Greedy in laws

My experience was I looked after the relative no help from the others at all. Estate left between the four of us. So much bad feeling we have never spoken after probate. My d looked after her father and he left, not a lot, estate all to her. Half brother turned up after funeral demanding half. She refused. Also not spoken for years.

Suspect you will have to be strong and face the fact whatever you do they will feel hard done by and relationships will be damaged.

If the property was in your OH name then they have no claim and he should tell them so. If it was in joint names with his mother then he should give them an account of how much he spent on mortgage repayments and any other expenses incurred in the care of his mother, funeral costs etc. That should then be deducted from his mother's 50% share of the property. If, as I suspect this will show a deficit he should ask them for their share to cover it - that should send them back under their rock.

When my DH died, his brother said he was entitled to part of his estate (despite DH having made a Will leaving all to me). He said he was entitled to this because DH would often "lend" him money to help him out. I spoke with a solicitor friend who told me that if he could show that DH was giving him money to support him it could be possible he would have a claim, however, he also advised me to write to brother in law and tell him I wanted the repayment of all the loans DH had made to him over the years. I never heard from him again.

janty if your IH was paying the mortgage that must surely mean he has a share in the equity of the flat, over and above anything his mother contributed when the flat was bought.
Could you persuade your OH to see a solicitor or perhaps an adviser at CAB - someone who could give impartial advice as to what would be fair and reasonable in the circumstances?

Crossed posts sunseeker. Glad your solicitor was able to help you.

Janty your OH owes them nothing legally and morally. Support him to stick to his guns with proof of his mortgage payments. As for never seeing his dreadful siblings again, do you and he really care?

These situations so often bring out the very worst in human nature don't they? When my DH's father died his sister who hadn't spoken to her parents (or indeed my DH) for almost 30 years got in contact panicking that she might lose out. DH's mother died soon after and DH signed everything over to his sister and younger brother. We really could have done with his share of the assets (not a massive amount but it would have helped us no end) but DH insisted that they should have the lot including his mothers wedding ring that was handed to him at the funeral which he later sent to his sister with a note saying "you have it all now" Needless to say we have not heard from her since. Witch.

I would suggest professional advice of some kind would lift the pressure. Maybe write it all down with the figures and see a CAB advisor as a first step. It doesn't sound as if the siblimgs have any claim morally or legally. It is a time that brings out the worst in people and I am sorry for the loss your OH and you have experienced.

Of course his family have no right to a flat your DH bought and paid for. Make that quite clear to them yourself if he won't.

You are a couple, so of course you stand together.

If the assetts aren't in his late mothers name then the family have no rights to them simple

Oh JantyK that's horrible and very upsetting. I do wish some of these older MiLs and DDs would set things out in a more clear-cut manner,(on paper), when it comed to their final choices. It would save families a lot of grief and arguing.
My DH was about to cough up 50% and arrange paying the mortgage when MiL announced she wanted to leave EVERYTHING to her DD's children, totally disregarding our children. Excuse me? Luckily we declined to go ahead and incurred her wrath. This didn't stop her coming back a few years later to ask us to pay for her care home costs while the sibling once again got away with it! This time DH spelt it out loud and clear and we haven't heard from her since!
As Rinouchca says, by that stage you don't really care if you never see them again, so just make it clear to them now.

Sorry, meant MiLs and DMs.

Lillie ,I think alot of "older" people believe they're being fair,my MIL had said that as we all have houses we wont want hers when she's gone but the youngest GS hasn't got his own place so she might leave it to him,That did cause an outcry ,though not from us ,mty SIL was outraged her daughter was being bypassed.MIL has now handed the deeds of said house to my husband and his sister to be disposed of as they like when she dies ,so half each and they can share amongst the children or not as they wish.She has also made a new will which they are happy about as she has a man friend hanging around who she spends a lot of time with even though she knows he's married and a good 15 years younger than her mid 80's.SIL was concerned she might leave the house to him ,but the will clearly states the 50/50 split ,SIL said why should he get a house HER father had worked all his life for ,I dont know how she would be if MIL remarried and left the house to someone else but I dont imagine she'd be pleased.Families and money can be areal problem .

In my experience every time a relative has passed on there has been arguing about money or possessions, invariably ending with people not talking for months or, in some cases years.

DH and I have tried to be open with our children about what we would like to happen in the event of our deaths, but I bet you come the day there will be another round of arguments and splits. It's sad that that's what it always comes down to.

Carol1ne63 ,make sure your will is explicit in what you want so they cant fight over it.We updated ours just before christmas,everything goes to the survivor then split between the kids when we're both gone..and if the survivor remarries the share that would have been his/mine still goes to our kids .We've even stipulated no rescusitation etc so nobody has to make painful decisions and our lawyer has isssued cards to the kids so they can contact him immediately if they need to know whats to happen in the event of an accident etc

I would suggest a meeting with your solicitor and ask him to issue a statement of account as such, showing that there is no entitlement, or even better maybe a deficit. Issue this to the grasping family and be glad that they will probably not contact you again.

I so agree with the last 3 posts that the discussion has to take place before the event and then recorded on paper.
MiL was always in denial and refused advice and guidance from the siblings who had no interest in her money, only to be robbed by the other one. An opportunity to discuss things together was lost and the animosity still continues.

It's always the same when someone dies, all the relatives who have not helped one iota come out of the woodwork. Stand firm with your husband janty, let the relatives know what the financial situation was and then get on with your lives. You have helped your mother in law to the best of your ability so you need have no regrets. If the relatives don't want to know you afterwards it's their loss not yours.
Don't stress about this, you cared for her when others didn't.

Yes, talk to a solicitor and get everything down on paper. I don't see where the siblings have any claims since the flat was in OH's name, but he'll want to be sure.

Now's the time to start screening phone calls, deleting emails, etc. if OH's relatives get nasty. OH has to learn to hand up, walk away, ignore texts, etc. to put an end to any bullying. He might not do it but no harm in suggesting it.

You know the old saying, 'Where there's a will. there's relatives.' I didn't speak to my older sister for 18 years after her and her husband's behaviour following the death of our DF. My daughter met her for the first time when she was 18 when the husband, who had caused the upset, died. We are good friends again now. All is forgiven, but never talked about, as I know he was a bully and she was vulnerable and went along with his plan to defraud my other sister and I of assets from my father's business. As executor I had to stand up to them aged 26 and with a new baby, but I did. Our DM died when I was 21.

Your husband has been a loving and compassionate son who took good care of his mother and the others let him. What a lovely man and what a caring DIL you have been.

You need a paper trail of payments and the deeds and let them do their worst. You have the moral highground. I think he's right to ignore them, but perhaps take advantage of the free advice some high street lawyers offer so you know you have the legal highground.

Sorry you have this to cope with as well as grieving your loss. You just wonder at the brassneck of some people don't you?

If the flat was your oh's name and was paid for by him, I can't see that relatives have a leg to stand on. There are no assets to squabble about!
Although that very likely won't stop them trying.
If so, please help him to be strong and stand up to them.

Someone I know was left a fair bit of cash by an aunt she'd been very close to, and good to. Her siblings, who had never been very nice to her, and hadn't bothered with the aunt at all, then bleated that it wasn't fair! They were entitled too!

She gave in - she is very nice - and gave them all a share.
But because she didn't split it equally, they were angry and virtually cut her off.
It was no loss really, and in hindsight she wishes she'd just kept the money, according to the wishes of the aunt, who'd never intended the others to have anything anyway.