Should I carry on renting at 65

First can I say what a lovely mother you are bless you.

I do not know what to advise about renting or owning but I would say do not move in with a hoarder. My friend is a hoarder and it is a very deep routed psychological problem. It too started when she lost her husband, and the point is they hold on to things for control. Cleaning it and claiming it as your own will not be as simple as you think.
Can the council help? I know in this area they have a scheme to help over the 60s. Are there any charities in your area that can advise you. I am not much help but please be very careful about moving in with some one who is a hoarder because it seems like the lesser of the two evils right now it might not be. I wish you well.

Don't move to a new place with a partner.My neighbour did that and ended up having to pay him half of the value when they broke up. He had never owned a house previously. He now lives in a house similar to her she had to downsize.

Thanks for further suggestions and comments. Maybe hoarder isn't the right word. I just think its four years of accumulation and not sorting out. He has promised to start sorting out but if he could not do it while unemployed can he now he is employed, albeit part time...
Sillynanny - how do you afford your rent on a pension, or do you have house equity as i do? I agree its not good being at the mercy of private landlords.
Jaycee - OMG! Thst is a mental illness. I don't think P. is like that.
Lilyflower - I'm afraid the bond is tied up for five years with no access which i wanted at the time to save my capital dwindling. The good thing is I get £2500 interest paid into my account yearly or at least i did the first year!
Carolebarrell - precisely the reason i am still toying with the idea of renting.
Rizlett - i will look into the link you gave me. You're right i do feel too young for sheltered accommodation but hey i can give it a try.
Grandmamoira - i cannot touch the bond till it matures. The shared ownership has scheme for over 55s where you only need to pay up to 75% but i am guessing its because they will always own 25% as you come to the end of your life, as is the case in these equity release schemes. In any case despite the capital I have available now; the expected share of proceeds from my late mothers bungalow which is currently on the market and the bond maturing in 5 years which would give me £175,000 which currently could buy me a 2 bed house in Peterborough, the mortgage companies and share ownership organisation don't want to know as i only have the state pension as income.

Smurf for various reasons I've rented for most of my life. I always said I would move to sheltered accommodation before I needed to, and that's just what I did when I retired. I have a comfortable ground-floor home with small paved garden at the front (full of plants in pots), small patio at the rear (more plants in pots) looking onto a beautifully tended central garden with lawn, flower beds, outdoor gym, fish pond and fruit trees. I also have a range of neighbours aged between late 60s and 90s, in varying stages of health and ability, just like anywhere else. I'm in the middle of London, with excellent transport links and, best of all, just under a mile away from DS and family. AND I'm paying less rent than you.

I've lived alone for many years and would find it hard to give up my space. From what you write about your friend I would suggest you keep to your current arrangement, at least until HE has cleared space and prepared a home worth sharing. You can always re-think moving in at a later date and it would be easier to do than having to move out

I really think the financial benefits are minimal compared to the task you are thinking of taking on. You say you are free to clear all that he's hoarded that can take months and months, then decorate whole house again months and months ( at your expense ) then store all your stuff and some of his ( again more money).I think you are missing the point, looking from the outside in it's a mammoth task and I'm concerned it may rock your relationship. I would stay renting for longer and start sorting his house out when you are in the situation of still being able to go to your own bit of tranquility. That way you will be able to see how he responds to his home being turned upside. I don't think you will be that much better off. Please keep us posted. Good luck whatever you decide.

What an interesting thread. I think the rent/buy question is more difficult for us as we get older. It used to be that you could rent a home for life, My husband's Godmother and DH did just that. When he died she moved into a beautiful council house where she stayed until the end of the days. That really doesn't seem possible these days.

You seem to be being very thoughtful about it Smurf52 and I am sure you will come up with the right decision for you - I am not sure I could share a house again. I find I like my own routine but if someone was very special, may-be

Rightmove shows loads of houses for sale for over 60s only. I don't know the details of finance, but you buy for much less than the market rate, have somewhere nice to live, but don't have much left to pass on to your children when you die. Would this be an option? Can you get at your investment by taking a loss on it? It doesn't sound as if you would be happy living with this man even though it would solve your financial issues.

Have you considered applying for sheltered housing op? [Renting through a social landlord, not private retirement.] You sound very 'young' 65 op and I appreciate it can be difficult to adjust to the 'elderly' idea of this but don't let this put you off exploring what might be a good solution for you. Rents are very reasonable and there are sometimes bungalows with gardens available as well as apartments. There are some lovely ones in a country house in woodbridge. I believe you don't have to have any specific health needs to apply.

www.eastsuffolk.gov.uk/housing/how-to-register/

You may have to wait some time for something to come up so its probably not necessarily an instant solution.

I can understand your dilemma, but one thing that bothers me is that if he is 10 years younger than you, then he is very young to spend his days watching daytime tv. However you might think this sounds ok, surely you'd be driven mad by this eventually? As others have said - don't change your arrangement if it works well. I allowed someone to move in with me and was convinced it was for the best. We'd been together for years just seeing each other at weekends. It was a totally different story when we were living together, and we were both out working full time so weren't thrown together all day. Think carefully about losing your precious independence.

Don't move in with a hoarder. In fact, he sounds quite controlling if pleasant in other ways, so avoid cohabitation.

As for the tied up money. Can you get at if if you forgo the interest or pay a penalty? And, if you could access it, would it be enough for a deposit on a one bed flat?

Buying, however small a place, would give you autonomy, independence and security.

If he is an actual hoarding (rather than someone who has just accumulated stuff), then him saying that you can clear stuff out doesn't mean that he will let you when it comes to it. If you do decide to give it a try, don't move until he has let you do the clear out etc. It is an anxiety disorder and hoarders often have the will to clear things out but cannot face it actually happening.
My cousin is a hoarder and I have been with him when he and his wife were looking to buy yet another ornament to jam in somewhere. I fell over and a passing nurse insisted on calling an ambulance. He was furious and could not cope with the fact that their quest for this essential ornament had been thwarted. He actually became a bit nasty. I had a stress fracture on my foot but he insisted, when we got back to Northampton where he lives, that we walk into town and walk around the Christmas market there to find this ornament. After I came back home, I got an text a couple of days later to say that I needn't worry because they had found their ornament (no enquiry about my foot). I was quite shocked because he otherwise seems quite easy going. You just don't know how hoarding affects people until you become a barrier to it and see the anxiety take full hoard.
If he is not an actual hoarder, then it might be worth giving it a go. You are unlikely to be in a worse situation.

Your man needs to sort his place out and if he is truly motivated to have you there with him he will do that. You can help decide decor etc when it comes time for that but the de clutter has to be him making way for you to be in his life.

Your current arrangement seems ideal for you relationship wise.

Only problem with renting is that as you get older the thought of having to move on the whim of your Landlord gets very very scary. I an worried all the time that i will have to move out in 2 months or at the end of my tenancy.
There is no security in renting even when you are told you are there as long as you want. Rents go up. bills etc go up. Now on just my pension I find it very difficult at a time of life when I thought I would be settled & secure.
Broken marriage & ensuing money problems are the main cause. Be very careful whatever you decide & make sure it is exactly what you want.Best of luck with whatever you choose.

devongirl - even apartments/maisonettes in the broad area I am looking at are the same rent as houses approx £750/£850 pm, which I prefer. I had considered a park home but again cannot afford it as half my money is tied up for several years.
ilovecheese - yes he has a garden but you can't get into it because its so overgrown with bushes! If i can get his place straight i would happily keep it that way. I've been married twice and it was always me that kept house so nothing new there lol.
Christinefrance - exactly why I'm still keeping my rental option!
Auntieflo - yes I've factored in park home ground rent hence not affording it right now. I was hoping moving in with said man would mean i could preserve my capital with no extortionate rent.
Envious - i think depression with losing his wife and mum in same short space of time and not bring able to get another job after caring for his mum caused apathy in getting place sorted. I thought storage which i personally would have to do anyway as i have a lot of furniture would be my only major expense on my pension if i moved in with him.
PamelaJ1 - yes you are right and its causing lots of problems. No, i have made various enquiries regarding mortgage to tide me over until funds released, no can do as i only get state pension of £155 a week now I'm retired. Same for shared ownership, i was turned down for same reason. For all those reasons even buy to let is out.
Anyway thanks everyone. Its food for thought and having listened to you, i think maybe another year or two in rented whilst trying to get my man motivated to get his place straight in the meantime might be the way to go and kiss the idea of ever buying goodbye....

And do bear in mind that hoarders don't change their spots!

That's Buy to Let mortgage calculators!!!

What a difficult decision.
The first thing to say is that it doesn't sound as though you have access to your money, it seems to be tied up for 5years. Am I right about that?
In that case you aren't in a position to buy.
I have just been messaged by one of my sisters, her son has just sold his very small flat for £50 more than he paid last year. If you are living in an area with that sort of house inflation then the sooner you buy the better.
You need to find out if you can get a mortgage, are you still working?
You could buy a buy to let with a larger mortgage than a lender would allow you for your own home. The lending criteria is different too. That way you could keep some of your capital.
Of course if you do that you will have hassle, we have had a bit of hassle with most of our tenants but they have bought 2 houses for us. Look on the internet T ToL mortgage calculators to get an idea of what it will all cost. You don't make much at first but you are still in the housing market so shouldn't lose out if prices keep going up.
At the end of the day you need to talk to someone with some knowledge of all your financial options.
Then you need to decide if you should risk it with your man. Only you can tell that.

I think it should be his responsibility to clean out his house and make it presentable and have room for you. I know you'd like to help him but it will be hard on him deciding what to keep and may effect your relationship.weve all seen those hoarder shows on tv. Storage fees ad up and moving things there is a hassle.

I agree whole heartedly with Devongirl. It may sound good in theory, but you sound as though you do like your own space, so keep it. Also be aware that in a Park Home, you will probably be liable for ground rent etc, and other costs you may not have considered. If you use up any more of your capitol by moving on with said friend, you may not be able to afford to move out/on if it doesn't work out. Be very careful.

You don't seem 100% committed to the idea of moving in with your chap Smurf52 so I would wait a while longer for that.
devongirl's idea of a Park Home seems like a good one.

Does your chap have a garden? If he does maybe you could enjoy his at the weekends and wouldn't need one of your own.

As you have been renting for a while now, could you get used to being responsible for house repairs again.

I don't know about moving into his house, would he expect you to do everything just like his ex wife used to do it?

Smurf52, I can absolutely relate to your dilemma re. renting as I'll explain below, but first let me say everything about your post screams DON'T MOVE IN TOGETHER!! I know exactly how you feel about appreciating your own space during the week - if it ain't broke, don't fix it!!!

As regards renting, I did just like you, moved for DD secondary school after selling house, rented and used interest (high then!) to supplement income while waiting (pointlessly!) for property bubble to subside. Then rents went up, prices went up faster than I could save a deposit and I was getting older all the time. In the end bought a flat out of desperation 2 years ago because I knew it was my last chance to get a mortgage, now on my knees every month meeting repayments.

I would urge you to revisit the idea of renting a flat again. I live in a maisonette, one floor above me and I have the front garden. How about somewhere like that? I don't know whether you would be able to rent at a reasonable rate where you live? How about buying a park home, do you have enough cash for that? Not ideal but would avoid monthly rental going out.

I shall be interested what others advise. Good luck!!