What to do

My husband has just hit me with a bombshell ..... again! We have been married 38 years.

I am 64 and he is coming up to 70. 5 years ago we were forced to sell our house as he refused to make any provision to pay the mortgage loan off. He had ample funds to do so but just wouldn’t. We downsized to a much smaller property to an area I absolutely HATE 60 miles away and took out a £110,000 5 year mortgage. I have not worked since I was 55 and he retired 2 years ago. The term is coming to an end and now he wants to take out a 10 year mortgage till he’s 80. This time I am saying NO.

He was a 6 figure earner and ploughed thousands into his pension every month. His pension worth is about 8 x mine. We live off his other occupational pensions from a long time ago and his state pension (65). He hasn’t touched his main pension. I won’t get any state pension till I’m 66. My total income is £190 pm from a company pension.

He is pleading with me saying he will have to pay 40% tax on withdrawing money from his pension to pay off the existing mortgage when we could easily afford the repayments.
I couldn’t care less; we have been having this argument for 20 years now. This setup may suit some people but definitely not us.

I am saying no because I have found out his pension is not covered in our mirrored wills. We are tenants in common. If I outlive him then I could end up in debt if he leaves his pension to his 2 children from his first marriage (one is a multi millionaire). If he outlives me then he could cut my own 2 children from our will. We have 1 child from our marriage many years younger than the other 4. All the children have children of their own.

He is so threatening that I feel I’ll cave in. I am often frightened of him. The only alternative is divorce. I’m past caring so if this is what happens then so be it. He will use everything in his power to bring me down if I go ahead. He calls me a parasite for living off him and conveniently forgets I had a local authority house at the time I met him which we bought just after we married. We have never in 37 years missed a mortgage payment or any other payment for that matter.

He has always been an extremely volatile and a highly strung individual who has controlled me from the beginning. He can seem very charming to others .... when he wants to be. We have no friends. He claims it’s because I’m introverted (I’m really not, I just find him constantly embarrassing).

I feel on the verge of a breakdown over this.