have any reason to think one of his AC persuaded him to make these changes? Not that there's much you can do about that, just wondering if it would solve the "mystery" of why he redid his will this way.

My guess is that DH changed his will cuz you changed yours. Fine, but I think he should have told you, just as you told him about the changes you made. I, too, would be angry that he didn't.

But is it possible that he sent you to that cupboard knowing you would see the new will? Could that have been his way of telling you? Not a very good way, IMO, though a stroke of conscience perhaps. But if you think it's possible, maybe that will ease your hurt a bit?

Anyhow, if he recovers, others have said, I would discuss this with him. If he ends up keeping it this way, I think you should definitely consider changing your will, leaving more to your DD (dear daughter) and GC , less to DH and nothing to his GC (unless you just want to for your own reasons).

If, sadly, he passes on before you can talk this over, please do be prepared to sell the house if you need the money. And, of course, pay attention to Iaincam's legal advice. Obviously, you'll have to redo your will at that point. Again, you may decide not to leave anything to DH's grands.

BTW, I don't know what's generally done in the UK or elsewhere, but here in the U.S. it's very common for people to leave money to their AC (adult children) and not their GC, trusting that the AC will use some of those funds for the GC and leave money to the GC in their own wills. Some people do leave some directly to their GC but many don't. So it doesn't surprise me that DH chose not to leave anything to any GC. That part is not an issue, IMO, unless it's customary to leave money to GC where you live or among your/his friends and family.

If a client came to me with this scenario the questions are; is the house in his sole name? Is it free of mortgage? What proportion is it of his estate? If he does not leave you at least half of his net worth you can make a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. My immediate advice; change your own Will!

I think it's not so much an issue as to whether his will is fair to you or not, but that he did not tell you anything about it - I would be very upset. This is obviously something for you to discuss with him when he is well enough.

I expect there is an element of over reaction but I would be livid not to be told how my husband had rearranged his will. If you were aware of the contents of the previous will, regardless of how he has left things, I feel he should at least have warned you.

I would find it very difficult in your position not to want answers and would have to try very hard to bite my tongue.

Please come and rant to us if it helps.

I think you are right to be shocked that he hadn't discussed this with you. Is it a large amount of money? Would you have enough to live on? You have the house which must be worth something, which you could then leave that to your children/grandchildren, so its not all bad. If he recovers you should discuss it, ask him for his reasons for making these changes and explain how hurt you were that he hadn't talked to you about it. If he doesn't recover, then you have to think positively. You've got the house which you can then do what you like with.