Benefits

Isn't t it likely to damage relationships beyond repair? Have you tried asking for a contribution towards his keep? Tread carefully is my advice. I accept the current situation is not fair.x

Couldn't you just ask her for a fair contribution towards the child's upkeep?

Doing things 'legally' can cause all kinds of problems.If your daughter won't or can't help you, then it is hard on you, but perhaps as she buys clothes for him, she needs the money.Food will be your main cost I imagine, you may have to cut down on treats.

My thoughts exactly Ana

Heavenhelp whilst you may be doing a kind and helpful thing by giving your DGS your care and spending your own time and money on him it may cause untold damage to your relationship with him as well as with his mother if you take recourse to the courts to sort the finances out. Since you are asking this question does it mean that you have already asked your DD for financial help and been refused?
You may well have to "give and not count the cost" in order not to cause havoc with the family relationships and if you need to budget carefully and forgo the treats then that is what it is.
It is difficult to know what to say when there are so few details of the situation and how it came about.

A dear friend has her Grandson living with her now after the death of his Mother and his much older sister and her family moving into the family home, taking over in a big way.
He is at college and his Father gets a lot of benefits for him. His Father is retired. dear friend is 82 a widow on just her pension.
She gets no financial help at all and the boys father even charged her £10 to take them to the supermarket one day.
Good thing I do not live nearby, my tongue is well bitten but this time it would be put to use.

Don't go there Heavenhelp - what's wrong with asking for a small contribution as others have suggested? Is there a problem with your relationship with your DIL or daughter (whosoever is his mother) ?

The relationship with my daughter in law is broken beyond repair, all I would like to know is would I win If I took her to the small claims, my grandson keeps telling me to do it, As for a small contribution it would be easier as they say to get blood out of a stone. She buys very little I cannot believe she is as she is, but she is.
There is no softly softly approach here believe me I have tried. She has received in excess of £8000 in the past year, I have no problem with boy I will look after him whatever. But she is just laughing, because she holds the child allowence she can do any thing

Your grandson keeps telling you to do it? How old is he?

You could try to get a residency order from the court since he spends so much time with you anyway and if he agrees. Long time ago I did this for one of my grandson when my son remarried and young one didn‘t fit in with new family. The judge gave me custody and said the child had voted with his feet. Got all the benefits that went with it because he was still at school. I was over the moon. All grown up now and keeps threatening to make me a great grandmother.

Talk to CAB but I think you can put in a claim for child benefit them decision maker will decide whether you or DIL entitled
If relationship broken already nothing to lose.

Chelsea Baby Child Benefit was awarded to her, all she has to do now is lie and they believe her, nobody checks nobody there cares there is nothing I can do about that hence the court idea, at least even if I get nothing the judge may be able to put down in writing that he aged 14 spends more time with me than her, so I could use that against her, at least that would be a legal document

I think you need to get some legal advice. Contact the citizens advice bureau or a solicitor. Could your GS live full time with you. That way you would have the right to claim the benefits as they go with the child.

Where is the child's father ?

Well, if that is how it is and DGS would be happier with you then I would recommend getting advice about having full custody of him. As someone else has already said full custody means that you are the one to receive the allowances with which to care for him. It sounds as if DGS has already voted with his feet.
Do let us know how you get on Heavenhelp. Wishing you and DGS well.

Heavenhelp if your GS is living with you and his mother has not notified the child benefit people she is breaking the regulations. She must notify them according to the website, if the child
"will live away from you for either 8 weeks in a row or more than 56 days in a 16-week period"
Count up the days and then you can decide if you want to report her or not

I thank everyone for their responses, and I fully understand that the way forward, should be via the benefit agencies. However everything is done on the telephone, there is no other involvement. They believe that the original claimant is right and refuse to change. Hence why I want a legal document stating the truth.
Thank you once again I think we should close the forum here.

Annibach

Killed in Afghanistan

You can apply for a change online, but you will need to sign into the Government Gateway. You might be able download a form, but I'm not sure.

Your DIL will be sent a letter about your claim and she has a certain amount of time to disagree with it.

You will then both be sent a form asking for details such as who looks after the child when he's ill, where his possessions are kept, whose address is registered with the school/doctor, etc. An adjudicator will then decide wqho should have the child benefit. It can't be shared. You can appeal against the decision.

PS. Being the 'parent with care' does not guarantee that you will receive the benefits.

PPS. Keep a record of how much you spend on your grandson. You can use this in your claim.

Just checked. Yes, you can download the form to fill in by hand.

You will need the child's birth certificate. If you haven't got the original, you can buy a copy for about £8 or £9.

As others have said, go to the CAB for some advice. I've got the T-shirt on this one and I wish I'd been pushier.