Retirement/finishing work

keepingquiet thank you for starting this post.
Definitely food for thought.
I’m 57 and would love to retire - but sadly that’s not possible.
It’s good to read your perspective and those of others and it has really made me think about how I want my retirement to be.
Thank you 😊

I think sometimes people who are not enthusiastic joiners can be their own worst enemies.

Because they do not enjoy joining things and have to screw up their determination to go to an event, they can somehow give off a very negstive air that puts people off.

I have every sympathy for them,

If the people in your village is not friendly, you may have to travel to the town nearest to your village and join the activities there.

If you’re lonely and do not know which activities interest you, you can always join Oddfellows or U3A Supper Club where for once a month, you meet up with other people for a meal and just socialise.

I retired 18 months ago. At first, I was a bit worried that I will feel lonely or bored because I am basically a loner and the only friends I know are my ex colleagues.

However, I managed to make new friends through the Zumba gold class and we do meet up for coffee on a regular basis.

Also I am learning Arabic, so once a week I have a google meeting with my sisters who are living overseas.

In my spare time, I read regency/historical romance books, try new recipes, declutter, try to keep on top of all the finances, housework and medical appointments and sometimes chase after young men sometimes to the point of harassing them to get them to do some work on our dated house.

After saying that, I do find it difficult to adjust to a new way of life where there is no structure.

I retired early and three weeks after we spent the next seven months in Françe having done it the year before on an unpaid leave of absence. We did that for four years in total, pre Brexit it was easy, after six months back I took a p/t job as I couldn’t settle, MrJ is self employed. Then came covid, job ended and since then I’ve embraced retirement, volunteering, gardening and recently U3A, it just took me time.
Maybe you need some time too keepingquiet.

I retired 2wks ago and seem to need more sleep.. think the idea of retiring is very appealing but it’s a huge shock to the system as structure and routine are now unknown… yes I feel in a bit of limbo but know it’s early days and shouldn’t feel guilty about sleeping 🤗

Thank you Aveline, and HelterSkelter1 good luck with moving forward - hopefully more and more days will be good ones for you.

Sympathies Siope and Helterskelter1. You make good points though and I hope you have better days ahead.

Sympathies Siope. Glad you are doing better 6 months on and thinking about what can replace the old activities. I am in a similar boat.

Every so often I have to remind myself I am still here when I might not have been. And then look forward not back. Difficult though on bad days.

Locally we have lots of groups one can join eg history group, NT Supporters Group, WI, Townswomen’s guild and U3A which has groups for everything. They all cost very little and if you really want to get involved, they are all crying out for people to serve on committees and help organise. Also , local schools often want more governors. I took up painting when I retired. This gave me a new hobby and new friends as well.

Aveline

I don't think volunteering is 'justifying my existence'. It's an interesting and sociable thing for me to do. I do it because I want to and enjoy it.

I agree Aveline I enjoy my volunteer role as well and it's good to know I have the time now to be of help to others.

My first retirement, aged 60, lasted eight months, the first six of them spent travelling, the next two bored witless.

I planned more for the second retirement at 65 - set up a volunteering gig doing something interesting, mapped out some travel, acquired an allotment, gloried in the idea of having enough time to tackle a few more long-distance paths…. Instead of any of that, I’ve had two long-lasting mobility destroying injuries, and now hip arthritis, which have gradually trashed my sense of self along with my cherished active lifestyle. I almost ripped the head off some well-meaning person who told me I should think myself lucky I can walk at all a couple of weeks back (even though I know they were right).

Not sure what the point of that self-pitying whine is, really, because it certainly wasn’t meant to be ‘count your blessings’ - it was more to say ‘carpe diem’, I suppose. I think what has helped me is consciously thinking about what I miss, emotionally and physically, and what might replace those things. While I’m not there yet, I’m certainly doing better than I was even six months ago.

I too took retirement from NHS it lasted 3 months, I ex boss asked me if I could Locum, 9 years later I'm still working on the Hospital Bank 2 days a week,
I have regular days,I worked all through the pandemic and it's only now I think I might call it a day, but I too am worried what will I do?
DH loves his volunteering, he's happy just reading the paper and doing nothing, but me I really don't know what to do? I'm not over keen on volunteering (depends on what it is?) but worry I will become bored with my life after being in an environment where I meet so many people, and my career which I thrive in.

Think carefully perhaps take a few months off, take it easy and good luck.

Keeping the body and brain active is on my list.

I did volunteering when quite young as a London Hospital radio presenter, so it isn't just for retirees who need to feel valued. As Aveline says, it's interesting and you learn new skills along the way.

I like the term "coming face to face with myself" Woollywoman. Very apt.

An "OK what now "moment. Interesting to read other GNs thoughts.

I don't think volunteering is 'justifying my existence'. It's an interesting and sociable thing for me to do. I do it because I want to and enjoy it.

aonk

I agree that this can be a difficult time and I really don’t think I would cope without seeing my GC although this is about once every 2 weeks because of all their commitments. Being a dog owner isn’t for me as I like spontaneous outings and don’t enjoy muddy walks! I’ve dabbled a bit in U3A but it seems very cliquey and most of the activities don’t appeal to me. It may sound ridiculous to some of you but I’ve never had a hobby in my life! I read and like entertaining and tv and the occasional theatre trip. I’m going to get back into volunteering which all stopped during Covid.

Because I live on the S Coast I gave access to several separate U3As. The activities offered vary considerably. But as someone once said, if none of the groups appeal, start your own.

A friend joined WI, found it very traditional and wasn't inspired. However there was another a couple of miles down the road that was much more to her taste.

Keep looking

I think it’s pretty ‘normal’, Keepingquiet… retirement is a whole new chapter and takes some navigating…
It’s almost as though one has to be more flexible/adaptable when you retire. Also, I have described it as ‘coming face to face with myself’ to a couple of ex-colleagues, which is very unnerving!
I’m not a joiner, but it does seem important to get out of the house once a day. Voluntary work is good - makes you feel useful and gives you a bit of a routine, but finding the right sort takes a while… sigh…
Good luck, and please remember you are not alone in this…

Some of the posters on this thread has spoken about feeling less valued and respected on quitting work. For many people feelings of self worth are invested in something outside of themselves, such as a job, family, or relationship. It sounds like a form of imposter syndrome.The implication here is to find something inside yourself which confers worth and value.

I was fortunate in that although I drew my state pension at 60 I went into doing consultancy and then gradually transferred to self employment. So I never had a stage when I didnt "do anything" or feel the need to justify my existence by volunteering, joining a group and so on.

My grandmother always used to say that people treat you in the way that you teach "them" to treat you.

I know of no law that says you cannot exist and flourish simply for yourself.

Join a church, you don’t have to attend every week, but they have groups and things to do, and you’ll meet some friends.

After reading an article in the guardian about resilience, I have ordered The Book about Getting Older by Dr Lucy Pollock and am hoping that will help me negotiate this time of my life.

February and winter grey wet weather doesn't help.
I have been retired for 14 years and didn't make any plans and it has drifted a bit. But I have never been a great plan maker. In my life things just happen for good or bad. . Ill health, hospital treatment and Covid turned things upside down.

So I am feeling the same Keepingquiet although further down the path and am reading the replies with great interest.

I agree that this can be a difficult time and I really don’t think I would cope without seeing my GC although this is about once every 2 weeks because of all their commitments. Being a dog owner isn’t for me as I like spontaneous outings and don’t enjoy muddy walks! I’ve dabbled a bit in U3A but it seems very cliquey and most of the activities don’t appeal to me. It may sound ridiculous to some of you but I’ve never had a hobby in my life! I read and like entertaining and tv and the occasional theatre trip. I’m going to get back into volunteering which all stopped during Covid.

The only way to find out what it is .... is to try different things , may not work out first or second time , but you may have fun discovering what it is

Thankyou Monica-you seem to have the right attitude and I suppose I make excuses. One of them is that I moved to a village five years ago and I have put my name down to join things, been to coffee mornings etc as you say but I don't feel that 'welcome'- more like 'who the hell are you, and I'll talk to you in when you've been here ten years' kind of thing. I say hello and stuff to people in the street which is nice but that's all it it- nice weather etc.
U3A is an idea but the classes are often oversubscribed with long waiting lists.
I appreciate your response though- I really should motivate myself into 'joining' something, if only I could find out what it is...!

It is not a question of whether you are a 'joiner' or not. For many people their contact with other people came from the daily contact with the people they worked with and the people who were in their lives incidentally as a result of their working.

When you retire you need to replace that social contact. One of the biggest causes of early death and mental health problems among the elderly is loneliness, So whether you are a 'joiner' or not you need to find away to give structure to your life and to get out of the house, not just walks and in significant contact with other people.

There are a number of ways you can do this, one is by joining something, even if it is only the local knit and hatter club once a week.

Our village has a 'warm space' in the village hall that is open one day a week and serves a simple lunch or coffee and cakes. If you have anything similar near you, you could just wander down there have soup and a roll or a sandwich, but you would soon become familiar with the regulars.

Joining things doesn't mean joining social groups or classes or working in a chairty shop.

When I first retired I volunteered with Age UK and used my work skills to visit people at home to complete benefit forms and pick up other problems they had. I was part of a team, it was much like work.

We are currently on the move. We are moving about a 100 miles to somewhere totally unfamiliar. I have already scanned various wbsites and decided what I will join or volunteer for to help us settle and develop social networks somewhere un familiar.

For me I will be seeing if the local museum could do with an extra voluteer. I will probably join the University of the the Third Age, not because it is particularly my thing but because I will meet people and hopefully soon know that when I go to the supermarket and town centre i might walk intosomeone I could say'Hallo' to.

Often in life we have to do what is in our best interests rather than what we want to do. So you may not be a joiner, but it is in your best interest to build a new social structure for retirement and that may require you to join things, for at least a short period.