Retirement/finishing work

Aveline

I don't think volunteering is 'justifying my existence'. It's an interesting and sociable thing for me to do. I do it because I want to and enjoy it.

I agree Aveline I enjoy my volunteer role as well and it's good to know I have the time now to be of help to others.

Locally we have lots of groups one can join eg history group, NT Supporters Group, WI, Townswomen’s guild and U3A which has groups for everything. They all cost very little and if you really want to get involved, they are all crying out for people to serve on committees and help organise. Also , local schools often want more governors. I took up painting when I retired. This gave me a new hobby and new friends as well.

Sympathies Siope. Glad you are doing better 6 months on and thinking about what can replace the old activities. I am in a similar boat.

Every so often I have to remind myself I am still here when I might not have been. And then look forward not back. Difficult though on bad days.

Sympathies Siope and Helterskelter1. You make good points though and I hope you have better days ahead.

Thank you Aveline, and HelterSkelter1 good luck with moving forward - hopefully more and more days will be good ones for you.

I retired 2wks ago and seem to need more sleep.. think the idea of retiring is very appealing but it’s a huge shock to the system as structure and routine are now unknown… yes I feel in a bit of limbo but know it’s early days and shouldn’t feel guilty about sleeping 🤗

I retired early and three weeks after we spent the next seven months in Françe having done it the year before on an unpaid leave of absence. We did that for four years in total, pre Brexit it was easy, after six months back I took a p/t job as I couldn’t settle, MrJ is self employed. Then came covid, job ended and since then I’ve embraced retirement, volunteering, gardening and recently U3A, it just took me time.
Maybe you need some time too keepingquiet.

If the people in your village is not friendly, you may have to travel to the town nearest to your village and join the activities there.

If you’re lonely and do not know which activities interest you, you can always join Oddfellows or U3A Supper Club where for once a month, you meet up with other people for a meal and just socialise.

I retired 18 months ago. At first, I was a bit worried that I will feel lonely or bored because I am basically a loner and the only friends I know are my ex colleagues.

However, I managed to make new friends through the Zumba gold class and we do meet up for coffee on a regular basis.

Also I am learning Arabic, so once a week I have a google meeting with my sisters who are living overseas.

In my spare time, I read regency/historical romance books, try new recipes, declutter, try to keep on top of all the finances, housework and medical appointments and sometimes chase after young men sometimes to the point of harassing them to get them to do some work on our dated house.

After saying that, I do find it difficult to adjust to a new way of life where there is no structure.

I think sometimes people who are not enthusiastic joiners can be their own worst enemies.

Because they do not enjoy joining things and have to screw up their determination to go to an event, they can somehow give off a very negstive air that puts people off.

I have every sympathy for them,

keepingquiet thank you for starting this post.
Definitely food for thought.
I’m 57 and would love to retire - but sadly that’s not possible.
It’s good to read your perspective and those of others and it has really made me think about how I want my retirement to be.
Thank you 😊

Really interesting reading the variety of responses here. I think what I'm getting from this is that it is pretty much what you make it. I am most inspired by the people who carry on or return to work. Although I can't now go back to my old job- I have to move forward. U3A? I like the idea of the supper clubs as I miss socialising, not so much the classes or hobby based stuff. Those who think retirement means no routine? Very wrong, as I made a structure for my day from the beginning. Problem may now be I have become a slave to it!
I am very involved in my local church too so whoever mentioned that was on my wavelength, although this does require patience lol!
I think what I need more than anything else is just to have some fun- laugh more and see the lighter side of life. Maybe I need to find a comedy club or something?
Anyhow you have given me some great ideas and inspired me to get out of my comfort zone in the coming summer months. Thanks a lot everyone - you're great!

I live close to central London and went to a U3A meeting in Kensington about five years ago. The trains were out of service so I arrived really late, peeped through the window and most people were asleep on their forearms whilst listening to the speaker. I did a uturn and went home.

I was a busy worker for many years. Now retired I sell stuff on eBay. It’s quite time consuming but lucrative. When I have sold all the things we have accumulated over 42 years, I might consider buying things to sell. I can have postal collections but prefer to use the post office as it gets me to leave home no matter the weather.

I can’t wait to retire next year. I work from home and get pretty lonely.
I’m so looking forward to coming and going in my own time and being with people during the day. I’ve a list as long as my arm for things to do.

I’d not heard of U3A and just had a looksee. Looks interesting. Something to add to my list.

Even so I’m sure sometimes I’ll miss work, but I’ll get over it.

I think I’m the odd one out here. Although I enjoyed my job I never felt defined by it and looked forward to retirement and starting life anew, winding down gradually, working part time until 60. I saw it as a new exciting phase, to choose to do what I find stimulating and spend more time with those I want.

I’m never bored, have met many new people, haven’t stopped learning, explored new activities, enjoy films, theatre, books (in a group) more than when working, meals with people, walk more than before, and so on.

So much to do, so little time. I think it probably takes at least a year to adapt and settle to the change in lifestyle, but we are all different, and I appreciate the sense of loss of self when retiring may be hard, and some miss the purpose and structure, esteem and enjoyment that work gives.

I was pretty much defined by my job but I finally decided that I’d had enough and I retired at 62. No more getting up at the crack of dawn, doing a two hour each way commute, bringing work home, my head always filled with work and deadlines, almost drafting documents in my sleep. Having a life after all those years of work is still bliss, ten years on. I am not a joiner and there is nothing locally which attracts me, but I have absorbing interests and I am never bored. Life is so much better without the stress of work and I value each day for what it brings. This is my best life.

I retired five years ago just before my 58th birthday. I did feel anxious, that having worked full time for 38 years (no children, so no maternity leaves) I would feel a bit lost without the structure and routine of work, that my relationship with my husband would suffer through spending time together, that I would miss the social aspects of work. But none of those fears have materialised. I’m not bored and don’t miss work in any way. It’s been wonderful, had some great holidays and made new friends. It’s just wonderful to have time - time to sit in coffee shops and watch the world go by, to browse in charity shops, read, go for walks.

I moved back (alone) to the town I grew up in after inheriting the family home - after living 'up north' for over 20 years, I thought a new but familiar start would be an exciting and financially sensible change.
I sold my own home, transferred + relocated with the help of employers and went part time (semi retired now).
I have no immediate family and have been estranged from my adult son for over 7 years.
I've stayed in touch with old friends, but they're now 90 minutes away so I've been using meetup to meet new local people to socialise at pub quizes, meals out and walking days.
I've found this to be one of the best things I've ever done -Everyone at every event & outing I've been to has been friendly, welcoming and chatty.
Although you say that you're 'not a joiner'; you must get out and push yourself a little or you may be at risk of becoming isolated and alone apart from your Church.
I hope you find something that 'floats your boat' or appeals, but I highly recommend giving Meetup a try.

I am retiring next week at 64 after working since I was 16. I must admit to being slightly apprehensive but know the time is right for me. My main concerns are financial, but also fret about what my day will look like. I have learnt from you all the importance taking time to adjust to this new phase. I hope I may be able to find voluntary work and perhaps a new hobby. But think for the first couple months I may just chill and adapt to a more relaxed lifestyle.

I retired at 59 as I couldn't face my job again after being widowed suddenly. Luckily I had my lovely Dad and son and they kept me going as did some great friends. I was lucky that I got a casual job which then became a permanent part time post which I love - minimum wage but enjoyable and keeps me busy. I also joined my local meet up group and they were great. A really friendly bunch ranging in age from late 20s to late 80s. I tried lots of different activities and only stopped due to a painful medical condition which made going out difficult. I am well, again now but my job, grandchild, house move, job, etc fill most of my time. I really would give meetup a go - there is something for everyone.

Anniegranny. Good time to retire. You have the spring and summer ahead of you. Never plan to retire in the
Autumn.

I understand where you are coming from. I was made redundant in 2022 and despite taking up childcare duties for various GCs I have struggled with the change from full time working in a job that I loved to part time activity.
I even went for Talking Therapies as this all kicked in at a time when there was an estrangement in the family. I also through the therapy found a part-time mainly WFH job for a food charity. That was an education in itself and unfortunately the charity decided after a probationary period that I wasn't right for them - the excuses they gave were (in hindsight) discriminatory against me and at the time they were paying me out my notice but it does make me very wary of working with or for a charity again.
DH is fully retired and of pensionable age is a home bird and happy to stay around the house with the odd foray out to the garden centre or shop and is relishing his retirement. Whereas I still have 3 and half years before I get my state pension and presently live off occupational pensions. I like to mix with people so some of the activities I do with GCs bring me into contact with other GPs. Some of whom fully understand the loss that you feel when you bring about a massive life change such as retirement be it forced or planned.
I will look again at part time working especially as one of GC's will be going to Nursery meaning I'll have a little more free time. It is very much getting used to what will become a new regime for you and being happy with it however it pans out.

Keepingquite ,

I totally get what you are saying I have joined U3A twice maybe more than that as you say the classes were all sadly very much overbooked .

WI ,I thought would be a good thing as my SIL moved to a village & has found a whole new friendship group . For me however , I emailed our local group only to get a response saying that it was closing , I hasten to add the lady responding was very prompt & friendly . She did however pass my details onto the leader ( or whatever name they go by ) of the fairly local WI where some of the other members were going . At this point in time I am 'still" awaiting a response ( not holding my breath)
I have looked at other WI's & may give one of them a try .

So I retired 18moths ago now and to be honest this winter has been very hard for me . I dislike this time of year anyway ,so find it easy to stay home . Added to that my DH has been on a 4 month sabbatical from work ,although he would normally WFH on a pt basis .
We both fell into the sitting and doing various things in the afternoons with the log burner blazing .
I started volunteering 15 years ago and ended up working for the charity for 13years managing a shop . I don't think I could go back to volunteering in that sector . However I did apply to Age Concern as a befriender , this was back when I first retired . or even before that . The process was so long winded ,it took an absolute age and that was without the training . I gave up in the end .
Then I tried volunteering with CAB , that was equally longwinded and after an online thing & a telephone interview (again ,does no one meet face to face any more !) I was told that I had to commit for a straight 8hours and the killer for me was it was WFH (Working from home ) ... I chose not to do this as my whole purpose was to get out and meet people .
I wouldn't volunteer at a Charity Shop as it would annoy me far too much , I know what ends up in the bins or rag bags .
Last January I enrolled in a college course, creative writing which I am still doing . I am almost at the end of writing a biography of my Mum's life which I have been writing for 4/5 years . When I say end ,I keep re editing .
GC are all older which means the end of having days out or them staying over , they have club commitments and my eldest GD is studying for her "A Levels"
We have been on holiday every year taking them to Cornwall with us and the panto but last year it all disappeared in a puff of smoke . It looks like it is a complete change for all of us . Roll on spring days in the garden will be good for us all . This summer we are getting our pooches a passport & have rented a Gite in France , Happy Days .

Germanshepherdsmum
I value each day for what it brings.
this is my best life

Couldn’t have described better how I feel since leaving work behind.

NanaTuesday your post resonated with me. This is my first retired winter and although it has been a mild one I am finding it drags on and on.
I have enquired about volunteering for various charities, and have found it very long winded for all of them. First, I didn't have the right experience or qualifications- yes, for unpaid work. Then, the finding of people to give me references to whom I'm not related. This has been a challenge as I only moved here five eyars ago and no one has known me long enough. Then, yes, there are zoom meetings which I struggle with, and more form filling. It is all very de-motivating. I am not cut out for shop work.
Yes, I write a lot but this is also very solitary and I won't find friends. I have done writing courses in the past too.
I do have a large and fun family but again, they are not friends and occasionally I want to be with people I'm not related to.
I think I am beginning to accept that it takes time to adjust- exactly the thing you don't have much of!
I'm beginning to think that social life for me is in the past. I do miss the place I lived before where I knew loads of people and although we keep in touch on Facebook it isnt the same.
I was very active in local groups and now I have nothing. How did this happen?
I am sure when the better weather comes things will change but finding new friends? No-don't think it's going to happen.

Farzanah I love your positivity and outlook. I just wish I could be honest and say I'm enjoying my retirement but I'm simply not. I miss being in a city where there are always things happening. Maybe I shouldn't have moved here- I don't know.