Should I let someone off a debt

It’s done now, we both ended up having a really frank discussion and a small weep and I know a weight lifted from both of us. It took some persuasion and I really wanted the slate clean so after a long chat we left it at “when I win the lottery Nan” that’s good enough for me.

Thank you everyone I feel so much better.

tanith That is the outcome I wished for you both.

Thankyou Soop

I bet you feel a whole lot better now.
You’ve done a good thing.

So glad this is resolved.

We lent all our children money when we sold our family home so that they could buy homes. Some was paid back but eventually we let them off the debts as there was no realistic chance of it being paid back and we could afford to do it. Better to give money away to take it out of your estate and not pay inheritance tax.

Let it go.I let one of my Grandsons borrow money for an old car a few years ago, he was very good re paying every month, he is now at University for three years at least, and I dont expect him to re pay during that time, I am in fact about to tell him he doesnt need to pay any more,that is between us.

Could you ask your family member to pay back some of the money now and then later perhaps some more. What ever she pays back could then be lent to the other person in need. Does it have to be all or nothing. A compromise could benefit everyone, even your family member as you would all know where you stand.

If the situation is beyond their control and they haven’t got a history of not repaying, then a rethink is needed. I agree with others on here that maybe rather than letting them off, perhaps make it clear that you would like it repaid if possible but will defer things until they’re in a better position to repay, and then maybe at a reduced rate.

Whether you let it go or not, depends perhaps on whether other family members who might need similar help know they have borrowed from you, and obviously on whether you can really afford to give up the money.

To me it sounded as if this money would as and when it is paid back be used to help others in the family. If that is so, can you really justified letting it go?

Could you not discuss this with the people who owe you ? I am sure you are right in feeling that it is worrying them and presumably they either have considered when and how they can repay you, or are trying to find the courage to say that that just isn't possible.

For everyone's sake I think you need to broach the subject to them.

Talk with them about it and be guided by their response. If the repayments are crushing then let them off. If you have their reassurance that they are okay paying then just leave well alone.

My Son fell out with me after I had to leave home through domestic abuse from my ex husband, then My son made up with me, we got along fine for over a year, then he wanted to borrow Quite a lot of money which I gave him, but stressed to him we needed it back as it was out of our pension pot, we told him to pay us back in instalments to this day I haven’t had a penny back, quess what he has fallen out with me again, that was convenient wasn’t it. I feel like going to small claims court, but my partner says he is family, although he treats us shoddily, not even a Xmas or birthday ? card, deep down I’m heartbroken. Angeleyes58xx ❤️??xx

I've had this dilemma with mu family, I loaned several hundred pounds to our daughter, she started paying back(made two payments of £50) then stopped. I reminded her a few times but just a hard stare.
Then I helped my grandaughter buy a car £600 then she borrowed £240 on another occasion and have never seen a penny in return.
I don't want to cause friction so haven't hassled them, BUT one ting for sure. If any of EVER ask me for another penny never mind for what, they won't get any. I think in your position you should do the same.

So glad it’s resolved for you and the air’s been cleared.

'Lending' money to family members us inevitably 'gifting'. When it all goes wrong the basis for a family rift is there. Personally I would write off what is owed and ensure that no more money is loaned out.

If what you're saying is that there are other family members who are also in need of financial help and could do with the money it's tricky as you risk treating them unfairly if you write this off. What a difficult place to be OP. Normally I'd say just write it off but it depends on how others might regard that. If, for example, you helped one niece or nephew but not another then it could be felt as very hurtful, as if you cared less for them and more for the other person. Things like that in families can't be kept secret, it almost always comes out and people can feel hurt. You may want to explain this and reduce the payments or give them a break from payments, but even if the temptation is to let it go I'd suggest you don't if it'll risk causing a family rift or bad feeling. Some sort of symbolic gesture of fairness is the least you need to do imho - not going to be easy, good luck.

A loan is a loan so no you shouldn’t. Reduce the amount they pay you. If you feel guilty then accumulate the money they repaid and buy them something they need or take them out for a meal.

If you can afford to let them off the debt and it would be a huge relief for them then do so, maybe ask them, if at some point they are financially stable and able to do so, to pay it forward and help another family member

I am not sure that waiving any debts is the sensible thing to do. It would show people that they dont need to face up to their debts. It could also show weakness in that it is OK to "borrow" from mum or aunty or whoever and not pay it back.

This could lead to more "borrowing" by that person or others they may have told that they got away with the debt.

This has happened to me a few times with my children but it wont be happening again. I know that I have experienced this and I am therefore biased. It is nice to be kind but not to the extent where we are taken advantage of.

@linj How upsetting for you. We had a similar situation with a family member and the executor was unable to make contact to give the inheritance. They ended up communicating through another family member, who had initially been very reluctant to get involved, but eventually it was resolved - could you perhaps do something similar through the cousin ?

If you can afford to give it to them, they would be very grateful for your generosity. Maybe when things are better they may offer you some money.

Tanith, just read your post and the outcome.

You are a lovely Nan, and it sounds as though you feel at ease with your decision.

OP. Has come back twice to say she’s resolved the situation!

Read the thread !!

If it owed then it should be paid back and an agreement on payments reached. Can they manage smaller regular payments at the moment? We lent a family member a large sum of money, it soon became obvious that they had no intention of paying it back, we had to go to court, fortunately it found in our favour but still no repayment. We had to obtain a restriction on their house so that when it is sold we may get our money back. The family member was never a beneficiary in our wills so could not go down this route. My argument is that if they borrow money from a bank or other official source, they would have to pay it back so why should it be any different when borrowed from family. We have now vowed to never lend money again it was such an awful experience and caused a rift.

PS. Just seen that it is all sorted. Very pleased.