Wills and leaving to grandchildren

Personally, I think the idea that children have an entitlement to their parents' estate when the time comes is antiquated and pays no attention to what role those children have played in their parents' lives. It's a question of relationships. Children who choose to emigrate to improve the quality of their own lives, leaving their sibling(s) to be around to help their parents as they become older and might need assistance don't deserve to be granted an equal share of their parents' estate. That's the whole purpose of writing a will - so that the person leaving the estate can decide what to do with it. What would drive my thinking is the good to which the money would be put.

Keep it equal.
I have experience of hurt involved when differences made.
''Poor'' siblings on both sides of family favoured over achievers because achievers were ''all right''

Leave it as it was ! Split it equally .

I've got an odd situation here at the moment. Some years ago DD1 who is in property, suggested I bought a new build house to let out - to give me income to support my pension. At the time, we were better off, so to try and keep part of it from my estate, DD bought it jointly - at least on paper. I put down a hefty deposit, pay the mortgage, the tax, all the bills, so I keep the income. However, when I die the house will pass to her as her name is on the mortgage. At the moment, I've a will leaving substantially more to DD2, as DD1 will be able to retain the rental house and the income from it. They both know about this and both agree I've done the right thing.
Should I sell the house, I shall adjust my will to leave everything 50/50.

Totally, totally wrong to leave unequal legacies in my opinion. Perhaps you can tell from my first sentence how strongly I feel about this.

My husband is one of three children. He has a younger sister and a younger brother. The sister had lots of financial help when raising her children; we had none. The brother is now approaching 70, and still living at home, doesn't want to work apparently. You can imagine the situation.

My husband and I have worked hard all our lives and we think his family's view of us is that because we run our own (very) small business, we must therefore be well-off, whereas the other two are or have been very dependent.

Oddly, rather than ever say they are proud of our achievements, his parents have always said how sorry they are for the other two and twice now they have said they will leave their house to the son eventually, leaving nothing to my husband.

He feels hurt and angry because there has always been an unspoken acknowledgement of love unequally divided. You may say love and money don't balance; however, to feel so shoved aside over the years and then to understand this will be shown in a final way by the physical inequality re inheritance ... well, I have seen my husband reduced to tears and depression by all this and I wouldn't want another family to go through the same thing. It's been awful.

I repeat, I cannot express sufficiently how morally wrong this can be.

From what you say, I gather you have three children and the two eldest of these do not have children, whereas your third child has one child and another on the way.

In many ways the best thing would be to leave your will substantially as it is and leave a keepsake to each of your grandchildren. They will, after all, benefit from their father's inheritance from you.

If you wish to leave money to your grandchildren, I would suggest that you decide how much and deduct that from your total estate, stating that this amount is to be divided equally between your grandchildren. After that the residue
to be divided equally between your children.

Whatever you decide, I would, in your place, send each of my children a copy of the will, or at least inform them of your provisions in it. This way, if they object, they can tell you so.

You might want to consider making a list of who gets what of your movable possessions. A lot of trouble is caused by people squabbling over who gets this vase or that picture, or who is actually responsible for getting rid of what no-one wants. I knew two sisters who fell out over who had to get rid of their aunt's empty jam-jars!

Do get the new will, if you decide to make one, drawn up properly by a solicitor who can advise you and make sure that the provisions are actually legal.

Our resentments often cause us to not give equally.How we discover that is hard work looking at ourselves. Until recently i was not going to give my DIL any ,as she was the most difficult person,Turned out she was mentally ill, as i suspected, now she is being treated, she is lovely! If you don't divide it equally it will cause resentment, and in any case you will be dead so does it matter?
The whole matter of wills not done equally causes resentment with ourselves and the recipients.

Having been on the receiving side of an unequal will distribution I would say leave each child the same. It will cause resentment if you do not. If you put yourself in your childrens place it will say to the ones without children well mum clearly was unhappy because we did not have children. I think it is up to your children to distribute their money to their children in due course and you give the options with an inheritance to do whatever they see best. It will ensure you leave a harmonious family in my opinion. Clearly your late husband was happy with this arrangement.

Perhaps if you can afford to now, set up bank accounts for the grandchildren that you can either pay a lump sum into or a certain amount per month that will be accessible by them,at a certain age.
My mum took out endowment policies (if they still exist) and paid in each month, the policy matured when the grandchildren were 18, at that time, the cheque was made out to them.
I very much doubt that your youngest son will expect any extra than his third share, children or no children.

I would leave it equally. It always causes resentment and ill feeling between siblings if they are treated differently. You don’t want to sour relationships between them.

Yes, that one seems to work!

I'll try the link again sfe.legal

Don't leave different amounts. If you talk to any solicitor, they will tell you that even the nicest families, with hitherto good sibling relationships, fall out after a parent has treated them unevenly. You are only looking at a snapshot in their lives now. What if either of the elder two were unfortunate enough to develop chronic health conditions? You just don't know. By all means, be generous with the young family NOW, but please don't differentiate in your Will. Another thing to beware of is that if you do not set up a Discretionary Trust for your house, there might be some nasty surprises for you or the family, should one of you require long-term care. Also, what happens if your DH pre-deceases you, or vice versa. I would advise consulting a Solicitor with special qualification in dealing with "Affairs of the Elderly" (I know - it's rotten name! .sfe.legal/who-are-sfe/ There are over 1600 solicitors in the UK who are members. I was widowed for a second time, and my late husband had a complicated family who did not necessarily agree with each other. Let me just say that the money we spent sorting out our legal affairs was well worth it for peace of mind and to stop squabbling.

Leave things as they are. Nobody knows the future and your needs may well consume all the available money. With the will as it is no ill will can be generated.

I am treating all my children the same, even though they are in different positions financially. but I am leaving separate legacies to the grandchildren. I have three GCs from one of my children, but there is still time for my other two children to produce further grandchildren, and I will do the same for them. It is important not to leave behind anything that can cause a family rift.

My Mum has left a percentage of her estate for her Grandchildren, born at the time of her death. That way, if any of us have more children (unlikely now), they will all be covered. The rest she has left to my sister and I.
She has gone through contortions about not wanting to leave her money to people she thinks are spendthrifts or undeserving but the trouble is, to say why in a Will is hurtful but if you don't explain, the excluded feel very hurt. Once you are dead, you can't convince anybody that you were just being practical so that hurt remains. If you love your offspring, why would you want to do that?

My dMum left everything to be split equally between her 5 dd's. If I did before my dh I am leaving a btl house of similar but not identical value to each of my 3 DC. I am leaving them all £10k as well. I have 2 dgs from my eldest child who I have helped while I am still alive. I have always helped with nursery costs as they are do high. I have bought all of their shoes and coats since they have been born. I put some money into an ISA for them each month. That I'll continue and I will help out with school trips and tutoring as they get older. I will leave them a small £2k legacy to be added to their ISA's. I am leaving rest to my 2nd DH of 15 years. I want him to be secure too. He has no children of his own but has helped me to bring up my children and dgc love him too. When he dies my DC will get more, but he has already said he would pass on more whildt he is alive as he enjoys seeing them prosper. If he dies first he is leaving similar to me and rest split equally between my 3 DC and small legacy for my dgs's and his own nieces child. If he dies after me he is leaving everything split equally between my 3 DC. He has told me my children feel like his own as he has brought them up with me and they get on do well. DH has a lot more wealth to leave than I do. I thought long and hard before making my will but I would never leave one child more than another as it puts a barrier between siblings when you are gone and I want my DC to support each other not be resentful of each other. My dd will get my jewelry. I can't see boys wanting it but they will choose from my other possessions. DH and I have s holiday home in France that is being left in a trust administered by my niece who is accountant and it says it can be used by all family members with my DC choosing 2 weeks first each then it's fcfs for rest of the year. If it is let for 2 or 3 weeks each year as LL costs will be met and mm oneynis vested to cover future costs. It can be sold in the future if all my DC agree but money from trust will be split between named recipients including my niece's and nephews and DH niece and her child. It is a complex but it works for us.

My parents left 25% each to me and my sister, and 10% to each of the five grandchildren.
Although I have three children and my sister has two, we joked about my family getting more and it never caused any upset between us.
You could always update your will should you have more grandchildren in the future.

My recently deceased Mothers will left 4% of the estate to each GC, the rest was equally split between the children.

There is always going to be a difference if you have more than one child , you should treat them all the same no matter what there circumstances

I had this "problem/thought" some time back, eldest ds has 4 children, growing up fast, and youngest was unable to have children,

I decided to leave it the same, equally between my children.#
if either of my ds die before inheriting (what little I am likely to leave) then dil will get their share..

I trust them.
well when I am dead, I am dead!

I try to give gks and their mum and my ds`s whilst I am alive.

My own feeling is that provided it is discussed with the children and your reasons for giving more to one are explained, I can't see what the problem is.

I discussed this with my own children - one having a mortgage-free home and the other with a fair sized mortgage - and it caused no problems whatsoever for the latter one to be allocated a larger percentage. I don't have brothers and sisters but I can't imagine resenting a sibling who, in circumstances similar to these, needed more financial help.

The non parents should not miss out because a sibling made a choice to have children. Your legacy is for your children, let your children decide how and to whom they will leave theirs.

It could cause bitterness between the 3 children after you have gone and you wouldn't want that. I would leave some money to the children and do it that way.

Absolutely not ! You may have no idea what mayhem you may leave behind