Social Care and daughter

Paddyann if this young man has been as good as you make him out to be he would have made sure his sick partner didn’t get pregnant again- twice. It is irresponsible to bring a child into the world without being able to look after it. Now, there is a little girl who is caring for a sick mother- and yes I know there are many young careers, but that doesn’t make this situation any better. There will also be a newborn suffering from morphein withdrawal. If the mother cannot even make a sandwich for her daughter how is she going to look after a baby, probably with complex needs?

I'm sorry, but it seems hugely irresponsible and selfish for the parents to have another child in this situation, aside from the poor 8 year old girl having to be her mother's carer.

so judgemental ,unless you're in the situation you have no idea how difficult it is .Hopefully the young carers people will do whats needed for the wee girl and soon and maybe ..just maybe having some space from the day to day torture of watching his partner in the horrible place she inhabits will give the dad the strength to either step up or walk away with his child/children
This young man has done well so far,spent years with someone he was about to leave and taken care of her in ways many more mature men wouldn't even consider.Selfish he's not,at the end of his tether definately .I wish the OP and her family some peace in this awful situation .I'm sitting on the same side of the fence as she is ,with the one difference that nothing is more important than my AC and GC so we spend a lot of time helping with the children and trying to find solutions for problems as they arise.I would be inclined to move the 8 year old in with me ,that gets two things sorted.She's safe and being cared for and the daughter will almost definately be given carers if theres no one else to do what the wee girl is doing .This sadly isn't a lone case ,there are thousands of young people caring for sick and disabled parents and most of us dont see it because it doesn't affect us .Social services are in the main overworked and if they have assessed the child and found her to be capable they'l be happy to let her carry on .My GC who help with their mother are older ,not much but 16 and 12 and they dont administer meds .They have a good support group of friends and neighbours for when we aren't there .Ideally the OP needs to find adults who can step in under circumstances where the child would be at risk .

Twiceasnice I agree.

This is a serious child protection issue. It beggars belief that a 7 year old is in this situation. Why should she even be making her own sandwich let alone be able to have access to a drug that can kill. Somebody need to tell SS the real situation , if I knew your address I would be doing it. You cannot all absolve yourselves of your responsibility to this child and the new one. Babies withdrawing from drug dependency is awful, I have seen it in previous work. Please do the right thing and protect your grandchild, she is more important than any other commitment you have

I can’t help feeling the father is a waste of space, he’s pretty hopeless and selfish now, what’s he going to be like with the added burden of a baby

If, as the OP says in her first post, there has been. Young Carers Assessment then Children’s Services are already involved.

If the OPs DD has been playing down how incapacitated she is when in sole charge of the child then they may not be working on the correct information.

Someone (that'll be you OP) needs to tell them how bad it is so they can do their jobs and safeguard those kids!

. To be blunt, the adults here had no 'right" to conceive another child without a thought for its safety both pre and ante natal let alone dumping all this responsibility on the shoulders of a 7 year old child. I am baffled at how the children's father is feeling better and in a happier place mentally knowing his daughter is taking over his responsibilities. As to a child administering morphine to a pregnant woman, this is scandalous. I do not wish to upset or offend you but this pregnancy is a selfish act by two selfish people.

If, as the OP says in her first post, there has been. Young Carers Assessment then Children’s Services are already involved.

There are various criteria for what constitutes inappropriate care and administering medication is one of them.
There should be action as a result of the assessment. The risks to the children of this family, born and unborn are evident.

I hope the OP is looking at the situation in a new light now and that she returns to set our minds at ease. I’m sure everyone who has read this thread is very worried about this little girl.

If I knew of anyone who was in this situation I would be on the phone to SS immediately. This is neglect and the blame lies 50/50 with DD and SIL.

I may be only guessing but I think there could be a very real danger of the little girl being taken into care if SS knew she had access to a dangerous drug like morphine let alone responsibility for administering it.
Without prying, how much more pressing are your “commitments to another family member”?
What do you see as your priorities in the situation and is there absolutely no “wriggle room” ?

We don't know what your other commitments are but I can't think of anything more important than getting proper care for this family. The situation sounds very dangerous all round suppose she decides to see what mum's medicine tastes like. 7/8 year old little girls can seem very grown up but it is an illusion.

I am assuming that the health of the unborn baby is being monitored, and arrangements are in place to care for a newborn suffering morphine withdrawal. This sounds like a very unsafe situation for the baby and the little girl. I think you need to inform Social Services right away: both children are in danger.

Would the father be happier to be a stay at home dad if he was single? Sounds like the marraige is dead in the water anyway, and if his reason for not being home is his wife, it might be better if he moves out and takes sole residency of the kids.

This situation cannot be allowed to continue. The husband/father sounds totally selfish, even if he has been a full-time carer for 6 years, and should not leave his 8 year old daughter alone to care for her heavily pregnant mother and administer morphine as and when necessary. I am sure Young Carers are concerned, who wouldn't be? What other commitments do you have that you can't be there for your disabled daughter and your granddaughter? Please, with the help of your SIL and other family members, make long-term arrangements to ensure the safety of all concerned, before your new grandchild is born, as this is indeed an impossible situation.

Also concerned for the little girl and the new baby. Neither parent sounds capable. Your daughter won’t go to a tribunal because it’s stressful!!? What about the stress she and her partner are bringing by choosing to have another child?! I am amazed that social services have not done more.

I don't think that the powers that be would be very impressed by this present situation. For a start morphine is a dangerous drug and is usually administered by " one who knows " and under supervision.
Adult social services should be involved and even a GP who could help provide a self-medicating kit to be used when and if. For a child to carry out this task is a no no afaik !

Bluebelle.

This little girl is playing on my mind too!

This is a terrible situation for everyone in it but your grandchild didn't choose any of it, she's had no voice in any decision. This is gransnet, full of grannies of all descriptions I'd imagine, but I'm sure most of us would be in the little girl's corner. She needs a guardian for herself and her future sibling who is going to need more care and attention than she should be expected to provide. I'm sure that the practicalities of a small demanding little baby and the nightly routines etc have not been thoroughly thought through enough to guarantee that this responsibility does not impact on the granddaughter.

I am open mouthed the more I think about this and the more I think of ican thinking that a 7 year old should be doing this without an adult around making a sandwich and drink and putting herself to bed keeps going round in my head
Why aren’t the two families in there, what can be more important in your life than a very ill daughter and a granddaughter who is in a totally unsafe situation, poor little lady
You need to sort this now and not have that tiny child administering morphine and nursing her mother a day longer
This is playing on my mind why isn’t it yours ?

And by family carers I mean adults.

This has gone beyond what a child carer should be doing. If your DD cannot stay alert, kids should have someone else supervising them.

Does anybody know of anything she can do as I am sure she has a right to be a mother

In the UK we only have parental responsibilities, not rights

You daughter needs to put her kids first. She needs to speak to SS and tell them that she cannot be in sole care of these kids.

If she doesnt do that for her kids sake, she cares about herself more than the kids!

Options are:
Carers
Family carers
Family fostering
External fostering
Adopion.

The kids being home alone with your DD in these circumstamces should not be considered by anyone who claims to care for these kids!

Has your daughter had a CHC checklist done to see if she can have some funding for care.

We need to use the proper words here, your GD is being neglected. Just because she is feeding herself does not mean it is okay.

In the short term, the liquid morphine has to stop, it is not okay for a child to be dispensing it and when the baby is born it will be harder to titrate the babys withdrawl doses if the doses have been ad hoc and from the sounds of it, too much! Your DD should not be taking so much it knocks her out. It is not a sedative, if you take so much that that happens, you are playing roulette with fatal doses.

More controlled or Slow release forms would help with managing the babys withdrawl when its born

The baby will be born withdrawing. Do you know what that means?

Foster care may be the best case scenarios for the kids at the moment.

This is an untenable situation Icanhandthemback The new baby is a done deal now so things have to move on. Someone here has to step up to the plate whether it be you or your son in law, your granddaughter cannot be expected to take on these responsibilities.
As I have said on other threads the safety of children is paramount, I could not in all conscience advocate a way for the child to help with the medication issue.

I agree with the above; the main concern should be for the seven year old daughter:
'Her daughter is able to look after herself, make a sandwich and drink, put herself to bed etc'.
Do you really think that is all right? And expecting her to deal with morphine, and shortly, a new baby?
Poor children.