Buying house with daughter

As everyone else has said, you need to get good legal advice and I'd also like to add that IMO, whatever decisions you make should first and fore most be what's best for you and your DH.

What your son and daughter may or may not inherit in the future, should be secondary.

We are not qualified to advise you - well I was but am retired now and therefore can’t. What you add makes no difference, you really have to get good independent legal advice - ie don’t use the same solicitor as your daughter.

Sister-in-law

My sister moved in with her son and daughter-in-law with the full intention of building an annexe, once the sale of her house went through. Daughter-in-law started having reservations about having her m.I.l. living so near. Needless to say, my s.I.l. saw the writing on the wall, and bought a flat in a retirement complex. She is so glad and is now happy with her decision.
Your case is slightly different - son-in-laws are less combative and tend to mind their own business.

Still same questions, OP

So sorry to hear your dh is sick

I didn’t say, and should have clarified, but my daughter is married to a lovely nan and they have 2 small children. We moved towns to be near to them. We are very close, so the idea of us all being together doesn’t phase me. Looking at an annexe or similar for myself and husband.Also my husband has cancer and is on chemo most of the time, long-term prognosis unsure. So hope that makes my situation clearer, although We would all need legal advice of course.

You absolutely must get good legal advice, as MOnica says from a good firm, not just Joe on the High Street who does a bit of everything. There are so many 'what ifs' in this situation. I speak as a retired solicitor. I could go on and on about the possible pitfalls here. You have to see a good solicitor. People on GN are not the ones to advise you further.

A friend of a friend set up a similar arrangement with her mother. Mother sold off a large house, bought a larger house with her DD and SIL 80 miles away. She has a lounge and an en-suite bedroom, shares a kitchen with DD. The mum loves clutter, which is just as well as she has nowhere for her stuff, to the point that 2 years on most of her things are still in boxes. Daughter is into minimalism and is a clean freak. When DD has friends over, the mum has to stay out of the way. She was very active when she lived in her own place, clubs, friends, keeping fit but there isn’t quite so much for her to do where she is now and doesn’t have the facilities to have friends to stay over. She is effectively a guest in her own home and can not afford to move back to the area she came from.
When this was all being discussed it sounded wonderful to the mum and daughter but the rest of us could see that this would never work. We worry about the time the mum may need help, as the daughter and SIL are not likely to be the ones giving it.
If you want to be close to your daughter buy somewhere nearby but don’t move in together.

I wouldn’t even consider it. Have you spoken to your son about your plans? As others have suggested buy a house near your family and keep your independence. You really need to seek legal advice from an expert in these matters if you decide to proceed.

Oops I posted too soon.
So firstly there is the issue of what would happen should your daughter marry.
Then there is your son. In my friend's case she also had savings and whilst these wouldn't be enough for him to inherit the same amount as the house-sharing son, he was happy with the arrangement.

Obviously you need good legal advice with the contract.
But it's a minefield.
My older friend sold her bungalow and bought a house with her family. Then her DiL ran off with another man and instigated a divorce, wanting her quarter share.
The ruling was that she got it, although my friend and her son didn't need to settle until the youngest child was 18. However my friend didn't want to wait that long before she faced another house move, so they sold up and she's back in a bungalow.
Much, much better if you can manage to find a little place near to them.

That is terrible M0nica so very sad and of course you are correct to suggest legal advice.

When we bought with my DM only one person sounded a note of caution and it was someone who had had her own mother live with them for years until her death.
I thought our own set up would be quite different, very open with clear cut boundaries, but I was proved wrong.

So what I suggest is not only the legal and financial implications of the arrangement but as Hithere suggests, a thorough look at the whys and wherefores of the plan.

In my case DM had been angling for a intergenerational living for ages. She wanted a large property with all her DC and their families - a commune, I think!

I don't regret that we tried it, nothing ventured etc and neither did she, but after a couple of years it became clear that the arrangement was not working for either DH & me or for DM so we had an amicable "divorce"

Do not think you will not outlive anyone else in this walking time bomb. My sister was killed in a car accident aged 45 and DD was seriously injured and disabled in a car accident, aged 38. Neither was at fault in the accidents.

Agree with Niobe- I have known several cases where things went seriously pear shaped. If they separate or your daughter does go first. What happens then?

I would not do it. Your child may predecease you and her husband may remarry. What would you do?
If your daughter and her husband divorced what would be your position? Keep your independence.

Buying a home with an AC, while it may seem simple in paper, it is not in reality.

Would you be financially independent if this doesn't work out? Can they buy you out and vice versa?

What are your expectations from this arrangement, what are theirs?

Why do you want to sell your home and buy another one with them?

Whose idea was it?

What if they want to move? Would you move too?

susytish the only way forward is to talk to a solicitor.

What if your daughter and husband for any reason get deeply into debt and go bankrupt. The money you have given them, whether they are behind in their mortgage or not, will be swallowed up to pay off theire debts. leaving, your daughter, son and you pennyless

Talk to a solicitor not to us. This scheme of yours looks so dangerou, complex and riddled with flaws, that only a solicitor could give you any advise

If any of us were in any position to advise on this matter we would be solicitors. We aren't, so again Go and see a solicitor and get proper advice

I am thinking if we sell our house, then proceeds go to her as a lump sum, not involved in any mortgage they may have. Obviously pay towards bills. Husband and I are in late 70s. What I can't figure is inheritance due to son, who is unaware of this possibility at present time

Speak to a solicitor who deals with these kind of situations.

Go to a reasonable size company with solicitors who specialise in property, trusts, and wills and probate.

Lawyer and clear boundaries with daughter and family
What to do if living arrangements do not work out as expected?
Who pays how much from the mortgage?
What about bills?
Etc

This is easily enough done with proper legal advice as long as you are very clear on what you want to achieve.
I also recommend (although depending on solicitor it may add to the bill) that you see them to discuss, go away to think through the issues they raise, then go back with your plan clear.

To consider:
How exactly are you owning the house together in a legal sense? This may affect what is considered to be your assets if / when care costs are calculated, and a few other situations - such as your daughter deciding to go to live elsewhere.

Who has the right to remain in this family home and in what circumstances? You could, after both of your deaths, say daughter can remain until her own death / decision to move; but that may affect what money your son inherits.

The issues mentioned about valuing the house are not difficult for a lawyer to write in, but some things can be more awkward - it is easy to get a valuation on a house, but who makes decisions about it if it does not sell at that price?

You also need to consider emotional issues - what level of care or support are you expecting from your daughter (or she from you?). I have known set-ups like this where people have expected a high level of care from their house sharers, and this cannot always be delivered.

There are many families where this works beautifully for all, but do get everything lined up

Probably! It wasn't the money Callistemon21, it was how they treated her, as a nuisance, yet they had invited her to buy with them.

Shandy57

Yes, I missed out luluaugust, my Mum didn't see a solicitor. She put her £50K into buying a half share of my brother's £100K house, didn't leave a will. He sold it for £140K and I got £25K, half of her original investment, rather than half the value of the house.

Your investment was a quarter ie £25,000, your brother put in three-quarters ie £75,000 so shouldn't your share be your original £25,000 plus a quarter share of the profit ie a total of £35,000?

luluaugust

Yes I agree with PamelaJ1 you need really good advice. A friend of my mothers did this, when she sold her house to move in with her daughter she gave half the proceeds to her son. Years later of course the house was worth a lot more and DS somehow felt he had missed out. It can be a minefield.

If he'd invested it in property eg paying off his mortgage if he had one or using it as a deposit for a property his investment would have gained in value like his sister's. He didn't miss out because it was up to him what he did with the money and how his investment increased.

Your situation sounds different Shandy57 because you weren't able to choose how to invest your half, rather unfairly.

We bought a house with DM but as the arrangement stopped working well after 6 years, we bought her out at a fair price with us raising a mortgage and she was able to buy a small flat in a city centre which, after she died, sold for 10 times its original price.(after 22 years)
We siblings had a third share each. I don't think there was any resentment. My Dsis is writing a biography of our DM so we shall see
DM was always scrupulously fair and taught us to be.