Army pension in divorce. Can anyone help?

Still married today ... he avoided divorce papers served on him. My costs were mounting so I had to stop proceedings. My only income was/is small State pension. He had had control of all money even before marriage. With hindsight..... . But thanks to all for responses.

Wyllow3. My mistake was concentrating on finding employment to support family throughout marriage. Or perhaps it was the fear from living with an abusive narcissist who had total control. I believed him when he said "take half the proceeds of sale, take half the joint account (never happened - plus he had other sole accounts) take half the pension (never happened.)" Nothing in writing - all verbal instructions. If I go for no blame, I pay my share of Court costs which can be protracted proceedings from other side. I don't have the money - as was pointed out to me by solicitor. Actually, solicitor missed a trick in that I could have paid fees from monies I was awarded. Probably didn't want to put the effort into the work. As mentioned... Baroness Shackleton recently published an article saying protraction is how she, and other lawyers, make their fortunes and the law needs to change. I will wait until solicitors are back from holidays this May, and start 30 minute calls to legals all over the country in order to obtain a consensus opinion. Thank you all for responses.

I’m afraid a divorce solicitor is very unlikely to wait to be paid out of whatever you are awarded. You may well not be awarded enough to pay the fees and it may be a very long time coming. He didn’t miss a trick at all. I know about protracted divorces - my husband defended my divorce petition and it took years and huge financial sacrifice on my part to be free of him - and he’d left me!

Since abuse was involved I'd contact the Domestic Abuse people and their recommended solicitors Toula. I have no way of knowing if work can be done at reduced rates if solicitors are funded or part funded but there must be a heck of a lot of women who need this help.

It has changed a lot since last April when No Blame divorce came in in terms of complete separation, but finances still rely on both parties negotiating and if not in agreement court proceedings. Both parties have to fill in financial forms and failure to declare all assets is not likely to go in his favour.

Under No Blame divorce the financial forms, even if agreement, still have to go to a court for what is apparently rubber stamping - but there is an element of duty of care there too - if things look as if one party has been severely disadvantaged, even if agreed it wouldn't go through. Needless to say, quite long waits with backlog of cases.

However, even the finance side was simplified to some extent. (Info from solicitor who helped me)

I'm sorry you had to go through so much, GSM, and you knew the ropes too. The hell of abuse is bad enough without the protracted money and will he won't he what will he do worries.

Thanks Wyllow. I was delighted that his solicitor told mine that I had his sympathy and when my barrister said to me during the financial proceedings ‘Your husband’s a bastard isn’t he?’! This stuff is costly and if one party wants to be difficult and prolong matters and can afford to, they will. Naturally, solicitors need to be paid! I’m sure the OP realises that she should have grasped this nettle years ago rather than leaving it until she has no money to pay for the necessary legal proceedings.

When I divorced my 1st husband we had to go to court about the financial settlement. He had been in the RAF. I wanted out and decided not to have a claim on any of his pensions. Plus I thought he’d help our 3 kids out with some of his money. How wrong was I! I wish with all my heart I’d claimed my 50% then I’d have given that to them directly.
I think Callistemon’s advice was very good. I think you’re entitled to 50% of his pensions, taking into consideration of what you have.
Good luck and make sure you get your fair share x

The OP isn’t divorced Gillycats. Still married. So she isn’t entitled to half her estranged husband’s pension any more than I am entitled to half of the pension my husband, with whom I live, receives. She has to get a divorce and an order of the court on financial matters in order to have any entitlement.

It might all depend on when you got divorced . Things regarding share of pensions have changed @nd the date could be a defining factor.
Citizen's Advice will be helpful

I was told you wouldn’t get a claim to the pension if you remarried or lived with someone as a married couple or you were capable of working yourself. But my lawyer also told me to let it go. Fun of being a military wife isn’t it

Nannashirlz

I was told you wouldn’t get a claim to the pension if you remarried or lived with someone as a married couple or you were capable of working yourself. But my lawyer also told me to let it go. Fun of being a military wife isn’t it

Mine was having an affair and he was also controlling and I suffered verbally abuse and physical and he also give I will make sure you and the kids don’t go without as it’s my fault, yes I didn’t see that pink pig flying past neither lol

Germanshepherdsmum

The OP isn’t divorced Gillycats. Still married. So she isn’t entitled to half her estranged husband’s pension any more than I am entitled to half of the pension my husband, with whom I live, receives. She has to get a divorce and an order of the court on financial matters in order to have any entitlement.

Ah, I wasn't clear as to whether the O/P had already divorced. so potentially she is still in the situation where there she can get what's right.

No Blame is easier than the old way but hasn't "solved" lack of co-operation. Ex had no pension nor resources at all but because of his MH problems - and a lot of imput from me to his MH people - he got a social housing flat, or I would have been really sunk and had to put my house up for sale.

The saving grace was that he has expectations of an inheritance which exceeds my house value so he was eventually prepared to sign the financial forms as a "Clean Break" - so I didn't get my hands on the inheritance. However I cant afford to keep up my house for long - usual stuff in an old house - so am moving and I want to get away from the memories too.

The whole divorce cost about £1200. Again, I do urge trying to get help and advice - and support - from Domestic Abuse people and their contacts.

I had a solicitor who at all points urged me not to ask for this or that as it would cost me and she knew the situation. Definitely not a money grabber.

That’s a good solicitor Wyllow. It pains me when I hear comments such as the OP has made about solicitors. I was never a money grabber either but clients don’t always want to hear good advice such as ‘it’s not worthwhile/you can’t afford to do this’.

That’s so hard to read , and know on your behalf ! Negotiating a divorce sounds positively cruel , when you have trusted someone you thought you knew!! I hope you manage to get by …. Hugs xxx

I think you should take the advice of others on here and go to the Royal British Legion or Services Welfare before you even think about getting a solicitor involved.

It is likely that would be less expensive than a solicitor and, even if it is not, you will not have lost anything.

My partner is going through a divorce/financial settlement at the moment.

His wife refuses to sign anything. His solicitor has now told him that the divorce can be settled separately from the financial agreement. If she won't sign, it can be issued anyway. I've forgotten how much the fee for that is, but it's hundreds of pounds rather than thousands.

He hasn't retired yet, so the pension is in the future. They had a separation agreement that their financial situations would be equalised after retirement. She retired at 60 with a pension, which she won't declare. She also receives monthly maintenance and received 70% of the value of the house on separation. His pension is generous, so she's losing out by not signing. My partner has been told that if she won't sign anything and won't declare her own pension (and how much she's already received), he can make an offer - if she refuses it, that's her business, but she's going to have to counterclaim. They separated 8 years ago and she's still playing mind games.

It's important for us as a couple that he's divorced. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable living with him until he's divorced. Secondly, while he's still married, his wife is the beneficiary of his pension, if he were to die and I would have no financial security. I know that sounds a bit mercenary, but I've been stung once - never again.

PS. The solicitors involved have been professional, helpful and fair.

PS. His offer is to stop the monthly maintenance payments, put both pensions into a "pot" and divide them equally. His solicitor says that's fair and no court would dispute it. He's written off the value of the house. No children are or have been involved.

growstuff it doesn't sound mercenary at all, it sounds sensible.

Toula, I'm sorry you were treated so appallingly. You've had some good advice on this thread from GSM and Wyllow especially. Seek some support for yourself and push forward with the divorce

growstuff, in your situation I would ask my partner to get the divorce finalised asap and let the financial arrangements follow at their own pace so you can get on with your lives. Oh, how I wish I (and most importantly, our son) had had any degree of fairness from my ex!

Toula Any agreement won't be concerned with who was right or wrong. It's tough, but you have to put a hard hat on.

Take any free advice available, but in the end you're going to have to pay something for the services of a solicitor. If necessary, consider borrowing the money, if you can. Don't let it drag on, so it costs you more than you're likely to get back - any half-decent solicitor will tell you where to draw the line. When you communicate with a solicitor, don't waffle - he/she will be charging you for his/her time, so make sure you're to the point.

It really is worth getting something sorted in a proper written legal agreement, even if it costs you now. A divorce on its own doesn't cost that much. You could always get an interim separation agreement. If he doesn't accept it, the onus is on him to do something about it. Verbal promises are worth nothing.

I don't really understand why a solicitor has told you that it's not worth trying to claim part of his pension - there must have been a reason.

I agree GSM. Thats the big step forward in "No Blame" - you can finalise the separation and postpone the finances if in a position to do so.

Growstuff you say, " If she won't sign, it can be issued anyway. I've forgotten how much the fee for that is, but it's hundreds of pounds rather than thousands."

Yes, if she refuses to sign the separation then she can be served the documents by the court.

Or - any recognition at all she has seen the documents can count. Thats what happened in my case - Ex had written an email saying he had received the documents but would refuse to sign. Too late - that was written acknowledgement he had seen them.

I should add, we are talking "facts" but all this has a great deal of very distressing emotions around. Wise to embark with pseronal support

Germanshepherdsmum

*growstuff*, in your situation I would ask my partner to get the divorce finalised asap and let the financial arrangements follow at their own pace so you can get on with your lives. Oh, how I wish I (and most importantly, our son) had had any degree of fairness from my ex!

That's what he's decided to do. He's been dithering about it for years because he thought that he would have to sort the financial side at the same time.

I'm afraid I applied a big boot in the backside area and the divorce should go through within weeks. He's intending to retire at the beginning of next year when he will be 68, so we have until then to finalise the pension. The issues at the moment are that she wants to hang on to the £1000 a month she receives in maintenance, doesn't want to share her pension but wants half of his.

Wyllow She signed a separation agreement 8 years ago. It was agreed at the time that divorce proceedings could start after two years. He's been dithering and she's being silly. She found out about me and is trying to be awkward and won't sign anything else.

PS. My own divorce was 20 years ago - I've had experience of distressing emotions and haven't forgotten them.

Toula, I would definitely see if you can get some help from SAFA or similar. Please don't let your ex get away with not responding to the Courts. You don't actually have to have a Barrister or a Solicitor for any of the hearings. You can represent yourself if you feel that is the only way forward. It is up to the Judge to decide at the end of the day what is fair and they can be very astute. You can ask a Judge to order your ex to make his financial status available so you can ask for half. You may not get it but at least you would know what the position is.
My experience of the courts is that they prefer you to try to work things out between themselves but at the end of the day, they are able to help you make that clean break.