no income

Maw I was surprised what you said about asking your DH for money when you didn't work when your children were small.

We always treated all income from both, or one of us as a joint family and income and that I earned my share by looking after house and family, and much else because DH traveled so much. Each month I allocated the family income into the various necessary pots and what was left was split in two. Family Allowance was part of that family pot. For convenience I set it aside as the clothing budget for DC and myself.

The money was split between us depending on what we paid for, housekeeping on my part. What we then did with the money was nobodies business but the individuals. If I spent the months money on a designer coat that was up to me providing that everybody was fed and clothed and I knew how I intended to pay for everything.

The only time I have ever asked DH for money was for a week when my handbag with all my cash, credit, debit cards and cheque book was stolen and I hated every second of it.

Lily, I'm not sorry you started this thread or asked questions- Financial discussions help everyone- Especially so during these politically, rocky periods-

You mentioned in one of your posts something about receiving 1000 monthly - Do you set that income aside to cover necessary expenses for mortage/rent, utilities, food and auto or for items you want?

That of course is your choice Lilylavender but you must consider your own needs as well as those of your adult children. Time to talk to your family about finances I think including your husband. I understand you being defensive about your children but the fact remains you chose to have five.

Your health issues are why you get pip though, Lily.
It is yours alone for you to spend, precisely because you can't work.

The system is working well for you, as it should do, I think?

I was brought up to know about the importance of not opting for the married woman's stamp and continuing to pay the full stamp after I married.

My aunt held a very senior nursing appointment and at a time when pension schemes could refuse membership to anyone in poor health on joining, This happened to her and she knew she would be entirely dependent on the state pension. She married quite late and had no children and she kept paying the full stamp because she wanted the independence of her own pension when she retired. She also paid the voluntary contributions when her health problems meant she did have to retire about 5 years early.

She explained this all to me when it was happening and I was in my mid-teens and advised me never to pay the married woman's stamp because it would limit my independent state pension when I retired.

I come from a family with a tradition of independent feminist women extending well back into the 19th century. Several of whom were widowed young and had to work to support their families.

Apologies for spellings. Using an ipad

Yes I worked from leaving school but not sure what that does when married later
My now hisband whom I have been married to for 25 years worked 10-12 hoir days and then I worked evenings. Wheni hit 42 I got rheumatoid arthritis and had a baby as well whom i had at 42. - so bad of me to have another child sorry- tehn my condition was so severe I could not work i am on biologic treatment in hospital and now have degenrating discs osteo arthritis and other things inc hip replacement. I would,love to work but my reasoning is i may be able to work a couple of days then have to have sick days as my body cant cope with it being in constant pain. So then i wojld have to go to job centre I assume and claim Income supposrt for the days I cnanot work. Housing benefit would stop or change then would be back at work a few days and start all over again. Alao what wmployer would accept this type of working pattern from an older person as well
Its all very well saying disability rights and employers have to do this and that but realistically who would employ so eone like me
As for extra board feom sons, tbey do give me more if I need it but one is trying to save for a house deposit with his gf. So i would not take more from him and the other son does give extra when he earns extra. He only works in McDonalds and aged 20 so minium wage.
Also my eldest son is at his gf house every weekend so doesn't cost us much
Unfortunately I was a mother first. And no did not look at my crystal ball to see what the future held
Sorry I ask the question

Duh! I should have thought first! Thank you rosecarmel

Maw, it's a typo- That should have been is, not isb-

Lily Lavender I do find it hard to understand your position. Did you not work before you married. I am a good 20 + years older than you and from the day I married our bank account was shared .

I chose to pay the lower rate of NI contribution all my working life because we needed every penny whilst the children were small and also because I knew I'd have a decent occupational pension, plus a reduced State Pension based on my husbands contributions.

Sad that people didn't realize any implications for their eventual State Pension entitlement. All the more reason to teach these things in Social Studies (or whatever it's now called) at school.

I agree with Doodledog in that many or most women haven't really had equal opportunities in their working lives. Many worked part-time through necessity and lost out on promotions. The playing field is not level, never was.

I was so jealous of my male colleagues. Many had a wife at home (full or part time) and would go home to well looked after children, household chores done, even dinner on the table.

I came home to chaos, never sat down (disastrous), had a coffee and started my 'other job'. I turned down promotions, didn't apply as I knew my limits. I went to work exhausted, even ill, worried sick sometimes about children or finances. Being a single widowed parent put me at a distinct disadvantage at work.

rosecarmel I am unclear about this
Certainly if 1000 doesn't cover items you might like to buy the 1000 isb getting used to cover necessary expenses

Am I missing something “isb” ?

more than 50% of income goes towards sustainables there's a problem

Goodness, I can remember a time when more than 50% of income went on just the mortgage and probably 95% of income went on sustainables!
Restaurant meals? What were they?

I suppose at the time, saving everything we could to buy a house, every penny counted. The enthusiasm with which the lower rate of NI was sold to us persuaded most of us to opt for it, perhaps at the age of 22 or 23 we were rather naive or perhaps we thought we may not ever receive any state pension anyway, it could be abolished.

Budgeting, being thrifty, scrimping and pinching coins is how many go about managing finances instead of paying closer attention to how all the rest of their money flows- Its where the more sizable chunk of monies go that matters-

If more than 50% of income goes towards sustainables, there's a problem- And by sustainable I mean housing cost, untilities, auto and basic, nutritious food- Not restaurant meals- Not snacks-

polnan. When my husband died, almost 4 years ago. my unmarried son moved in with me. He pays a very generous amount towards the household expenses.
I, naturally, assumed that I was not eligible for any kind of top-up to my basic pension. Due to my husband working very erratic hours I had never had a 'proper' job while the children were at home. I did child-mind for many years, was an 'Avon lady, and did various other things to help out the family finances. I worked in our local newsagents for 8 years, until I was 70, when my husband had to retire early because of poor health. He was 6 years older than me.

Recently I saw a Facebook page which advises people about their finances, and put on a comment. I was surprised to be told that I could probably claim Pension Credit. I didn't really believe it, but filled in the forms and, surprisingly, I was eligible, and have received an extra £20 a week.
I agree that this seems totally unfair, especially to people who have paid the full stamp for many years. Like polnan I didn't expect any extra. The state pension scheme needs a major overhaul.

The way the choice was sold to you by your employer may have been a con, but that doesn't make the actual offer a con.

I worked in several offices where women were getting married and all HR did was send up a form for them to mark their choice and no more.

The discussion was all between female staff members. Most opted to pay full stamp. I can remember one woman who chose otherwise and we all thought her choice very short term. Still she was married and left within 6 months to have a baby, so perhaps she got it right, it would have saved money over a very short period.

I was always very clear how the system worked and what my option was going to be and no persuasion or weasel words from an employer would have changed that decision.

LilyLavendar, yes, I think your initial post was a little ambiguous hence the variety of responses you have received.

It seems then that your husband isn't the one who is withholding money and your post is in line with woman having to wait longer for their pensions.

While going forward it is a fact that people in general are living longer therefore adjustments to future pensions need addressing, the way the government introduced the changes affecting Woman was appalling.

Showing support in the WASPI direction is the way for you to address this if you wish for some rightful earlier income.

This general area is a huge bone of contention so don't be put off by responses, which are not all directed at you or your family, but blowing off steam at general things around the topic.

Now you have updated us further, I do hope your husband has made a full recovery from his Cancer.

I said it was a con and the way it was 'sold' to us by the LHA I was working for at the time it certainly was. As was the fact that women's pension contributions were returned to them as a 'marriage gratuity' by the Civil Service.

Women have been conned right down the line.

I didn't say Married Women's allowance was a con MOnica just that I and probably many others did not understand the implications for our pension. With hindsight I would have done things differently but c'est la vie.

I agree with you, Doodlebug. Increasing the SPA so rapidly and impacting so dramatically on a small cohort of women who have lived with so much inequality throughout their working lives, in the name of fairness and equality, is laughable. It has been badly done and those responsible for it were well aware of what the consequences would be. It was easy money for them.

Lilylavender’s wish for an income of her own is what the WASPI women are fighting for - a bridging pension for those affected. I like to think there’s a small chance it may yet happen. The more women that stand up and fight for it, the bigger that chance will be.

£200 monthly from your sons is not enough, is that £100 from each or £200 from each?

Even if it is £200 each, that equates to only £50 per week, where could you rent a place for that amount of money? This would also include utilities, food, water, tv licence etc. I would look into putting their board up

The married woman's stamp was not a con. Its purpose was quite clear and its limitations always well known. I can remember many lively discussions at work when someone was getting married as whether to move to it or not. I never did because I wanted my own independent income whne I retired.

As for teaching about personal finances, yes it can help to teach the details of the wide variety of mortgages now available or the intricacies of different pension schemes.etc, but basic financial management is just basic good sense, live within your income - and most people can, save money to deal with any unexpected problems, do not get into debt , if you can avoid it and save for the future whether a house deposit or aa pension.

How much women earned in their lives is irrelevant. The simple question is why should women work fewer years than men to get a pension. By being able to work those extra 5 years they have a chance to make more contributions and get a larger pension.

Sometimes life is less than fair. All of us get knocked back at sometime or another. I spent 7 years at home with small children. I went back to work the year women who stayed home with children got pension cover for domestic responsibilities. Too late for me.

I also paid into a company pension that was like the modern personal pensions, but before it was made compulsory for pension funds to increase the amount invested in the pension fund in line with the rise in the fund development. So I left the company in 1968 and from then until I retired in 2003 not a penny was added to the fund. When I left the company it was worth £10 a year. 35 years later it was still worth only £10 a year. DH in a similar circumstance, but a few years later after the legislation saw a similar pension become 10 times greater when it was paid 30 years later.

Later when I worked part time, part timers could be excluded from pension schemes - and I was. That has changed as well.

If I had not been working too early for all those improvements, how much more pension would I be now receiving? Probably several hundred £s a month.

I was 40 before I had the opportunity to put any money into a proper pension scheme. When I did, I put as much extra money into the scheme as I could.