Caring for live-in daughter; PIP; how much should she pay us?

@crazyH Sorry to hear of your difficulties. I hope things are easier for you now. Do you mind me asking how much he paid? Was it a percentage of his income, or was it more that he was helping as much as he could, given the circumstances?

@vampirequeen Thank you for suggestions. Good point about the furniture. I didn't think we were entitled to help with Council Tax - thank you, will look into it. Had a lot of help from OT, but saving the money for the big house changes until after we've moved. This house is unsuitable for her, and we'll be living separately from my husband too, when we can, but OT has explained about funding for house changes. She has provided rails, stools etc.

My adult son always 'paid' me for keep, when he was living with me....looking back on it, probably a bit too much. I was in panic mode. My husband had just left and I had no money until I was awarded alimony and a settlement.

@CherryCezzy. Thank you. We have an OT, and are planning to get back to her after lockdown. She brought the Social Worker, so I'll chat with her about the Direct Payments. @oldgimmer1. Thankyou. I'm her appointee for the benefits. Each change has to be handled carefully for her mental health - we did discuss PoA, but that's on the back burner for now. Thanks for the CAB suggestion - I'll look.
@Hetty58 thank you. Yes, we're planning to discuss this, but I agreed to do some research first.

I don't see why she shouldn't pay or help to pay for a new bed and sofa. After all you wouldn't be buying them if she didn't need them. I'm guessing she gets full care and full mobility which is just short of £600 per month plus she'll be getting ESA or UC so it's fair that she pays towards all/some of the extra expenses. Don't forget to check if you're entitled to discount on council tax. It depends what her disability is. Ask the council to send in an occupational therapist if she needs walking/balance aids or a wet room. She may have to pay towards the cost of any alterations but it will be cheaper than getting them done independently.

I'm sure she doesn't expect or want you to pay for her keep. It's hard to discuss money in this situation but it has to be done. Why don't you go on a utility usage site such as www.rapidtables.com/calc/electric/energy-consumption-calculator.html which will help you to work out how much the extra heating is costing. The water companies usually have one too. Food costs are easier to work out. Once you've done the calculations you can ask her for a fair amount.

Sorry- that was for direct payment. Not sure I'm making sense.

Would it be easier to get Power of Attorney or appointeeship?

Try the CAB website "Managing Affairs for Someone Else"?

(Sorry can't post link).

It always used to be the case, when I was younger, that we handed over a third of our wages to our mothers for 'keep'.

I don't see why you'd be expected to contribute towards food, heat, laundry etc. bills for an adult with income. She should pay her own expenses as far as practically possible. After all, her accommodation is provided by you, free of charge.

OK, she's not allowed to pay you for her care, but some help from a carer would lighten your load. That, and maybe some regular savings towards furniture etc. in future, would be a sensible budget. Time to sit with her and do the sums!

I have just seen your second post OP. An OT assessment is what your daughter requires to assess her eligibility for direct payments. You can ask your LA to provide your daughter with an OT assessment but there is often a considerable weight and under current circumstances I have no idea ( but it seems unlikely) whether these are taking place. It is still a good idea to request one now though as she will be placed on a waiting list.

I echo the posts above, it is possible you may be entitled to Carer's Allowance although it is a means tested benefit. If your daughter does qualify ( in receipt of PIP enhanced rate mobility award) for a Motability vehicle then usually the whole PIP award will most likely have to be 'handed over' to pay for the it. In a lot of cases when someone has to be provided care if eg. They live alone they have to purchase it. Some LAs have a 'direct payment' system and if eligible the recipient usually gets some costs of care met (often around 30%) and have to pay the rest themselves. Since that is often the norm with a direct payment system then perhaps her paying you 70% of her total PIP payment may make you all feel that this is fair.

Thank you @trisher and @oldgimmer1. I'm retirement age so not entitled to Carer's Allowance. She will be entitled to Direct Payments, but we had a social worker who made things worse, and caused a panic attack. I'm not sure if we can apply for Direct Payments via another route than a social worker, but she said she would return to help with that, and didn't. So advice on applying for Direct Payments without a social worker would be great, if anyone knows. Daughter's not allowed to pay me for her care, but there are other things we could use the money for, like a personal assistant for her. (Went through all this with my mother, so I'm clued up on some of this)

Yes, you may qualify for Carer's Allowance. You can download and print a form from the Gov website. Check eligibility criteria first, though.

Personally, I think you are entitled to ask for the PIP award to be handed over in its entirety. That's what it's for - to cover the additional costs of care. (She may also qualify for a Motability vehicle in lieu of the disability part of the award).

ReggieA not sure how old you are but if you are young enough you could apply for a Carers allowance if you are helping her. You can get advice from Citizens Advice or if you are older Age UK