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Legal, pensions and money

Lodger friend

(17 Posts)
Regina65 Fri 30-Apr-21 14:05:04

Hi I have a family friend who I took in as a lodger .her ex threw her out in the street with no money no job.however I helped her get some benefits so she could get some money and also help me out with some rent.we have been friends for 27 years.i have a daughter and 2 gran kids ages 2 and 9 who I love dearly and lucky I see them nearly everyday to give my daughter a break.there has come a point where my friend I think is trying to take over.for instance she has told me that I cant bring my grankids over till 4 as she has got a interview online .even thow she is upstairs. Secondly buys out of date food and leaves it in fridge for weeks till it goes mouldy. I have spoken to her many times but now it seems I cant tell her anything without her snapping at me.i dont want to fall out as shes helped me years ago and keeps reminding of it do you think I'm unreasonable .my bf says I should give her notice to leave . as a friend that controls you isnt a friend and wudnt treat people like that.things have got bad to worse and now shes trying to get my family involved but thankfully they dont want to know

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 30-Apr-21 14:10:26

I’m afraid she has to go, give her notice and stick to it.

Dottynan Fri 30-Apr-21 14:13:35

Yes she needs to go. She has become to comfortable in your home now and feels she has some rights. I'm sure you have paid her back by now for her past kindness.

welbeck Fri 30-Apr-21 14:16:21

a lodger has very little rights.
did she have a contract, a rent book.
i think you need to tell her that the arrangement is not working any more. you now need the room for your relatives to stay.
give her notice. no more than a month.
email it for proof.
it's good that you're not alone, you've got bf, and DD.
these people act like cuckoo, move in and take over. maybe that's why she was thrown out before.
be strong. be firm. don't discuss it. simply state your wish.

Charleygirl5 Fri 30-Apr-21 14:25:31

She has a nerve and as others have said, she has to go. Before giving her notice, find out what to do if she refuses so that you know your rights and can spout it to her. Good luck.

Grandmabatty Fri 30-Apr-21 14:32:07

She thinks your house is her house. She has to be given notice. I know you don't want to fall out with her because of your shared past, but she doesn't seem to mind about falling out with you. Tell her it's not working and give her a month maximum. As others have said, find out what legal support you need to get rid of a lodger. She is taking massive liberties. Good luck.

NotSpaghetti Fri 30-Apr-21 14:41:13

Was your invite genuinely open-ended or was it "till you get on your feet" kind of open-ended?

It's easier to have her leave (I'm not talking legality here) if she can now fend for herself.

She obviously won't leave easily if she has no hope of other accommodation.

Grammaretto Fri 30-Apr-21 14:53:03

You don't say how long she has stayed but the mention of food in the fridge for weeks is a clue!
Enough is enough but I can see how this kind of situation can happen and before you know it, you are in an awkward situation.
Having hosted over 200 volunteers over 12 years I advise that when it doesn't feel right, it isn't right and it's easier to say now than leave it any longer.
Tell her A) it isn't working for you anymore (as someone has already said)
B) It's a good time of year to move to somewhere more permanent. (for her sake as well as yours)
C) it's an excellent way to lose friends and you will get on much better when you are not living together.

Just as an afterthought, how long are you expected to pay for some kindness she offered you in the past?

I have also had various odd bods foisted on me over the years including a Buddhist monk who I got chatting to. He was down on his luck and stayed for 6months and didn't pay a penny.

Shelflife Fri 30-Apr-21 15:56:53

Your ' friend ' is in your house and now feels she has a right to be there - she does'nt!!! Ask her to leave . When she has gone your friendship can continue , if she stays it will be destroyed. Be brave .

AGAA4 Fri 30-Apr-21 16:41:07

Don't feel beholden to her for a kindness from the past. A true friend wouldn't expect to be paid back indefinitely.
When someone takes over your house it is time to tell her to leave.

M0nica Fri 30-Apr-21 17:09:51

Just tell her to go, to not bother with excuses (relative coming). which are not true, and will only catch you out.

Just tell her that you can no longer cope with her living in your house , and expecting you to do what she wants all the time. Give her a month's notice and if she kicks up a fuss and doesn't go, call the police to evict her, or put her things outside the door in a plastic sack and change the locks.

Even though she has been contributing to household expenses, she is neither a tenant nor a lodger in any legal sense, and has no legal rights whatsoever

Buffybee Fri 30-Apr-21 17:32:41

Exactly what M0nica said.....

B9exchange Fri 30-Apr-21 17:36:26

Yes, I'm with Monica, you can't put up with that behaviour!

H1954 Fri 30-Apr-21 17:42:36

Time to show her the door! You can do this in one of two ways:
1. Speak to her calmly and tell her that whilst you have helped one another in the past, you feel the relationship has evolved to the point where you think you both need your own space, that you still want to be friends but she needs to find alternative accommodation.
2. Bluntly give her marching orders no change all the locks as soon as she leaves.
Good luck

Redhead56 Fri 30-Apr-21 18:29:03

It makes me wonder why her partner kicked her out in the first place. You being a good friend taking her in you didn’t really know what you was taking on did you? Tell her she has got to move on it’s your house your rules and stick to it. Don’t be sentimental she is taking liberties.

Madgran77 Fri 30-Apr-21 19:49:37

She thinks your house is her house. She has to be given notice. I know you don't want to fall out with her because of your shared past, but she doesn't seem to mind about falling out with you. Tell her it's not working and give her a month maximum. As others have said, find out what legal support you need to get rid of a lodger. She is taking massive liberties. Good luck.

Spot on!

Cabbie21 Sun 02-May-21 16:52:00

You need to give her notice to quit. Assuming there was no fixed agreement for how long she could stay, you can do this anytime. Does she pay you regularly for rent and her share of bills? Notice need only be as short as a week, if she pays you weekly, but you could be more flexible, though I guess the more generous you are, the more she will try to take advantage. If she does not go by the due date, you should warn her that you will have to take action. No need to go to court, as the rights are all on your side. You are expected not to damage her belongings but if she does not go, you can pack them up and put them outside.
Time to reclaim your home and your life.