Change of mind about will.......

I realise that the main query here is regarding wills but honestly, from what you have said your friend really needs support and massive encouragement to leave this bully of a husband.

Does she listen to you and respect your opinion?
If so could you gently urge her to investigate ways to escape this awful situation she is in?

She can’t be happy can she ?

Could you point out how much happier she would be once she’s made her escape?

Flygirl - exactly. The hard part is actually doing something about it when you're in that position. But it IS possible...

Granee, it isn't strange at all that people walk on eggshells in this situation. It is because the perpetrator is so unapproachable, cunning and nasty that even the strongest partner will eventually be worn down, as the situations they face can never be rectified by normal, reasonable discussions, and they are made to feel so wretched, exhausted, and physically ill, that they will do anything possible to keep the calm and not upset the proverbial apple cart. To not do so, often leads to weeks or months of being totally ignored (stonewalling), or gaslighting (projecting their inadequacies on their poor partner, turning it completely round to make out that they are, in fact, the guilty party), or physical violence. This of course leads to the victimised person having to be very secretive about doing things they know their partner will disapprove of. To be in this constant situation of anxiety makes you quite ill, and indeed you have to walk on eggshells or know what the emotional and physical consequences will be.

She doesn't need the agreement of her partner to change her will. She can make a new will or add a codicil to her existing one. She should do what is right for her, he doesn't have to agree. When she has gone he can't control her wishes any more and will have to abide by her wishes in her will. He may go first and then the problem disappears.

This looks the solution if the property is held as Joint Tenants

“Sometimes two people will initially hold a property as joint tenants and later decide that they want to be tenants in common, for example a couple might separate but decide they don’t want to sell the property immediately. This is known as severing the joint tenancy and is done by one party serving a notice of severance on the other. For properties registered at Land Registry there is a form, form SEV, which can be used. It is not necessary for both parties to agree to the severance; as long as one serves notice of severance on the other the joint tenancy is severed.“

Thank to Cabbie for highlighting the rules, the woman can sever any joint tenancy and her husband does not have to consent.

if yr friend has a good relationship with her daughter, let her cultivate that. she may need supporters, you and her daughter, to give her confidence so that she can stand up to or leave her husband.

www.land-registry-documents.co.uk/information/joint-ownership-tennants/
Hope this helps.

One of the key things to find out is if the house is owned by the couple as joint tenants or tenants in common. This is A legal status and is more important than who is paying what.

Some comments have touched on this but some clarification is needed.
If joint tenants, on the first death it will automatically pass to the surviving spouse. This cannot be contested. The survivor can then leave it in their will to whoever they choose. Or if they die intestate, it will follow the laws of intestacy,the most likely scenario being that the survivor’s children will inherit, if the survivor has not remarried.
If the house is owned as tenants in common, the couple can state in what proportions it is owned, commonly but not necessarily 50:50. It is normal for a will to make provision for the survivor to have the right to remain in the property, pay for its maintenance and insure it, until death or remarriage. On the second death, the shares are inherited according to each spouse’s will.
It is perfectly possible to change the way a house is owned and once it is owned as tenants in common there will be a marker in the Land Registry to prevent the property being sold without the consent of all relevant parties.

For example, As we own our house as tenants in common, if I die first, my husband still owns his half and can stay in the property, but when he dies, it will be sold and the proceeds inherited according to our wills. As we each have two children, we have decided that each will inherit one quarter.

I believe it is possible to sever a joint tenancy without the consent of the spouse.

This issue alone needs clarification and the right paperwork. It is a legal matter.
Then there is the issue of the mirror wills and writing a new will. Again, a solicitor should be used, one who is a specialist in wills.
Or more likely the friend should be taking steps to get out of this marriage.
Legal expertise is needed, whatever she decides.

Harrigran A similar thing happened to someone I used to know. His father, having been married for 50+ years, after being widowed married again a woman who apparently had been a sweetheart before his first marriage. Father didn't make a will saying that she will do the right thing. Did she? The answer is a resounding no. The widow gave nothing to Father's family. She would not even let them have objects of historical family importance. Nothing. Her children received everything on her eventual death.

Haweral - my friend and I have both wondered about it being a health issue that causes the difficult behaviour... but a Doc's visit is out of the question.

March and October are free will months.
She should go and see a solicitor and discuss the problem and the desired outcome that she would want.
It will then cost nothing to be informed, and then make a new will at the time.
You could perhaps go with her as a support, and ensure she gets the result she wants.
Other charities (as previously mentioned) offer a free will making service, in the hope that you will leave a donation to them in your will. I took advantage of the CRUK one recently, and it was completely straightforward, and all done by the solicitor. They may still be doing this offer, so you would not have to wait another day to make an appointment.
I urge your friend to get this sorted NOW. It will forever bother her way into the future if not, and that husband sounds well iffy to me.....

3nanny6 it depends how the will has been drawn up, but usually it does go to the surviving spouse. Other beneficiaries will either get their gift or it will remain in trust so long as the will was written correctly.
But you are right that the surviving spouse can make a new will afterwards, which is where the original will wording is important. I learnt this from bitter experience.

Please use a solicitor if making a new will,my parents did theirs from a kit,it turned out to be a nightmare when they died.

If they put 50% in each then his kids are entitled to his 50% only. It makes me very angry when I hear of women being bullied into submission. Tell her to discreetly go see her solicitor with out him knowing and say she was pressured into signing it and get advice. It happens very frequently. My cousin has also bullied his second wife into signing over assets they have accumulated during their marriage to his three children. We are talking about six million. He keeps putting assets into.the trust. I love him.dearly but he is a bully and he knows she's not strong enough to withstand the pressure. If they are both in their seventies he could even have an early onset of brain decline such as Alzheimer's or dementia which could explain his behaviour or was he always a bully.

As Biba quite rightly points out, some women do not have an independent bank account to pay for legal advice, Having said that, many solicitors will give their first appointment for advice free of charge, or at least for the first hour. They would also advise on the cost of their work should this lady take up their services to complete a new will, start divorce proceedings or whatever else they may suggest. There is also advice out there for free, through the Citizens Advice and Age UK, and further information online which covers legal aid for women at rightsofwomen.org.uk and Legal Aid on GOV.UK website.

I have commented on this thread earlier, just hope someone can clarify one small thing for me. When a couple are married and make their wills I thought that when either one dies that whichever one it is the home assets and money automatically goes to the surviving spouse, as they are the first to receive all assets. It is afterwards that the surviving spouse can make a new will. The house/property usually has both names on the house deeds making them joint owners. I thought it worked that way.

It can be very difficult for some women to get legal advice, as they have no access to an independent bank account and own card/cheque book not linked to husband's account.

If I were her I’d just get another will made, and not tell him. And I’d certainly give a copy to my own children, and maybe someone else I trusted, as insurance, in case of disputes later.

It’s definitely a solicitors job to sort this out, she cannot just change her will independently as circumstances can change so much in the coming years any outcome is impossible to predict. His proposal to divide the estate between the children does not work because the surviving spouse is not provided for, that will be challenged.
Mirror wills are good as long as promises are respected but no guarantees, in this case I suspect the mirror wills still stand with the proposal that the children get a third each on the second death.

As the relationship seems to have deteriorated, divorce might be a solution, then she can take her share now and do exactly what she wishes

Tell her to see another solicitor & get a will written as to how SHE wants it. Any personal assets she has ie savings etc should go to HER child not his. If the house is in joint names then het half can also be given to het child
She needs expert advice & offer to go with her if necessary

I can't possibly thank each poster personally but each and every one has been helpful. Some have pointed out clearly that there is more than one issue here - and it's true that both are equally important. I am going to send her a link to this discussion and hopefully it will help her see things clearer. But I can certainly see that apart from being supportive - this is beyond my capabilities. Massive thanks to all gransnetters who responded to a cry for help.

I have some experience of this. Like others on here, I advise your friend to seek legal advice from another legal practice and a change in her will. They will discuss all options with her. My own personal experience was one that caused me great stress but worked out in the end. A long story but basically my dad died and mum inherited the house. She remarried a lovely man who had 3 not so nice adult children. Mum explained before the wedding that should she die first (not expected as he was 8 years older) he could remain in the house until he died and the house in trust to me. She put provision that I paid for house repairs. Mum started with dementia and one of his children took over organising my mum's bank. She transferred all mum's cash over to his bank and constantly got on to her father about the deeds to the house, complaining they should not be with my mother's solicitor. By the way, mum continued to pay all the bills on the house, due to an inheritance from her father. and my step father didn't have any funds apart from his pension. Mum paid for all holidays and they had a good life. When mum passed away, my step family kept going to various solicitors to see if they could contest the will and believed that my dad's house should of gone to their 90 year old father instead. My mother's solicitor was marvellous and supported me through a very difficult time. He had a duty to tell me whenever he was contacted by yet another firm of solicitors asking for details of my mother's will. Thankfully, she had made it watertight by leaving the property in trust. Step families can change once there is a death, and I do hope your friend gets this sorted. A new will, will cancel the old will and needs to be done to protect her daughter from losing what is rightfully hers to another man's family. I would also consider leaving this controlling and abusive man.

Sorry ...just seen that you said jointly owned and to each other first.

It really does sound like she needs to get out of this marriage! She needs legal advice on all of it!

Also if he refuses to change his will and "goes first" then it will be divided as per HIS wishes anyway...

Will it? Is his wife not a beneficiary in his will? If not she could find her home having to be sold?,,?

"Strange how walking on eggshells can feel so normal to women in these situations."
This is a big sign of a bully, and that your friend is in an abusive relationship.
I think she needs you very much, not just for this situation but for the future.
As far as the unfairness of the wills goes, she must see her Solicitor and write her own will independently of and without discussing it with her 2nd husband. Her Solicitor will advise her, but it sounds as though she is entitled to half of the property. However, if he outlives her, he will probably claim his right to live there. The Solicitor will advise.

I am more concerned about
1] 'she has been* talked into* the division of assets as two thirds to his two children and the remaining third to her one child,' despite her 50% contribution.
2] 'DH is now refusing to discuss, and adamant this will not be changed.'
3] 'strong element of coercive behaviour there from her DH'
4] 'some physical abuse'
Coercion, refusal to discuss, physical abuse and the alteration in her behaviour so that she is "treading on eggshells" are all such serious signs of an abusive man that I really think she needs to get rid of him. Sooner rather than later.
I am very glad she has you. Give her all the support you can. Well done.