Marrying again and unsure who inherits my house

I have sent a PM hopeful.

Even without dementia people can be tricked, especially if they are made to believe that the UP (Unscrupulous Person) loves them, or else is so infatuated with the UP that they will do whatever they ask.

It’s a bit different, but an elderly neighbour of ours - no dementia but simply very naive and trusting - was conned out of over £100k, bit by bit, by oh-so-nice-and-friendly people who first told her that she’d won £1m in a lottery, and then needed payments for ‘tax’ before the money could be released.

In Scotland marriage does ot invalidate a will but you cannot disinherit your spouse or chidren their "legal rights " must be satisfied

If someone has early onset dementia, you can see how they can be tricked but if they are of sound mind I can't understand it. If however your family don't care or visit I can.

Spot on Witzend. We had exactly that in our extended family, not with a carer but a long lost relative that appeared and took over.
She was challenged and agreed to half out of court - £200k nice pay for looking after Aunt Nells passing.

Chattykathy, I know of a case like that. Fairly early dementia, but the man had not yet been officially deemed to lack mental capacity.

A live-in carer, employed by his close and loving family to look after him, very soon completely estranged him from them, took him abroad and married him, and got him to change his will and leave everything to her - and it was a substantial estate.
He died not long afterwards.

They went to court but the woman was so clever and plausible that they lost the case.
The person who told me all this strongly suspected that the so-called ex carer has hastened her father’s end - she was an ex nurse - but since she’d swiftly had him cremated there was no way to pursue this.

People with dementia are incredibly vulnerable to the unscrupulous, particularly if they come in a guise of ‘caring’. Families need to be very vigilant and preferably have a Power of Attorney in place ASAP - often easier said than done, though, I know, since dementia can make people very suspicious of others’ motives, not to mention being unable to understand that they’re no longer capable of managing their own affairs.

You could make will leaving house to be divided equally among your children one year after your death. This would give your new husband a whole year to find alternative accommodation. Make sure your children know what you do so no shocks after death. An alternative would be to allow your husband to stay living in house but pay your children rent.

I can only echo the many cautionary posts wills are a nightmare. Not only can they be challenged, they can be changed secretly by a partner, carer or relative who influences an elderly person.
I am in a similar position with new partner, a new will has been written, assuming my new partner stays in the long term, provision will be made. When my family agree that I cannot make decisions myself they will get power of attorney so that any will cannot be changed secretly.

Everybody knows there will be No Marriage.
I’m lucky everyone gets on well, they all know and like my new partner so I have done all I can, not all families are so fortunate

I know a gentleman still living in his late wife's house some 20 years later. Her children can do nothing until he dies.

My close friend was in this very same situation a few years ago. On marriage, she changed her will to leave everything to her children, with new husband able to live in her house on her death until a) his death or b) his cohabiting/marrying another woman.

Sadly, she did die before him (very unexpectedly) and her wishes have been carried out. Her children know they will eventually be able to sell their house but are happy for him to live there whilst he is alive/single. They have done everything through their solicitors to ensure there are no emotions involved, or any chance of confusion.

I hope this helps - and many congratulations on your forthcoming nuptuals

Here's a tricky one if you can keep track.....

I have a friend whose mother died when she was in college. A few years later my friend's widowed father remarried. He and his new wife (no children), continued to live in the same house that my friend grew up in and that her own mother had worked very hard for years, to help pay for.

When my friend's father died, in the late '80s, he left her a small amount of money, but his 2nd wife got the bulk of the estate which included the house.

Widow later hooked up with a divorced man who moved in with her. He had one child, a son who lived with his mother. I wasn't clear if widow and her new partner were ever married. She later died and in her will she left the house to her partner (husband?). He lived there alone for several years, until he got sick and died too.

Long story short, that man's son now owns my friend's childhood home. He lives there with his wife, two teen aged children and his elderly mother-in-law.

Denil963, I am so glad you did, hard enough splitting up without you losing your home and your children not getting
what their father worked for.

Where would he live if he didn't marry you? There is no way your children shouldn't inherit what your late husband worked for, you and the children. I know of people who lost everything by doing what you are considering, Why marry. No man worth his salt would contemplate what you are suggesting.

Before my second marriage I placed my house in a trust fir my children. Overseen by two trustees in the event of my death. As it happens we are now separated. And he can have no claim on the house due to the house being placed in the trust.

My mom left her house to me and my sister's with a provision that her husband could live there unless he remarried. Mom died 12 years ago. The land registry was changed to our names and he is still living in the house. He has to maintain it and pay the bills. Hope that helps.

One of the most horrifying tales I heard was one on Radio 4. An older lady who was suffering with early stages of dementia was 'befriended' by a man who quickly moved in with her. The lady subsequently died and the daughter found out her DM had married the man! Her will was null and void and he inherited the lot. The worse thing was that he had a funeral without telling the family and to this day they don't know if she was buried or cremated, he refuses to tell them.
Sorry to hijack the thread, best wishes for the upcoming marriage.

Make a will. We know two sisters who were in their early twenties both married when mum died suddenly. Dad wasted no time (and I mean weeks) in replacing her with a younger woman from work. She moved in soon after before they had chance to sort mums belongings. Soon after dad rang to say they'd got married quietly at RO no one else invited. They went round but dad wasn't in and new wife wouldn't let them in. Long story short they got nothing as dad died of heart attack weeks later. She got family home, money in bank etc. They asked for items of mums but got a letter from her solicitor to tell them to stay away. They got their own solicitor who got nowhere. They too as someone else mentioned didnt get childhood photos back nor old school records etc etc. One sister now emigrated as she said she couldn't stand living in the same country as her!

Just to add - my mother re-married because the second DH insisted on it. I don't think he would have walked off if she had said no but she wasn't prepared to take that risk.

If the legal advice is that you cannot avoid a risk to your children's inheritance if you die before the second husband then maybe you should not re-marry.

My mother left the second husband a flat abroad and the sale proceeds have helped him to pay the running costs of the flat. There is an Act which allows people to challenge a will if they were financially dependent on the deceased spouse and are left nothing.

The other thing you need to consider is, if your deceased husband had an occupational pension, you may lose that income by marrying again. I knew a lady who did not marry her partner for that very reason. They discussed it, decided to live together, but she still made a new will so that her children got everything. It is a minefield. I would see a solicitor, especially if you really aren't sure.

Putting your house in your childrens’ name Is also precarious. I know a lady who did this, only to have her daughter evict her from the home she had lived in for many years. When there is money at stake you can’t always know who you can trust. Even your own family, it seems.

My partner ,of 26 years, and I have chosen not to marry. We both have children from previous marriages and our finances are separate. However, we own our house as tenants in common so if either of us dies the other is allowed to remain in the house unless they remarry or cohabit. In this case they must sell the house and give half to the other children. We felt this was fair to everybody and have made wills stating this.
You really need to make a will to protect your children plus your new husband

100% agree get specialised legal advice. Things very often turn extremely nasty when someone dies and you need to know your wishes are carried out for your own children not anyone elses.

I am with others who say think seriously about re marrying ….this could well become a problem after, if you die first. He also needs to make it known legally that he nor his children will have no interest in your assets if you pre decease him. n my case, my step daughter, who refused to come and visit her dad when he was dying, promptly demanded to see the Will as 'I want half' she was not entitled half and said she was going to contest it …..I simply said go ahead, under French law (where we lived then) only half of his half is yours...less legal expenses. As the Notaire said, to contest the inheritance under French law will cost her more than her inheritance and could take two years ...I simply told her to go ahead ...then I sold the house (as I was entitled to do under the law of 'Succession'...….I have no idea what she is doing now …..SO please consult a solicitor asap ...make sure you are prepared in advance with proof of your ownership of the house, other assets you may have, and a clear idea of what you want. It may be that you want to leave him some of the proceeds of sale of the house, or certain assets you have in the house, car, etc MAKE SURE you give detailed info about any beneficiary ...I,e, names, last known addresses, dates of birth and relationship to you. My late husband's mother simply said that she wanted 'anything I leave to go to my children' (she had 5) SO when she died, my husband;s brother decided not to mention him and so he was left out. He wanted nothing from his mum (she never had anything anyway) but one thing ...a photo of him being presented to the Queen when he was in the Navy …...all because she said 'my children; without specific details. I worked in Probate a long time ago and, as is said, Where there's a Will there's a relative !!!

Congratulations on your approaching marriage. As you can see from these answers it depends on where you live whether your present will is valid or not when you remarry.

You certainly need a solicitor ASAP.

It is very sensible of you to sort this out now.

Crazygran mentions ^If one partner lives a lot longer than the other the property could deteriorate and not be worth much for the family to inherit^

You can have conditions written into your Will regarding maintenance and general upkeep of the property. That is what I did in my 'in anticipation of marriage' Will - via a solicitor.