Wanting to make a secret payment to family?

I think you can make a £3000 gift to a person in any year if it is a member of your family. Check this out.

You should always discuss this with hubby, would you like it if he did something secretly,
I know I would be very upset if my hubby gave money away like that without discussing it with me.

My answer is from the other perspective. My aunt has always been generous to me and my mom over the years. She has done very well financially and did not hesitate to be generous with my mom and then myself when each of us was having a hard time financially (after a divorce, ex was not good about child support, when mom went into a nursing home, etc). It has been so appreciated on the receiving end and if anything, has strengthened the relationship and changed they dynamic for the better not for the worse. It was so comforting to know she was aware and cared enough to help where she could. So I say go ahead and help out and just let your husband know. Her husband was her second husband and the checks always came from her own account although they jointly owned a business so their income was jointly earned.

Just helped one daughter with her mortgage as husband on reduced hours so not furloughed .Shes on maternity leave so now near the end so not much money Other daughter knows both working full ty at home but both had pay cuts .Bought their children lots of reading books Trying to help but not earning at present

Thank you everybody for comments, such an interesting range of views and food for thought. I will mull it over further from a now more informed standpoint.

My husband had a dear aunt who would occasionally send money to us. She always said she came into it unexpectedly and was forwarding it on because it gave her joy. The sums were large to us at the time of raising children on a budget, but not enough to think about investing!

I will always think fondly of her; she was a very lovely woman.

It is unclear to me from your post if your husband thinks it will change the dynamics between you and him, or you and your niece and nephew. Just let him know you plan on giving a one time gift with no expectations, just to help out in dire times, and it will bring joy to you.

Your money so do what you want with it. Just tell your OH possibly after you’ve given it. Changing the dynamics sounds like a cop out for being a tight a**e. It will be a great relief to your family members and perhaps help them with the worry and anxiety they might be experiencing.

It’s your money isn’t it? Does as you want with it.

I’m with you Jane 10.... every penny Ive earned in my 48 year marriage was paid into our ‘joint’ account that I wasn’t allowed to touch as it was for ‘bills’...I worked all that time apart from taking three years off to look after babies. I was 62 before I had the courage to open my solo account... from which I give small gifts to kids and grandkids. My husband is the meanest man....I have never had a bunch of flowers...Xmas present ...birthday card or present in all that time. So I don’t listen to those oh so secure marriages where all is above the board. I look after number one now ...and I feel great about it.!

Factfinder
What a lovely auntie ! I think it s your own money your decision. Of course finances have to be discussed together as a communicating couple for joint bills,that’s what a joint account is for , or if there is a problem impacting on both of you.
However this is something you want to give from your separate means, so tell your DH this as a passing comment that you ve decided to give them some money as information not for his permission.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I read it as secrecy because there wasn't any balance between siblings. Ie 'Keep it quiet because I'm not doing the same for your brother. This is an emergency gift.' But also don't tell your parents, that would be embarrassing all round

Is it her husband she wants to keep it secret from, or the niece and nephew? I thought she meant give them an anonymous donation.

I’d gift it, but I’d tell my husband. The guilt of lying would eat me alive.

I’d rather have it out with him than lie for years

I do not understand why you need permission,firstly from your husband and then from here.

If you want to give it then do so,if not sure then do not.

There has been people on gransnet that have given monetary gifts then get annoyed if it is spent on things they do not approve of or expect eternal gratitude just make sure you are not one of those.

Sorry but I would just do it and not mention it. It's not about secrecy, it's about being an Adult and not have to tell your partner everything. We have a joint account for most things, but we also have our own smaller accounts. I dont expect him to tell me what he does with his money, and he doesn't expect me to tell him what I do with mine. A friend of mine does this for a beloved nephew and his wife occasionally. She's in her second marriage so never mentions it to her husband. As she puts it "it's my money, so it's none of his business!"

My husband is also resistant to helping family out. We each have a pension but only have a joint account and because I am dyspraxic, and he thinks its a mans job!, I do not do the online banking, as in a way I am quite relieved that any problem with transfers is not due to me making a hash of the numbers. However it is very difficult to get him to transfer cash even for birthdays and Christmas.
I have two methods, one is to gently drop information about how helpful it will be and in another way, is to make sure that I have £100 in the house so that when a son visits I can be helpful paying for petrol! The other is abroad so when I visit I take the cash I have withdrawn. Not a good thing but he has always been awkward so I think it is too late to change him.

Getting the money to your family is the right thing so all the best to you.

rowanflower0 my daughter told me years that a friend of hers from school, single mum, was in dire straits.
I'd been saving my Morrisons rewards vouchers for Christmas.
I put them in a card and posted them through her door.
She was so grateful and assured me she'd pay me back but like you I said no, pay it forward when you can to help someone else in the future.
The naughty girl bought me a bottle of wine out of the money!

It's a pleasure to give when we can, especially if we've needed help ourselves over the years.
Sometimes it's hard for the recipient to accept graciously and realise there's no ulterior motive.

I’m wondering why your husband is so against you giving them this money and why he thinks it might change the dynamics!. Best to be upfront with him I think before you go ahead. Personally if I wanted to do something like this I wouldn’t want my husbands permission to do so but I would think very carefully before doing it. You must be a very special Auntie. Do you have any other nephews and nieces who could possibly find out if you were to go ahead and do this because I have loads.

If it was me, I’d just say I’m doing it and do it.
It’s your money, your relatives your decision. I’m sure it will be well received. It’s a lovely idea.

Agree with Lucca

I had an aunt who gave me £100 when I was going through a particularly difficult time, which helped my finances and my sanity. Many years later a close friend went through a particularly bad time and asked to borrow some money for food, until payday. She said she would pay me back then. I gave her £100 and told her that she wasn't to pay it back, if she did she'd be in the same position, but at some time in the future, when someone else was in need to 'pay it forward'. Could you not explain that you are 'paying it forward, from your family friend?

Just a more light hearted approach. How many of us spend our money on hairdressers beauty treatments like fillers Botox etc with out feeling the need to reveal all the details to our partners?
I would regard a gift in the same category, no need to 'fess all.

Many times we have been given gifts of money from my DH family when our children were small. Most welcome when needed. It never changed the dynamic. We now do the same. Its family after all. But I would never do it secretly that's what changes the dynamic.
Tell your husband is my advice

OP there are a lot of red herrings on here (eg tax issues). You know your niece and nephew - you call them ‘beloved’. I’m sure you can judge the issue of ‘family dynamics’ . I think your real question is what you tell your husband isn’t it ? I agree with those who say just tell him what you are going to do - you’ve thought it over and it’s the right thing in your opinion. All our money is regarded as joint ( regardless of whose name it is in) but if my DH suggested giving a cash gift to a family member to help out, I’d just trust his judgement - probably check he didn’t want to give more.

Mooney59, we don't really do prenups in the UK and it's quite acceptable to have your own separate bank account as well - in fact it often isn't a bad idea as when one half of the joint account dies, the account can be frozen and nothing beyond essential bills paid until probate has gone through as happened with a relative of mine last year!
I'd tell your husband that you will be helping your niece out from your own account if you feel you must really do it. Maybe if it is couched in terms of being a loan with fairly low repayments? Not sure about the "changes the dynamic" thing and not sure if he means between you and your niece, or you and OH.