False theft accusations

Does your Mother suffer from Alzheimers? If so, her strange behaviour may be a symptom. If, however, she is in full possession of her faculties, and someone genuinely has ransacked her house, taken her credit card, and walked out with a bagful of loot, I would suggest that the Police should be involved, as a crime has clearly been committed. If that wasn't bad enough, your Mother thinks that you are the criminal. A Police investigation will provide an opportunity for them to quiz the neighbour and to, in effect, call her bluff. The friend with the key will also be questioned. This is the only way in which the truth is likely to emerge. Sorry you're going through this, and I do hope that you can clear it up quickly.

She is old and probably feeling very vulnerable and it sounds like she may be getting Dementia or Alzheimers. They often accuse their relatives of similar types of things.

It's often very hurtful for the relatives of older people who are loosing their grip on reality. It sound like paranoia to me.

Why not contact an organisation who deals with this and describe what has happened.. it probably happens a lot. They can give a lot of insight and support to relatives.

If, as you say, you are now unable to walk and in a wheelchair, I think you should maybe accept that your mother is suffering from dementia.

It is often the nearest and dearest who find themselves accused of all sorts of things. Anyone who knows you, and your circumstances, will surely know that this scenario is unlikely.

I would certainly advise against trying to get any police or legal involvement.

I'd also suggest police involvement, if for no other reason than to protect your Mother - if someone has stolen her credit card, authorities need to know about it.

I have had my suspicions since last year about her mental health. One thing I do know for certain her home was not ransacked, this was in her head, my son will confirm this. But social services saw her in hospital and found her mentally fine. I know her and this is new behaviour. My husband says I have to protect myself or she could accuse me of anything. Believe me it is not what I want to do. So it my have to be legal action involving the police. All I would like is for someone to search her home for her just to see if it is still there. I am lost knowing how to solve it all. Who would I contact to check her for Dementia.

When Social Services came to the hospital to assess my mother, OH and I both asked them to talk to her for more than a few minutes as she would start the same (very convincing) story again. They spent about a minute with her and said she was fine. She wasn't.

You should contact her GP explaining that your mother is elderly and displaying behaviour that may point to dementia/Alzheimer’s and as you can’t visit because of your disabilities you are worried about her abilities to live alone
You don’t need to go into a complex stories about neighbours etc
However maybe the card HAS been stolen it appears others are going to her house daily and she may be being exploited by them (of course they would point the finger at others to take the heat of themselves)
If you haven’t visited for years owing to your inability to walk or go to her home then you can’t be accused can you? no matter what anyone else says

I think you should contact the police on their local number (not emergency number) and tell them that your mother has accused you of stealing her credit card, which you have not done but it is missing.

The police will be able to establish if there has been any fraudulent activity on her account and also help her cancel the card.

As for the "slander" and what friends or neighbours are saying, I'd ignore this completely. It doesn't matter what others are saying when you are innocent of something.

So just report the stolen card to the police, that she has become confused and explain that your mother is elderly and give them no more information than that. They will not take this as seriously if all sorts of friend and neighbour drama gets thrown in

Then go about your day and let them hande this

If she does not have dementia then maybe she was just confused whilst in the hospital.

Maybe you could write to her listing the reasons that it could not be true, it sometimes helps to see things on paper rather than talking when people are not listening as are so fixed on their truth.

Contacting a solicitor could make matters worse, she may involve the police all causing unnecessary stress.

Have you, or a member of your family, made sure whether her credit card is safe?
You don't say her card has been actually 'stolen' so I imagine this woman is saying you used it and then returned it?
Can you speak to someone at her bank and see if there have been any unusual activities made on her card? Even if there is no branch in your town (I found Lloyds very helpful over a credit card mix-up last year) there will be a phone number on the bank's website.
I doubt if the police will do much about the malicious neighbour but at least they'll have it on file in case more accusations are made. Ask for a reference number.
I wouldn't go to the expense of a solicitor.
How horrible for you..

PS
And HOW does anyone know about her card - have they been poking around in her private papers?

There was similar thread recently, regarding living away from mum - not visiting for a few years due to whatever drama.

Perhaps look to that thread?

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Am I being called a liar? All I wanted was some help and advice but I have drawn some heavy criticism instead. Thanks a lot. There is no inheritance neither she owns no property or has vasts amounts of money.

Nobody has called you a liar.

Lots of great suggestions but unfortunately GDPR means that nobody will speak to you without permission from the patient.
No bank, doctor,social worker will engage without written permission from your mother.
Does anyone have power of attorney?
If not this should be put in place.

Maybe the solution is to contact adult social care if you are concerned that her card may have been taken? Or concerned about her memory? - I would explain that she's vulnerable and now accusing you of something you cannot have done.
Ask them to check she is safe alone at home.
At least this way your concerns are on record.

Good luck.

Maybe your husband or son could go round and speak to the key holder and explain about the stolen card and that it is going to be reported to the police. The card might just reappear, if it had indeed gone missing.

SS did a ‘capacity’ test on MiL to see if she was capable of making the decision to be discharged into her own home. They said she did, despite the fact she could see babies on the ceiling! What you might be better off doing is getting them in to do an assessment where they stay with her for a couple of hours but she will need to be within their radar.

"If OP is being completely truthful about her lack of mobility and inability to access her mother's home" sounds very much like I am being called a liar. I don't need that kind of negative advice.....Thank you to the last two messages I will certainly take your advice.

Also Sago I did suggest POA last year but she refused. I also checked online if anyone else has applied and up to now no. But I will check again soon. If my mother is not mentally capable to give soc services her permission how do I get their help?