Coercive Control and Subjudice Proceedings

I think it's OK to let the GP know. He won't be able to do anything about it but at least he'll be aware.

If you let the GP know, he could maybe say to the controlling husband on the next visit that he wished to speak to his wife alone. The husband will not be able to absolutely refuse to allow this in the Doctor's surgery. This might just set the ball rolling to help the victim.

This is only an amateur's opinion but I hope it helps you.

I personally would have thought that the GP would be the first port of call. Whatever is discussed is confidential and remains so and is held as reference for any future contact should it be necessary in legal terms.

I agree with the 2 post so far. Let the GP know. This is just how I would approach this situation.

I would suggest a phone call followed by a letter.

I think you make the letter very business with a bullet points.

The husband is showing strong signs of controlling and isolating the wife. Known actions of "Abusers" and he has admitted he is an abuser.

Get on Google/ Women's Aid website and read the Law around Domestic Abuse. Quote some and reference it in the letter.

List what you know as evidence - he's sold car, put the house on the market, monitoring/controlling all her communications.

Make a big point of their counselling sessions being joint so the wife has no opportunities to express any "Fears or Free Will".

Say in the letter and the police have been informed and you will also be sending a copy of the letter to the police for any future reference should the wife have a chance to make a complaint and use her free will.

Remind/reinforce to the GP there is "A Duty Of Care" to the wife.

There is a "Duty of Care" as the GP. AND there is a "Duty of Care" as a counsellor to ensure the patient/client is able to act with "Free Will" without "Fear".

Point out the GP/Counsellor has the 'Duty of Care" to establish that there is NO Domestic Abuse and that she really is OK with her car being sold, her being isolated and controlled.

I (me) would then ask 'How can the "Duty of Care" be carried out with the husband in the session?

It seems as if this lady doesn't have that freedom or the freedom to ask for help.

With the husband in all the sessions the wife has no opportunity to find her voice or use her choice.

I don't know if such actions on your part would cause any Legal complications but I can't see how, but I don't know. If the wife can find her voice it may even strengthen the case for CPS. But on that I do not know.

Good Luck and I really do hope there is a good outcome for you and all the other vulnerable people involved.

PS the reason I've used " " and Capitals is because in my experience those are the words and phrases that get peoples attention and are at the heart of the matter.

Ah just re-read your post. The bit about "Suicide".

That needs to go into the letter should you decide to write to the GP.

1) is the wife in danger ?

2) or is that more controlling/emotional blackmail?

Either way that's important.

Also if the case goes to court not only will family and friends know anyone can look it up and the local press may well get hold of it.

So keeping this "secret" is what abusers want, it's how they operate and it may be worse for the wife if this comes out and it was kept from people.

Lets face it You Know. And there may be other "Victims" who are still alive.

Thank you all for your comments. Unfortunately, this is not my mother and the woman's daughter has asked us not to interfere. Both my sister and I feel that she just has so much on her plate having lost her Mum and Dad through his actions whilst also having to deal with the fallout from her daughter's abuse. However, as strongly as we feel that this is a matter which needs further action, we don't feel that we should persist against her will. I will revisit with her once lockdown is moving towards being over and hope I can change her mind. Meanwhile, I just hope the charges will be brought swiftly and then I will be telling the rest of his family what is going on.

I understand that you have been asked not to take this matter forward but so sad and what a burden for you to know this information and not be able to take action.

You are doing the right thing by respecting the wish of the daughter who, as you say, has to deal with all the circumstances around this abuse.

If at some future point your help is required may be the replies to your post will be useful.

Take care and try not to worry too much about the people involved apart from your friend.

A GP has an absolute duty to protect people in their care however they may not have the appropriate skills or understanding or time to see the truth.

www.gmc-uk.org/ethical-guidance/ethical-hub/adult-safeguarding

Even as adults coercive control and the need to keep quiet to not rock the boat is deeply embedded. This may be where the family members are stuck.

Only you can decide what you need or not need to do OP. Here's some links with more info. Not sure which local authority you might come under but here's one anyway.

www.safeguardingadultsyork.org.uk/what-is-safeguarding/how-to-raise-a-safeguarding-concern/

www.england.nhs.uk/safeguarding/how-to-raise-a-safeguarding-concern/

I think I would be very tempted to write anonymously to the GP, telling him/her what you put in your original post, adding that you want to be anonymous as the daughter has asked you not to interfere, but you feel you can't keep silent. The GP would then be more alert to signs of coercion. I say "more alert" because while counselling the GP should already be alert to such a possibility - but your information could be useful to them.

I understand the temptation Elegran but would a GP take notice of an anonymous letter?

Once the GP had read it, it would be in their mind when the couple came for counselling, whether it was signed or anonymous.

Yes, I guess that's true.

Perhaps I am being silly but it would just make me feel uncomfortable to send an anonymous letter. I suppose different circumstances can dictate different actions.

Thank you, rizlett, I will look at your links.

I would need the daughter's cooperation because I do not know the name of the GP. I do know that the late son was badly failed by this GP so I don't hold out a lot of hope. I think it is a very difficult situation where the daughter is so badly hurt by her feelings of abandonment and she has accepted the way her father is (without the child abuse) without question all her life so doesn't necessarily see that her mother is completely overwhelmed by her husband. As an outsider I was always shocked by his put downs, his assertions that his wife was like a child who couldn't possibly cope on her own, his complete control of all the family, his narcissism, etc.

Whilst I might send an anonymous letter to all his new and old neighbours I think it would be highly ineffective to send it to a GP who I want to act but I can see why you would suggest it, Elegran.