divorce

Sandye you need a solicitor. Too many people try to do without. Neither adultery nor your health issues will make any difference to a settlement. Please get professional advice.

I have a solicitor, she says try to keep it out of court due to cost. he doesn't work as he is retired. Just hope he can't afford it

So does your solicitor think you should give up the bungalow and get on with it? So sorry if it comes to that, but you can always get a first floor flat.

Sorry about the divorce, too, but sounds like you're better off without him.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Unfortunately, after 40 years of marriage I expect it's also his bungalow as well, no matter his behaviour and your health.

Your solicitor was right to warn you - you and your husband could end up spending the value of the bungalow in a legal battle, as some divorcing couples do.

When I divorced after 25 years, and two adult children, we just split things 50/50 including value of the house.

Do you really want a lengthy legal fight which will cost you financially and emotionally?

The financial settlement which is agreed before the divorce proceeds involves adding up all assets acquired in the course of the marriage. This includes house/contents/car/savings/pension pots etc! Debts are factored in too.
Then the value of these assets is split 50/50. If husband has a big enough pension pot (plus cash or other assets) that might constitute his 50% while the house might be your share. Adjustments would be made to even things up.
You cannot do this without a solicitor when there are complications.

You must follow legal advice but I know someone who managed to stay in her house for a long, long time.

She kept the house nice but every time someone came to view she pointed out all the things that were wrong with it. It bought her enough time to get organised and see her children through the local primary school.

Hello Sandy, i was recently in a similar situation, married for 24 years, no children of school age and, i have a number of chronic illnesses. When my former husband left our matrimonial home had to be sold. He kept our new car so i got slightly more money from the house sale to make it equal. Because i had a solicitor and my former husband didn't, we actually had to go before the judge so that it he wasn't treated unfairly.

My husband left me for another woman. he left the home and after a while stopped maintenance. Things got better for me as I got a full time job and can now afford to run my home. I NOW know he paid off the 19,000 remaining on the mortgage to make the divorce easier for him. He is now claiming that back, all his rent since HE left. and all my maintenance back that he did pay, this seems way way out of proportion. my solicitor just says 'don't accept' but can he legally claim all this back. Is it better to go to court?

If both your names are on the mortgage/deeds then unless you have an unequal proportion it is deemed you are 50/50 ownership even if you put the majority of the mortgage cost in. He could claim whilst you paid mortgage he paid bills,upkeep,holidays etc. If you can prove he did not provide in any way and his name is not linked to your mortgage he might have more of a problem. Also in that likelihood you could counter claim rent for the time he lived rent-free if he kept any monies to himself only. Sounds like it is already messy.

Ask your solicitor to have all assets investigated, totalled up and split 50/50.
You have to use a solicitor for this stage but that doesn't necessarily mean court appearances and fees.

Do you believe anything other than 50/50 is fair? Maybe you'll find that his pension fund is worth nearly as much as the house as was the case in my divorce. He'd suggested selling up and splitting proceeds but my solicitor refused and this fair split was the best way.

Don't get hung up on his being 'his fault'. That counts for nothing.

I disagree that you have to use a solicitor. My ex and I didn't. Our children were grown up and we just split everything 50/50. I applied directly to the court for a divorce and didn't use a solicitor at all.

I agree if it's absolutely straightforward but this clearly isn't. We had one minor child and no significant arguments but could never have assessed marital assets correctly without help.
Did you include pensions in your 50/50 split?
My ex kept his pension and I kept the house (with mortgage which I subsequently paid).

We each kept our own pensions (probably about equal).

I sympathise with you, Sandy's. At the moment I have a bit of a problem, but, one could say its of my own making.
I met a lovely man, having known him for a few years,and subsequently left my husband of 32years, and I amnow staying with my daughter,as I don't want to live with anyone, as I want to live on my own,but still spend a lot of time with this man.we are having a wonderful time with many mutual interests....however, as my husband won't sell the house,I can't buy or rent anywhere,because I don't have a big pension., and can't claim benefits, I have decided to purchase an old, small caravan and park it in our garden,which there is plenty of space.

Hi Liz46, I agree with what you done, although, we should make it clear that both parties must agree, and doing it your way is by far the easiest and quickest.

Unfortunately, it sounds to me, that their might be some conflict in the posters relationship and this could cause problems, my advice, get a solicitor .

Yes legal advice necessary. A fifty fifty split of the house and other assets/debts is likely but there may be the issue of pensions. Many women of our generation don't have a decent pension because they took years off to raise children and support their husbands. That issue could benefit from a careful legal eye.