divorce

P.S, It is now 20 years later and I really wish that at the time I had pushed harder for myself. At the time I was just relieved to get to be on my own and out of a toxic relatonship.

Your solicitor and barrister should be fighting your corner, this includes any pensions, assets, accounts.
You of course have to declare all that you have.
His solicitor and barrister will fight his corner.
Generally it all works out pretty fairly.

In my own case we did it all 50/50. I could have pushed it a bit further as my ds although 18, was starting uni and he was still living at home..... I could have pushed for a slightly bigger share of the pot to help with ds and his higher level education. However, I didn't do this. Possibly because it was me who was leaving him and I wanted to be as fair as possible. I divorced him.

yggdrasil that was similar to my experience. I too am happily independent.
OP do not accept that it's his decision to make.
If your solicitor is not fighting your corner find another - preferably one who has earned a reputation for standing up for women going through divorce.

Keep in touch with your solicitor. You have the right but need to make it known.
My ex also was adamant I wasn't having any of his pension, which at the time was more than I was earning. So I got the house. I downsized and got mortgage free and I think I got the better of the deal in the end.

DH can want whatever he wants, but he is not in charge. I'd ignore DH and his solicitor, their opinions are not the end.

He can be as adamant as he likes. The court will decide and he'll have no choice.

Just to reinforce what others are saying.
Many years ago at the time of my divorce, my ex had a substantial pension pot worth almost as much as the house.
I ended up with the house complete with not too onerous mortgage, while he kept the pension pot. This suited me as I wanted a clean break without making any claim on his pension when it was due. I was able to pay off the mortgage over the next few years.
My teenager at the time thought it unfair that I kept the house while dad had 'nothing' in his eyes.
I sat him down and in a simplified way, showed him the breakdown.
Ex had a decent salary, took out a new mortgage and bought a good flat.
Many years later we're on friendly terms and no-one harbours any resentment.
But remember he has no right to dictate terms or decide what your settlement is.

I think he may be in for a shock. After a long marriage the starting point is 50/50 of ALL assets, which means the pensions and all other assets go into the pot to be shared when other debts have been cleared. Financial settlement on divorce is about needs and the means you have between you to meet them. He might prefer to keep his pension and allow you to keep your home but take advice about the relative values of both.

The financial settlement is separate from the divorce process. You can agree a settlement between you and go for a consent order drawn up by your solicitor to ensure it is watertight. This may be done after voluntary disclosure of your assets and possibly mediation.

If you cannot agree, the other option is the court route. Should you need to consider the court route, you will need to demonstrate that mediation has failed or is not possible. A declaration to this effect (MIAM) is an essential part of the divorce application.

Once you are in the court process you will each be answerable to the court for the timely production of documents etc. You will need to complete and exchange a full form E financial disclosure with supporting documents - bank statements etc. After that you each raise a questionnaire based on what is (and is not) disclosed. At the first hearing, the judge will decide which questions are to be answered and set a time frame. This is designed to make sure there is full disclosure before you reach the FDR ( final dispute resolution meeting) where you will be expected to negotiate and will also receive guidance from the judge on a fair settlement. If you don't settle at that point, you go on to a full final hearing where evidence will be examined by the court.

How things work out depends on a range of factors including length of marriage, ages, incomes, etc. Everything in sole or joint names goes into the pot initially.

Hope this is helpful. Been there and know how scary this all is. Stay strong! We're here to support you.

He may well be adamant that he will not be sharing his pension with you but if the court awards you 50/50 of all joint assets, that will include his pension pot whether he likes it or not. If he has quite substantial pension pot, your solicitor can negotiate, on your behalf, whether you husband would like to divvy up 50% of his pension pot or, alternatively, offset that share by giving you a larger share of the house value.

My experience was that all assets acquired in the course of the marriage were split 50/50.
Clearly the value of the house and contents, the pension pots, debts, savings and mortgage would all be included in the calculations.
You were right to take it to court for an impartial decision as he has no right to haggle over what he is willing to give you.