Social Care and daughter

Icanhand, thanks so much for this update. It’s good to see adult social care advocating for and supporting your daughter. Children’s services should respond more effectively with encouragement from adult services
Meetings are good because schools and other agencies have to be honest, often they’ll minimise concerns when talking to family. For the best of intentions probably but not helpful. Best of luck to all of you, hope all goes well with the baby

I'm delighted your family is getting the help it needs.I hope that your daughters labour is short and that she has a safe delivery and that she can get some quality of life back.I 'm sure that when that happens you might be able to sleep at night and will feel the benefit of it too.I knwo that we sleep with one ear open waiting for a call,often there are hospital visits at 11pm or midnight or even later and you cant relax not knowing what the night will bring.Lets hope life hets easier for you all and that the new baby brings joy with it ,my mother always said a new baby brings luck with it .

to icanhandthemback. I just want to wish you all the best
I have some understanding of this kind of situation and I know only too well how hard it is, not only to be chronically ill and in pain but I know the effects it has on near family which are often ignored or overlooked by other family amd friends. None of us are in a vacuum!
I was denied help for a long time and so my daughter had to help me a lot. This is all in the past now but I was shocked at how little Social Services will help. And family too far to help.

I am pleased that your DD will now get help to claim PIP.
I think it is essential that her partner can work. His mental health is also important.

I hope that your DGD also gets the support and help she needs. I think a day with you and your other GC is a great idea.

I hope that the baby comes v soon and all goes well. I will be thinking of you and your family and wishing them the best possible outcomes.

Sorry phone trouble! Thankfully someone official has finally worked it out and done some joined up thinking. Hopefully the few understandable behavioural issues with your granddaughter will be dealt with before they escalate. All you need now is for this baby to get here!

Oh icanhandthemback I can read your relief! Thank

The Meeting was held and I was the only family member to attend which was a bit sad. There is some good news although many plans for help were delayed until my DD has had her baby and they know what she needs. Only four more days before she is induced so I am assuming that SS will be wanting another meeting before long.
The Adult Care Social Worker is going to go with my daughter to her new Dr to ensure that she gets the medication she needs in a form that will be accessible to her. Sadly, one of the things I hadn't mentioned was that my daughter's GP took the opportunity to remove her from his surgery because she had moved about a mile outside his current area. She had asked if she could stay until the baby was born because her anxiety means she finds it hard to talk to new health care people. Strangely, despite saying yes initially, he seemed to change his mind although he has allowed her husband and daughter to remain on his books. The Adult SW is going to advocate for her and is going to insist that my daughter is referred for help with her anxiety. I could have cried with relief. I have battling for that help since she was a teenager. The Adult SW also recognised that my daughter is completely side swiped by adversity. Although she has missed the deadline for appeal on the PIP, she will support a new application which is fantastic.
One of the side effects of all this has meant that my DGD behaves really badly for her mother and, quite understandably, has her own anxieties. The Child SW has been working with my DGD and has quickly got a handle on some of the things that concern me so she is going to arrange for my DGD to have proper support with her emotions. It was interesting to hear the School's take on my DGD too. Despite Mum and Dad speaking to the school several times about how she was settling in, they hadn't admitted that she had been pushing boundaries there too. Nothing terribly serious but some of the things I worried about like her interactions with children (being overly controlling, very bossy, lacking in compromise, etc) have been noted. I am heartened by this for my DGD because her last school seemed to have no idea.
The Adult SW seems to think that Child Services have really let my daughter and her family down so she is going to push really hard for them to step up to the mark. She is also going to speak to me independently to see if we can work out exactly what care my daughter really needs.
I can't begin to explain what a relief it is that somebody "gets it."

I seem to remember 80% of challenges to Pip type tribunal decisions are successful.

Wow! How on earth have you all been coping so admirably? I have a disabled AC who is almost 21, so I have a little experience.

Unfortunately, those who shout loudest get what they want. We are not that type, but have learned to get anything you have to keep on and on. Social services have a duty to help solve this, and someone, your sil, must show how much help is needed. The last thing SS want to do is remove a child.

Pip - when our son was first diagnosed, we were told by our then community health visitor to think of him on his worst days when applying for financial help (he was then five). It's not just financial, it opens the doors to practical help and we have always been honest instead of trying to gloss over the facts.

I know my situation is different to yours, but you are most welcome to contact me directly on here if you think I can be of any help.

I really feel in awe of people who do so much!

Thank you iam. Being aware of what might happen means we're ready! Lots of family support available and we're good n ready to intervene.
I realise that many families are not in that position so must go through official channels, which is difficult.

mcem, many of us have had similar experiences, it's so hard isn't it. You're a strong family to do as you are, hope things go ok x

My two older DGDs were in a similar though less dire situation. They lived a good bit away from us and unfortunately it was some time before the situation became clear. We pulled out all the stops and moved all of them closer to family where support could be offered.
Without going into detail, two younger children are now involved in a what could be a rerun of the previous experience. However we are aware of things and are ready to intervene if necessary.
The 21 year-old and 19 year-old have just recently disclosed how they felt about having onerous caring duties imposed on them ( plus being sworn to secrecy and "not telling"). They have stayed in touch with their mother only in the interest of the young ones but it's very clear that their earlier experiences have affected them.
The younger ones will not find themselves in such a position. We are aware of the possibilities and are doing all we can to protect them.

icanhand, it sounds as though the meeting is what used to be called A Child in Need meeting, the name may have changed since I retired.
There is no avoiding the impact of the austerity agenda on Children and Adult Services. Thank goodness for the Child Carer programme, otherwise this situation could well have been left till it reached crisis point.
It's worth remembering that whilst this doesn't warrant statutory involvement, the l.a. does have a duty to support families in order to avoid statutory involvement. Find our if there are any support services, like family centres, unqualified social workers or voluntary agencies nearby who could support when the baby arrives. Bernardo's do some great work with young carers and parents who have health problems.
try not to feel overly criticised by some comments. I often feel if the majority of people were aware of the extent of difficulties some children face daily, they'd be shocked. Your granddaughter has loving parents, yes they're struggling, yes a 2nd baby was a poor choice but the baby is coming and life will hopefully go on. I do hope support services can be found, I recognise you're stretched to a large extent by other family demands x

Could your disabled daughter manage a morphine pump?

I hope that things get sorted out satisfactorily at the meeting Icanhandthemback, what a worry for you. Your daughter's health situation sounds awful, hopefully she will get relief soon. Is there any talk of help after the baby is born?

Thank you, Doodle, a meeting has been called for school, health practitioners and family to attend. Having done my reading it is a meeting which can be called to give help to parents where there is insufficient evidence for statutory intervention. Out of all the family, I am the only one who has said they'll attend but at least I can see how the land lies. My daughter is in such a bad way that they are going to intervene so her baby is encouraged to arrive shortly. She can barely stand now and is unable to sit up at all as the baby sits on her oesophagus causing it to spasm which the medical professionals tell me is like having a heart attack. One of the problems with having stretchy, ineffective collagen is that the womb stretches abnormally so she is floating very high. Hopefully, once she is out, my daughter can revert back to needing morphine less often. She has decided not to breastfeed this time so her hormones can return to normal quicker which might mean less laxity in her joints. Finger's crossed.

ican I think you deserve a medal. I was exhausted just reading your post above about what you are all trying to cope with. I wish you and your family well and hope you get all the help and support you can.

Thank you, both. It is a tough situation for anybody in this situation. I am having my granddaughter tomorrow. She will join my autistic grandson and I to go to an imaginary play centre which I hope she will enjoy. I am taking the time to relax this evening as I have been minding the little lad for the past 24 hours whilst his parents have a respite weekend. I have to say I don’t know how they cope as they both work and you can’t take your eyes off him for a second. I am completely shattered but have had the most wonderful time with a boy who is almost completely non-verbal but is trying his damndest to communicate.

icanhandthemback people shouldn't judge ..whether they have the whole story or not .As I said my daughter is in a similar situation but has two children who area bit older and a fantastic support system of friends and neighbours .My heart goes out to you as I know how hard thsi is ,as to the father ,I fully understand teh pressure he is under an dunless you have cared for osmeone who is suffering chronic pain on a daily basis you have no idea of what it does to your head.The very fact he managed for so long is amazing.I wish him and you and all your family all the help and support you need .Be kind to yourself because sadly in this country nowadays others WILL judge what they know damn all about

Thank you icanhandthemback it is good if you to keep us updated. This must be a tremendous worry for you which cannot be good for your own health. Hopefully there will be some help when the new baby is born and it is good to hear that your dgd is in school every day and spending time with children of her own age.

Excuse me for not responding earlier but as you can imagine, I have been rather busy. I have a mother who is in and out of hospital, a grandchild who is autistic who I care for, my own child is in the middle of his A levels alongside the daughter who is currently pregnant.
There are too many posts to answer every one individually but I will address some of the issues. The Young Carers people are involved and we will have a family meeting to try to sort things out. The only concern they had about my soon to be 8 year old grandaughter was the morphine which has been resolved as a neighbour is prepared to assist. Dad works part-time because he things were looking considerably better for my daughter until she got pregnant. Normally, she would only take morphine about 4 times a month when the pain got really bad but the pregnancy has made things much worse. However, the midwife says that as long as she is only taking the few doses she has to take, the baby will not likely be needing help for withdrawal.
My Grandaughter is now back at school because my daughter was unable to homeschool any more. It took a while and, in order to secure her a place in the school down the road, Social Services were involved. In their wisdom, knowing everything I have told you, they decided there was no need for their help.
The problem is, because my daughter is not on morphine 24/7, there are no services who can help apparently. Similarly with the baby because although my daughter does dislocate, she managed her first baby until she got too big to lift which was when my SIL had to give up work.
Yes, I doubt they would have lasted if his Dad hadn't died but they are giving it their best shot. I'd defy anyone who was in relationship with a chronically ill person who didn't find it difficult sometimes and want their own space. My daughter will either have to go to a tribunal or apply to be reassessed but that is her decision. It is a spiteful system and I cannot believe that anybody could look at her illness and think she wasn't a deserving case. Yes, Goodbyetoallthat, she does have EDS and no, nobody should expect a 7 year old to dish out morphine. I didn't know that was the case until my DD told me about the Young Carers Report which was when she also realised how bad it was for her daughter. She is mortified.
GillT57, I cannot believe they decided to conceive another child either. However, it is too late to put that in the box.
As to the reasons I cannot help? I have the same condition (but to a lesser degree) so I have really bad arthritis. My daughter was forced to move 20 miles away from me so I cannot just pop round like I used to be able to when she lived 500 yards up the road. I don't think she realised how much I helped when she first had her daughter. I am also one of the carers for my ailing mother who, as I said earlier, has been in and out of hospital recently and I care for my Autistic Grandchild. His parents are struggling a bit although many of their troubles will resolve themselves when they move and the care after the ASD diagnosis kicks in. For all of the posturing on here about how much I should be there, I can only do my best. I have told my daughter that I will be there for her as much as I can but I am fast becoming worn out.
notanan2, nobody has closed ranks. We have been frank with the Social Services, Young Carers people and anybody we've spoken to. The big problem is money; it just isn't there for an intermittent problem because it is irregular. Young Carers will back a reassessment of the PIP but beyond that, they are not sure what can be done.
Of course our family are not going to stand by and see 2 loving parents lose their children. Actually, neither is their father. He has said that he will give up work if he has to but he was hoping he would be able to progress his career to be able to have a healthier mindset, and to be able to afford to pay for his wife to have help so she could be a mother to her children. All I was asking for was whether anybody knew of a way for her to have that help without her husband having to do it for 33 hours a week; after all he does the lion's share of 135 hours a week. You have no idea how much people judge him for "sitting at home on benefits."

I have been thinking of her too. What a sad, difficult situation.

I know what you mean Bluebelle, just thinking about her makes me sad

Is anyone else like me still thinking about this little girl and the very very difficult situation ? I wish we could have an update

Well said notanann. I’d like to hear from the op what she is doing to help.

The thing about child protection is that when it comes to kids welfare, people do need to be judgemental and interfere!

The children come first. The OP needs to step up and stop letting her sympathy for her ADULT daughter (who planned this pregnancy) before doing right by the child.

PaddyAnn the "support" you speak of cannot be put in place if the family "close ranks" in defense of the adult daughter! The OP being frank to social services gives the kids a fighting chance to get the support they need