How to give money to adult children who are at different life stages

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I would give the money outright to the older DC and put it in trust for the younger ones. You can specify in the trust deed what the money can be used for- eg it can be invested in shares, spent on property etc. You can also allow that DC can receive the income from the trust but not the capital. Worth speaking to a solicitor given the sums involved.

Think seriously about how the cost of living has shot up in the last year. We have no idea what life will be like 10 or 20 years from now so please speak to a financial advisor before giving away your hard earned cash.
I read somewhere that the average time that offspring take to spend their inheritance is two and a half years.

You can't control the money you give away as a gift.
I would never treat adult children differently whatever you believe they would do with the money.
DC4 As adult it is their responsibly to find accommodation to live in not yours. You have to allow them to grow up not provide a crutch unless the adult is disabled.
My understanding is you can give £3000 a year away to children.
Larger amounts I believe would be taken into account for Inheritance tax if you die within 7 years.

We’ve helped our sons equally to get onto the property ladder and with bathroom refits. One son has been more resistant so I accept his pride, though it does not sit well with DH. Should the need arise and the request arrive from either son, we’ll help. They know this.
As you can see, OP, this is a complex issue.

Grassgreen, what a lovely position to be in. It doesn’t matter what the situation is with the children or what stages in life they are. If I were you, they will get the same amount each.

It’s an interesting post. We have one daughter (MsOops) who chooses to live in the middle of nowhere, spends her time on voluntary good causes plus a couple of fairly low paid jobs, and our 2 grandchildren are both doing A levels.
Their house is unheated, damp and they live a very ‘frugal’ life and I know that any large amount of money would be put aside for the childrens education and be spent on her ‘good causes’. £100k wouldn’t be enough to lift them out of the house they are in and into a better one. So if we specified that the money went towards the property it wouldn’t be what they wanted to use it for as they are happy with the way they live and her Idea of good causes wouldn’t be where we wanted our money to go.

Our other daughter (MissOops) has health problems is a carer for her cousin and they are on benefits, they are both unable to work and MissOops is unable to leave our nephew for longer than a couple of hours a day. They rent a property which is fairly isolated, because our Nephew cannot bear to be around other people.
100k would mean MissOops benefits would stop and wouldn’t buy her a 1 bed flat in our area, she can’t move as she needs our moral support and the Health care they both get in our area is very good and might not be so good somewhere else.

I have a good idea about Nursing homes though as MIL was in a fairly pleasant one until she died ( almost 2 years ago ) and that was costing £1450 per week.

One thing for sure is that prices of nursing care won’t go down!

So you will need a very large cushion if you are keeping some money back ‘just in case’ .

In your situation I would be inclined to drip feed the money as and when they need it, which is what we would do, the odd large gift when it is urgently needed might be best.

It’s a nice dilemma to have though.

Personally I cannot imagine leaving my son and daughter different amounts of money.
If you make a gift of money it is for them to make the decision on what they use the money for not yours.
When our son married our daughter was given the same amount of money we gave him.
Years ago my husband was informed by his mother that she was making a will leaving her property to his sister because we had a house. Our house was on mortgage his sister and husband were in the military so traveled around and lived in rented property. When they left they purchased a house for cash, we were still paying our mortgage.

Apologies for disappearing. Have had the 'not Covid' virus which has provided much thinking time.

I've read all your comments and really appreciate your suggestions and advice, and especially sharing your experiences, and it's led to me having individual conversations with AC about their aspirations. I haven't shared my potential plans with them but have become aware that each is maturing more than I'd realised.

What I'm also realising is that I don't have a clear idea of how much my next home will cost and how much I'm going to need to live on in the future. Therefore plucking sums like £100k (to give away to to each AC) out of the air is rather naive.

I intend to seek advice from a financial advisor and solicitor and also run potential gifting plans past my accountant.

Thank you again.

You can give away any amount you like as long as you live for 7 years after the gift is made

You can give away whatever you want. They’re only bothered about the Tax Implications.

Oh and depriving yourself of assets if you then want your care to be paid for.

It’s £3000 before the gift s subject to the 7 year Inheritance Tax clause.

So if you gave £10,000 and then died, £7000 would form part of your estate for Inheritance Tax purposes. Getting less each year that you live.

And some minor gifts £500? to any number of people.

Yes, but HMRC state that the limit is £3000 to a person annually.
One blogger said it was limitless monies. Another person said they gave £100K to each of their DC towards buying houses; how does that comply with HMRC ruling!

So far, we do not have to fork any large sum of money to help our only daughter. She will be buying a property with her partner later this year but they managed to save up for the deposit. I did ask her how much she was hoping to save for the house purchase and she said £25k each.

We agree that we will give her a sum of money to furnish the house.

I will be reluctant to give my daughter a large sum of my hard earned money if I knew she is not capable of handling money.

Naninka
How is this possible? Read Chewbacca blog: £3000 a year only is ruling by HMRC.

MOnica. Are you certain "you can give any amount of money away.......".
According to HMRC, it is £3,000 per tax year.
Read Chewbacca blog with same details as I was advised! If you know for certain "it is any amount" please confirm and kindly advise the source of this info.

Please grassgreen -don't jump into making any rash decisions .

Your children aren't going to refuse a gift are they ?

You've worked very hard all your life .
You deserve a few treats - those holidays that you promised yourself .

And - you have no idea what needs you are going to have in the future .

One of my friends bought her daughter and family an expensive holiday to save their marriage when she needed to have a downstairs wet room installed.
Her daughter's marriage failed within months and her unfortunate ailing husband has to battle with bed baths and a commode daily.
He looks ghastly.

Early inheritance has caused a terrible rift and divisions in our family .

We have just been in exactly the same position. We have told them the money is there for when they want property, otherwise they get it when we die.

Our 4 AC have all received around £20k.
2 of them used it to buy property.
1 of them used it towards extending and installing new kitchen in existing property.
1 of them has blown the lot.
What can you do? They are AC after all.
Good luck!

Don’t let them blow the money !
I’d see if there’s any way you could buy two flats for the two renters. Maybe you could use their 100k to put down a deposit and pay a small mortgage on the rest? I think you’d be better to try to get a guaranteed roof over the heads of the ones who don’t own property, ( especially the one who lives with you) !
My sisters son has mental health issues and she’s ended up having to spend her pension on buying a flat for him to live in as he hasn’t been able to maintain rent etc,
I think if you don’t sort the one out with anxiety etc you’ll only end up having no end of problems because he’ll just blow the money and then probably have no where to live, and still be dependent on you. I wouldn’t let him blow the money. I’d buy somewhere with his share and maybe hope he pays the rent on the rest but realise he probably won’t.

I ask again where is OP? Has she started the thread as a wind up? She seems remarkably well off for someone who has earned it all by herself (£400k for children plus money to downsize and to live on, only 64) and the children are all so different. Maggie Tully/Lucy Snowe with a new theme?

couple of thoughts 1) there is property money and ordinary money and they are quite different. as property money 100K is good for deposit and putting towards, or being able to move up a bit to different area, bigger garden whatever Or maybe it could pay off a mortgage,.. as Ordinary everyday money itis massive. and that's the problem. You have every right to stipulate that it is property money as that will mean the longest benefit over their lifetimes. But for cars and holidays it is too indulgent and could cause so many more problems. As for this idea that gifts have to have no strings...disagree, better a gift with strings than no gift at all. My second pennorth is 'remember Lear'

Another financial minefield. The most important thing is to realise that adult children, unless they have special needs, are responsible for themselves, as you were when you were young. Every generation has its own challenges. That being said and having recently sold a property and made enough to free up a lump sum we decided to divide it equally between our two sons to use for family. Hopefully to have holidays or go out for meals, days out - for some fun after these last two years. Their children were each to receive a chunk for their savings account first. I know that number 2 son is not quite using the money as we’d hoped but that was our gamble. Definitely speak to a financial adviser - we did this and feel we have made good decisions, making sure that if we live into decrepitude a final holiday in Switzerland is affordable. We both have a chunk of premium bonds which act as easily accessible money - I don’t think they’re worth it as these days as an investment as it’s harder to win. I have had a couple of minimum wins and him indoors hasn’t had a penny., MIL wins every month! Trust funds?

I have two children and seven grandchildren I’m splitting everything three ways one third each for my children, one third equally between the grandchildren.
I hope they spend it wisely but I won’t be around to know so I don’t care.

Last year!