Should I carry on renting at 65

Hoarders do not change. Just accumulate more stuff. He sounds totally unmotivated. You do not know anyone until you live with them.Why is his place such a mess? The least he could do is get his garden respectable. . In exchange for a free roof over your head I can see absolutely no plus side to moving in and losing your independence.

If you moved in with him and something happened to him where would that leave you. His son would get the property I guess and you could once again be looking for somewhere to live. I moved in with my now husband many years ago after selling my house. Realised I had no security and so my name was put on the house deeds as Tenant in Common which gave me some security. Myself, I would try for a mobile home, see if the money could be released early . Good luck.

Hi Smurf52
I am so glad that you have found a house with a garden and your own safe haven! I do miss my own cottage garden as it was just lovely. But I also do like my apartment lovely bright and space with lovely community garden. Good Luck with your future Smurf52 you deserve it

glammygranny- its so true. His late wife's clothes are still in the wardrobe. He still has his wedding clothes and knowing him, just about everything he's worn since he was 20. There are small boxes (i don't know if they are empty or not) of anything he's ever bought. When i buy something, i wait til im sure everythings working then i bin the box. If i havent used a gadget or gizmo in a year or anything else for that matter, its off to the charity shop.

I'm glad to hear that Smurf52. Best of luck with the decluttering!

The minute I hear the word hoarder I silently scream. I think there is more chance of a dog morphing into a cat than there is of a hoarder changing their ways. I'm married to one but doesn't seem to be quite on the scale of your chap Smurf52. He starts many projects and is actually quite brilliant at DIY however he gets about 80% of the way in and moves on to the next thing. I've been nagging for only 8 years that I needed some shelves putting up in 2 cupboards as I'm fed up of stuff lying everywhere. In the end I took myself off to Ikea on Monday and announced I was spending £475 on a 2 metre unit for the spare room. The shelves went up yesterday!
I've also nagged about him clearing out his wardrobe as he still has his wedding shoes and clothes from his work days in there (He's semi retired with a totally different role now). I expected to see some bin bags in the hall for the charity shop but no they were all put in boxes and up into the attic. One of these days our ceilings are going to collapse with the weight of all the stuff that might come in useful that is stored up there. So my advice would be unless you are happy to live with a hoarder don't even consider moving in. I'm an OCD tidy type of person and I know there's no way I could change so how then could a hoarder. I'd rather live in a 1 bed apartment happy than in a mansion miserable. It's not all about money. Happiness matters so much more.

So please to hear that, Smurf52, that sounds ideal. You should be able to see the way forward much more clearly after another year. Good luck!

Sunnym - what a nightmare for you! I could be setting myself up for the same thing. Anyway I thought you might like to know I've found a nice 2 bed house WITH A GARDEN to rent in August. I am signing up for at least a year until P. hopefully gets his house in order. If he really wants me to move in he will do it hopefully. I think I've made the right decision.

That's horrendous, sunnym. So glad you are all right now.

Making progress towards moving in, without actually moving in just yet, shouldn't be disappointing to him.
If he really loves you, he should be happy to take things slowly if it is what you want.

Hi Smurf. I was in exactly your position a number of years ago. Met a hoarder who had lived in the same house for 40years....Biggest mistake of my life and I paid for it dearly in many ways.

I had completely refurbished his home to his liking using my money. Which he then sold as he had always "wanted a bungalow with a view".
Again I transformed the bungalow as he basically sat and watched.

Almost as the paint was dry the verbal abuse and emotional abuse started which was a real shock. He wanted me out of the home. I tried everything to reason with him but when he realised that I was not for moving that's when the physical violence started.

It turned out the his daughter, who was a doctor, knew of his mental health problems and told me he had been that way all his adult life and they had a horrendous childhood with his violent mood swings. She said he was a high functioning Borderline Personality.

To cut a very long and frightening journey short I just about managed to get out alive.

I now live in a very nice apartment with communal gardens where we are allowed to do as much gardening as we please. It is run by a very reputable Social Housing Association. It is for the over 55's and I feel safe here for the first time in a long while.

I was always thinking about the good in people and spent all my adult life helping others. It cost me a lot in the end.

Please be really careful. If this man is happy to sit in a mess for years it is because he has a lot more going on with him that he is prepared to show you at the moment. Once you move in that is when the problems will start as he will not like you touching any of his stuff!

I was at my chap's yesterday. OMG it gets untidier every day even by his own admission. We went for a long walk and when we came back I took some measurements etc. I did think myself FarNorth that I would maybe rent another year and in the meantime keep my moving boxes after the removal and take them over to his so we can start putting things away. While he was making coffee I was looking at his photo album. He obviously loved his wife of 25 years so much. She died at 49 of hospital acquired pneumonia after going in for iv antibiotics with a water infection. He keeps saying how much he loves me and how he would like me to move in so i didnt want to disappoint him.

Good advice FarNorth

While continuing renting, could you go and stay at your chap's house for a week or two at a time, to help him with sorting and clearing as you would be doing if you moved in?

That way you would see how you feel about spending more time with him, and he might make more progress with clearing out than if he has to do it on his own.

In a very similar situation to you Smurf52, but not quite as far down the line. My former marital home has to be sold next year and although I will get a large chunk of equity out of it, it is not enough to afford a decent house in the area where I live. I am unable to get a mortgage due to my age and low earnings and rents are around £800 a month in this area. I too have a partner who has suggested I move in with him (where he has lived for over 20 years, with both his ex-wife and 2 other partners). My gut feeling is you are better keeping your independence, both financial and domestic, rather than end up in a situation you may regret in the future. Sorry to sound so negative, but I know how difficult it is sometimes to look at your own situation objectively.

GrandmaMoira - i wouldn't think so as i have too much capital.

Would you be eligible for housing benefit if you are renting and on a low income? I'm sure they would pay at least part of it.

It's worth remembering that if you own a property outright you need an easy access savings buffer to pay for essential repairs (boiler packs up, roof needs replacing etc). Not everything is covered by insurance and with something like subsidence which is covered, there may be a hefty excess. If you have a mortgage you can usually increase it to cover that sort of thing, if you're not working you may have difficulty getting a loan.

Smurf52 you're right about only having one bed room, although most places have somewhere for visitors to stay. In my FiL's place it's another one bedroom flat. It's kitted out like a self catering flat with towels and bedding. Pretty sure there's a small charge though.

He is a hoarder?
Run for the hills!

I have just looked at sheltered housing on Google. The rents are tempting but ooooh i don't know....i don't feel old enough and ready for it despite being 65 (i think i am in denial about my age lol)! Also it looks as if i have to rent a 1 bedroom. I have four sons and individually have them come to stay with me hence i have 2nd bedroom with double bed.

In my area a lot of sheltered accommodation has been renamed retirement housing and I think that reflects the changes in sheltered accommodation offered by social landlords, who have had save money like local councils. I don't know if any have resident wardens any more, not that they're called that anymore. Private schemes offer more, but at a cost and you could find yourself paying for something you don't need until you're much older. My FIL and my DH's Aunt & Uncle live in sheltered accommodation run by two housing associations. This has given me an idea of what it's like.

My FiL is in an older building (about to be refurbished) and his one bedroom flat is great. Good sized rooms, plenty of storage, car parking - even Sky and cable TV connections. Good location for everything, including views. The kitchen and bathroom have been replaced since he moved in about 10 years ago. He keeps himself to himself and could be living in any block of flats. There's a part time warden. A couple of single tenants are still working and at least one lady is an active 90 year old. The rent is about £85 a week.

On the other hand, the Aunt and Uncle live in a modern facility which offers sheltered accommodation, a care home and a nursing home. Their one bed flat is very small and has an open plan living room and kitchen. They choose to be very involved in the activities on offer and the communal areas are lovely and comfortable. Most people look elderly and no one looks like they're still working. The rent is quite a bit more than £85 a week.

I would have no hesitation in moving in to sheltered accommodation like my FiL's as soon as I was old enough. It's a win win situation to me. However, I'm pretty sure the scheme the Aunt and Uncle lives in would make any younger tennants feel old before their time.

Smurf52 I would definitely suggest looking into sheltered accommodation in your area because it might give you the security of renting you need as you get older, whilst still enabling you to live an independent life. You only have to be old enough.

I am so glad you all have given me help in this. Its a big weight off my shoulders. With the latest comments received i will probably give it another year renting while P. hopefully makes an effort to sort his house, albeit i will be just under £10,000 worse off after paying a year's rent. i will see if i can get something sorted out on the sheltered housing front but im guessing it will take time.

There is lots here to consider for both of you. 1.Hoarders do not easily give up there hoarding habits....to a greater or lesser extent you will still be battling with this. 2. While you enjoy each others company together at the weekend ...would you enjoy it permanently. 3. Although your finances will be easier is it really worth it.? Could you explore the option of a sheltered housing flat rented from a local housing association. They have communal gardens for everyone to share and enjoy. There is also the cost of paying for storage of some of your possessions and some of his as well...this is always more money than you expect and the total cost can spiral...even self storage is not cheap in the end over a long period. You have some difficult decisions to make, I hope you can find a solution soon.

I stupidly married a hoarder, with the promise that he would empty his house's (4) and we would keep my house clutter free, we then bought a 30 acres smallholding with derelict house which I agreed to finance while he rebuilt house.
15 years later he had filled the small holding with shipping containers full of junk no work on house and my house full to the rafters with junk.
I then insisted that he found a job which he did, although he never forgave me, and after another five years after he became more and more abusive I finally left (run away) it then took me Five years going through the courts and £70.000 in soliciters fees to get him out of my house. He ended up with the small holding and a wad of money, I had to sell my house to finance it all.
I ended up on a mobile home site in France and suddenly realised one day how happy I was .
It was a lot more involved than I've posted but please please do not get involved with a hoarder or spend anything of your money on his property, it will all end in tears. Run as fast as you can!