Cannot get him to leave

PS www.mybuilder.com/pricing-guides/kitchen-fitting-cost

Can you possibly guess the cost of the house maintenance he has done? For instance it may be easy enough to work out the cost of the fridge, and what the bathroom and kitchen would have cost if they had been done by a tradesman.

Remember too that your housework has a value of about £8 per hour including shopping.

Also you have provided a roof over his head, what otherwise would he have had to pay in rent?

Whether or not he has rights depends on how the original quid pro quo worked out. It sounds to me you are approximately quits. But see a lawyer.

PS www.homebuilding.co.uk/bathroom-cost-guide/

My friend did what ReadyMeals has suggested. It seemed to work out well and they're still friends. Perhaps think about this suggestion.

Every case is different, I suppose. Hope things work out for you.

I don't have the patience of a saint myself. I'd have got a couple of heavies to convince him to move on by now!

Definitely no to doing the tenancy agreement! That just adds another layer to his rights and you'll end up with two cases to fight. Ok my idea is this, if he won't move out. As you have been assured he has no legal interest in a share of the house, you put it on the market, and don't invite him to join you in the new house when you move in - that way he has no rights to it as his home. But out of the sale, pay him the share of his expenses that you have either managed to agree or think fair. You could also give him a deposit to rent a flat so he can't say you left him homeless.

I have had my appointment this morning, and the lovely lady that sent the ‘shelter’ info link is right, That he has no claim on the property and that should he feel he does he would need to instruct his own solicitor.
They agree that in the interest of kindness to offer him a percentage of what he has paid for works carried out, taking into consideration depreciation and that he has made use of the facilities. I always intended to pay him.
They advised to 1, work out amicably between us. 2, mediation 3, solicitor, of course if he is unreasonable or unresponsive to any suggestion i can simply ask him to leave without offering him a penny and he would have to make a claim through the courts should he wish.
This is however where the water muddies.... as there is no actual domestic violence the police wouldnt be inclined to remove him.
I can give him notice to leave and then if he fails to leave, locks can be changed (i really would never do thaf!)
The other option would be to offer him a tenancy and he pay me rent (this may be enough for him to go rent independently rather then having to pay me!) if however he wanted that, i could draw up aa 6 month assured short hold tenancy, i can then terminate that at any point with 2 months notice, if he then fails to leave i can get him evicted (which would be expensive and time costly but at least would be done properly as such)

And so, i have things to think about and put in place.... but as a final thought...advise anyone and everyone you know not to get into my situation ?.

Thanks to all of you that helped me last week with your kind words, thought and links

Nicky x

Nickysmadhouse you said you had been in touch with CAB and will be getting a free half hour with a solicitor. But if you dont yet have a definite date for that meeting I do think you should contact a solicitor directly yourself as soon as possible so that it doesnt drag on and on. The CAB do a wonderful job but have so many demands on their time that it could be a month or more before you see someone. I do hope you get it sorted quickly so you can get on with your life. Good luck

get a solicitor.......do it properly .he needs to get a list and how much things cost. or you could change the locks .and clothes in bags outside...

As far as I can see you are living together he has no actual rights, common law partners than means zilch in eyes of the law, the house is in your sole name helped to buy by inheritance, he might have bought kitchen n bathroom but he’s benefitted from these things he’s been living with you and hasn’t moved out and bought these things, of course you need to get legal advice, you sound like a decent lady albeit unhappy and you deserve happiness I hope you get this sorted out ASAP

Best wishes to you Nickymadhouse and good luck. I agree with everything gmarie has posted. Ignore aggressive and negative posters.

notthatoldyet he has only lived in the house 3 years, not 12!

I agree with all gmarie has said

First, the OP mentioned in several posts that she has every intention of paying the gentleman for the upgrades he did to the kitchen and bathroom and that she would be willing to take out a loan to pay him if he would give her the cost estimate.

Secondly, I don't understand those saying that the OP owes her soon-to-be ex-partner additional money because he paid the bills. SHE paid for the house so he lived rent & mortgage-free. Seems like an even trade to me.

Thirdly, she has also mentioned in several posts that she does NOT want to be unkind to him, but she DOES want him to leave. I'd think that is her prerogative, as she owns the home and no longer wants to be in the relationship for whatever reason. He may not be ready to let go (hence the reluctance to provide the upgrade estimate), but that is his issue to deal with. Most of us have been through breakups. They're not fun but not facing reality and dragging feet only makes it worse.

It appears that she's already taken the best advice that I saw on here, which was to read the literature, contact local help groups, and make an appointment with a solicitor for some free, initial legal help.

Sending good thoughts and wishes your way, Nickysmadhouse! Hope all works out for you.

this is controlling emotionally manipulative and also financial abuse on his part PUT HIM OUT and change the locks !

As above advice is very good, to quicken up the process, next time he goes out, change all the locks and make sure all the windows are bolted,,and when he comes back ring the police if he kicks off and he will be at least a breach of the peace, and have his clothes and belongings outside the door and do not let him back in,,as all have said he does not contribute to rent, change all the bills over into your name and give him the final accounts, to make him see he has no choice he has to go away. Try to be very brave and strong, it will be a frightening for you, be as strong as you can, can you have a friend to stay to keep you company for a day or so, maybe he is making excuses as he is frightened to move out, so make it so he has no choice.

For the purposes of transparency, he earns upwards of £40k PA as an electrician, i earn £10k in the education sector, he does not need me to pay his deposit for rented accommodation.
When looking to purchase this house we wanted to both put in half, mine being cash and he having a mortgage, unfortunately it could not happen as no lender would see my half as anything other than a very hefty deposit and i would have to be on a mortgage for the remainder with him, that, i did not want or need, i had no need to be encumbered for the next 25 years when i had cash to buy the house outright , it however transpired that he could not in fact secure a mortgage as he was still named on his (ex) marital home mortgage, although paying nothing towards it since his daughter had turned 18 two years previously and had done little to enforce his removal from said mortgage. And so i feel pretty loathed to explain myself to people that just want to throw me under the bus without knowing the situation.

Yes, i have been naive, but acted in good faith.

Definitely get the best legal advice. Ask around for recommendations. Some are better than others. Have seen two friends rinsed by the ex partners because they didn’t have good lawyers.

Not 12 years.

I agree with everyone regarding legal advice, but it might be worth suggesting that as the relationship has broken down, if he wishes to remain living with you he will now need to pay rent. The money he spent refurbishing needs to be presented to you, at this point you can tell your partner how much the rent will be and how many weeks he can remain based on the amount he spent on the refurb. You would need to base the rent on a similar price house share and you would need to split the utility bills. Good luck.

As you have been together for nine years, your partner/companion probably thought/hoped that you were making a life together. He lives with you and has made the house you share his home. He now has to come to terms that your relationship is over and the place he thought of as home no longer is. I feel you need to talk and maybe put him in touch with someone who can help with rehousing. This is not easy for either of you. But kindness goes a long way in helping a person to see reason. Identify the problem, try and seek a solution together. I do hope this will not drag on for either of you and that a solution can be found.

Change the locks and get a burly friend around to support you when he comes back from work. Don’t try and handle it on your own.

The thing that keeps wrankling with me is your original comments
You purchased the house
He oaid all the bills
You wanted to be the housewife
He even refurbished the bathroom
So he has financially contributed quite considerably
Reverse the roles and everyone would be shouting about the womans rights !
Be fair ...
Could you not be nice and offer to assist him to find alternative accommodation perhaps pay his deposit for rented accommodation ?
The past is over but you could make it easier to move on
I would also suggest seeing a solicitor as 12 years is a long time ...

I am at the beginning of divorce proceedings. I know its different as am married but forget any ideas of amicable or reasonable! I have been as amicable as possible butmy OH is making it very uncomfortable to live in my own home but I am going to sit it out as miserable as it is. I got my free advice and decided to petition. My solicitor is going ahead with petition as they have no opposition from him (no bloody reply at all ) although he has appointed a solicitor. He is sweetness and light when kids are here but mean and spiteful when we are alone. He tells me im entitled to nowt but I'm biding my time and not engaging. I just keep thinking there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will be free and maybe not rich but far happier than I have been for years. Speaking to the solicitor made the decision for me, I'm so glad I went. Good luck

He may have an equitable interest in your property if he has been contributing financially and has undertaken work to improve the house. You will need to get legal advice. The best thing you could do to avoid running up high legal costs is to try and agree an amount for him to go. If he is adamant that he wants the value of the work he has done, get some estimates of what it would cost to do today which will give you a guide and base your offer on that. It may mean you have to take out a loan but if it gets him to leave it will be worth it.

Nudejude, i have read through the link.... extremely useful, thank you so very much? xx

Nudejude i have asked him to buy the house off me, siting what a shame it would be after all the work rtc he had put into it, answer was no! I am of the definite mind that even if i offered the house free to him he’d decline, either to continue the misery or for more control.
Whatever happens now i have to stick to my guns and get things moving. Thank you so much x