Son looking for money.

PS forgot to say in my email - a friend bought a small terraced house as a buy to let; it seemed like a bargain and it was in good decorative order, so he was surprised when he realised the work that needed doing to meet the safety standards required by law to rent out (gas safety certificate & service, new electric fuse board & safety certificate; smoke alarms, etc - total cost over £3,000), . Plus there's the ongoing costs like insurance, council tax when it's empty (they still want their money unless it's totally uninhabitable), utility bills (even when empty there are standing charges), money to a rental agency (safer but more expensive) and he'll have to pay tax on the rent, just as on any other income (minus allowed expenses). And if a tenant stops paying rent, what will he live on? And if a tenant trashes it, he'll have to pay someone to clean out the gunge and redecorate (unless he's prepared to do it all himself - losing rent whilst he does so?) Make him show you the figures - at the very least it will tell you how much research he's done and how much he's really thought about this. It really isn't "a licence to print money" - it used to be (buy to let mortgages were actually an allowable expense) but not anymore.

Why did you give money to one and not the other. I have always treated my AC the same. Last year eg I gave one son a brand new item I knew he would find useful. Gave otgers son the same in monetary value. Even GC who don't live near me I often send a wee gift and always send something to both, would never give to one and not the other. If you have previously helped the DS who is looking for cash just tell him he has had his share and you won't help him without giving is brother the same and you may not be able to afford that or even want to.

I have a similar situation. Youngest son borrowed and is regularly paying back money for first property. Eldest son is hoping to buy larger home and has made clear, as have his children that we should give him a large slice of a recent inheritance to help out. We have very little income as pensioners and were hoping to keep this money back for a rainy day, so to speak. Both sons will inherit when we die but eldest says he needs money now rather than wait. His attitude is very hurtful. He has a nice house already but wants more.

No! No! No! Don't do it unless you are 100% sure that you can afford to.
I "loaned"my son some money to pay off a car loan for a van that my son had bought for his business, so he could sell the van after he had closed down his small business, He knew that I had had a small legacy after my father died.
I had a credit card bill that needed to be paid off but I thought I could afford to help him out.
Unfortunately things changed for me due to illness and I realised that I then struggled to pay the bills and still do. With that money I gave to my son, I could at least have paid several for the next year! I also ended up in debt that I am still paying off several years later!
You may well have been able to have helped out your other son at the time but things change and I would be very wary of being involved in an investment that could leave you short for your every day living expenses. Get some independent financial advice and either make sure that you are named as part of the investment so that you get a share of the rent or make sure it is on a loan basis. Make sure every single thing is in writing, even involve a solicitor. Don't fall for the emotional blackmail - your money is your money while you are living , he can do as he likes when you have gone

I have a friend who has always helped her children with money - she pays off their credit cards, helps with mortgage payments, pays for holidays etc. This was fine when she was working and earning a good salary, now she is retired and has sold her house and moved into a small flat - her children, now in their 50s continue to expect her to give them money - one son has even given up work because "it makes me too tired". He lives, rent free, in a property she bought as an investment for her retirement.

I have told her that she has to consider what money she has now has to last her for the rest of her life - she is becoming very frail following a fall and may have to consider moving into a nursing home (her children have all said she cannot move in with them).

We don't know whether the OP's son is working and if he is planning to invest any money of his own in the project. In my experience when "lending" money to close family members it takes a long time to be paid back, if ever. I think she should think long and hard about this.

Why on earth are you accusing kirkcubbin of having a favourite son and asking her if she loves one of her sons more than the other antheacarol?. Rather an unpleasant post IMO.

You've been given some good advice kirkcubbbin and I think the suggestions that you give this son the same as you gave his brother are the ones I would follow in your position, providing doing so wont impact on your own financial security.

I have helped one child who was in need and explained this to the other children and that it will all be evened up in my will. All are happy with this. But different families will have different responses - a friend wants to help on of her children but knows that the others would want exactly the same at the same time. So much depends on how the family sees things. So I'd just say to the OP that she does not HAVE to give money - its her money and her choice - and investment properties are not always a great source of income anyway. If it were for a desperately needed home for her son, I think I'd see it differently.

This is really not a good idea and shouldn't be confused with a mothers love for her child. You contributed towards your other son's marriage do that is a completely different thing.

I would give him exactly the same amount money as you did his brother, then they are both treated equally. If he doesn’t have enough for his investment then he will just have to look elsewhere for it ,unfortunately. You see these situations time and time again on Judge Rinder , and all it causes is grief in the end .

I would urge caution here kircubbin2000. Of course we want to do the best for our children but you say your son does not have savings? Is he therefore expecting you to finance his dream? Its not just the deposit, solicitors fees and 3% stamp duty to consider. When you rent out a property there are costs - tenancy agreement (£500) insurance, gas safety certificate etc. What if you get a bad tenant and they stop paying are you expected to pay the mortgage - if your son doesn't have savings how is he going to pay? Its not all roses. I know because my daughter bought a Buy to Let property and she has been OK but her friend in a similar position has not been so lucky. You say you have other children - are they going to want the same handout?

Why wouldn’t you want to help your other son?
Especially when you said he’s help you with your money .
Do you love your other son more?
Seems very odd to me .
Have you left them equal amounts in your will?
Or have you left your favourite son more ?
I would be very hurt if I was your son .
Your money your choice
Also it could help you when you get to pension age to get other benefits if you don’t have savings .

My advice is yes go ahead but: Make very very very sure that you put it in writing. I have bought mu family cars and borrowed them thousands of pounds and they promised to pay back monthly, never seen a penny.
I know now that I should have had it in writing with their signature with their promise. I will never make that mistake again.

As others have said here, and some do seem quite knowledgeable on the subject, i would take financial and legal advice first, as its a large sum, also you need it for retirement, and if you do end up needing it for care of any sort, its quite a minefield how they charge/ make you pay for it, also if he's hoping to 'pass it off ' as a gift to tax man I'm sure its not that simple and he would be 'sussed out' somehow on that? He cant AFFORD to buy or invest in any property by his own means, so why should you just dish it out to him? Also if hes no other cash, whats he going to use if this property needs repairs?either now or in the future? Is he going to expect that from you too? Also im sure he still has to pay some kind of taxes as a house owner himself anyway wont he,if its not to be lived in by himself,but as an 'investment'- this sounds like a 'pie in the sky' idea to me!- id also ask- how big WAS other sons wedding exactly? If you gave him a chunk for that, yet this son wants to buy a HOUSE? citing what you gave his brother as a reason to tip up to him too? Surely it cant have been same as a house costs these days? It looks to me like THIS son is the 'favourite'- not the other- so then your other son would be left feeling miffed? You cant hand out large chunks to one just because hes 'got no savings& needs something for his future"? We ALL need that- few of us are lucky enough to be in the position to have it- whose fault is it that he has not? His own? Not yours im sure- he needs to find work, if hes physically/mentally able and make his own future as your other adult children presumably have done? What about your other children anyway?you mention other son, what about others? Did they have a monetary gift also? Or do they expect one? If not now, maybe upon your passing? What then? You put cat among pigeons when you gave money for first sons wedding, but also when you got this sons 'help' to deal with your finances! You should have taken proper legal/financial help then, not from family.You WILL need your money for your own future, this is clear- you could live very many happy years yet- you need to have the cash for that- who knows what little there will be for state pensions after this covid situation has cost government so much.Dont rely on a cushy (or even comfortable) retirement unless you have your own money for that, just say you cant afford to give him money for what he wants right now, but of course if he marries you could offer him same towards a wedding as his brother if you wished- that seems fairer to all than, 'i paid for a wedding, so ill buy you a house' doesnt it?

Oh dear, money causes more problems within families than anything else.
As you have given one son money I would feel that you should give your son the same amount but no more and tell him your position.
We have given all our son's a deposit to get them on the property ladder and make sure they get the same.

You Can refuse and you must, tell your son that he will get the same amount as you gave his brother left to him in your will, plus whatever else is left. Or give it to him now if you can afford it.
I know it’s too late, but if you gave to one son then you should really give the same amount to this son as well.
A buy to let investment isn’t all it’s cracked up to be .
Been there , got the tee shirt !

Since this son is privy to your finances, ask him to show you how your capital will support you during your retirement. If his forecast doesn't include schemes such as equity release or reliance on state provision in the event you need care in your later years, you may see that you can afford to help him with his proposed investment. But if his forecast doesn't include holidays, entertainment and other "extras" for you, beware - as @Humbertbear says.

I presume he has watched a few TV programmes where people have done this and turned over a tidy sum but that is so often not the reality. A couple of bad tenants, someone who wrecks the property or other landlord and tenant problems can bring huge problems. This is not a cast iron safe investment and with everything going on at present who knows where property prices will end up. You could say that you are not prepared to consider a lend now for that reason alone.

Spot on Lucca.

If you can afford to , maybe give it to him but make it clear that it’s his inheritance and there won’t be any more , maybe?

I agree with Humbertbear

Investments are for people who have money lying about. Your son clearly doesn’t have spare money. Your answer should be no.

Does this son have a house of his own?

You say he wants it as in "investment" - but is this an investment for you? I ask this as you say he helps you with your money..

The difference I see is that the other son was given money as your choice. This son is demanding money! There is a subtle difference. This son has done nothing to advance himself in life by the looks of it. He does not look like a good bet. Make sure you have enough money for your needs first. We do not know what is going to happen in the future so work it out from the most expensive scenario

Sounds like you feel emotionally blackmailed. Remove him from anything to do with your finances, say it's not possible to give him money at present and that things will be evened out in your will. Do not feel the need to explain yourself to him.

I have two grown sons, 50 ish. one has children one does not (not a choice)

we helped the younger one, not with huge lump sums, and now help the other one, again not lump sums

neither one of them has asked to be "treated the same"
not a concept in our household, but help as and where we can and when needed..

How many children do you have?
Frankly I wouldn’t give more to one than the others as it fuels resentment.