What would you do? Do you think this is fair.

Would go with equal shares for the 3 daughters and if they want their children to have anything, it will be up to them.

We have 3 adult dds & between them 4 dgc though dsd is wanting a second child. If my dh goes before me my dds will receive a quarter each & the remaining quarter will be divided up between all the grandchildren.

knowle52

Can I ask what grandnetters do with an estranged adult child? Is it still equal share?

It's up to you.

Can I ask what grandnetters do with an estranged adult child? Is it still equal share?

When my mum died she had been saving for all 4 GC since their birth in savings accounts.. Consequently the younger ones received slightly less than the older ones. Everything in the will was split equally between my brother and me apart from a % to her church. My brother arranged to top up the grandchildren's before the split so each had a similar amount. We both had 2 children and my son was the youngest so received the biggest 'top-up'.

With this in mind I'm saving for my 2 GC. I still haven't opened the youngest's account but when I do it will be opened with the amount already saved for the older one and the same will apply if any others arrive on the scene in future. Then each will continue to get the same monthly amount added.
My estate will be divide equally between my 2 children apart from maybe some specific legacies to charities. I need to re-do my will but am struggling a bit with my only valuable bit of jewelery as it is my gold engagement ring with rubies and diamonds, and though my original will states it should go to my DD she doesn't wear yellow gold and I'd like it to be worn by someone. Still procrastinating as a result of this dilemma. She was given a gold diamond solitaire by her paternal grandmother for her 21st birthday and was disappointed, as she knew she would never wear it!

debsf1

Hi all. I have 3 adult daughters and 5 granddaughters. My oldest daughter has 1, as does my middle daughter, my youngest has 3.
I am sorting currently out my will and am arranging for all of them to receive exactly the same amount of money.
However, my middle daughter has spoken to me and said that split is unfair on her, my oldest daughter and their girls as they won’t technically receive the same amount and my young est will be x amount better off as she has 3 children and not just the one.

I think she’s being ridiculous but she is adamant that I should change it to splitting the amount equally 3 ways instead.

What would you do?

I would split it evenly three ways, apart from a few thousand pounds to each grandchild. They will probably inherit from their own parents.

My mum’s will just splits her estate evenly between her children.

The fairest way is a 3 way split, although I wonder what makes people such grabby, entitled horrors where inheritance is concerned.

Seawoozle I think that things like sentimental jewellry apart, I think it is best not to leave specific 'things' to people but let them sort it out after you die. Money is something else and that does need to be dealt with in a will.

At the moment we are emptying our holiday house in France. It is very like the clear out that takes place after ones death. Everything has to be rehomed, tipped, sold or given to charity.

We started the process during our last big family holiday last summer, when we gave our 2 chldren, DiL and DGC, pens and sheets of paper and told them to walk round the house opening drawers and cupboards, going through the shed and listing anything we had in France that they wanted. We were quite amazed by the items that they laid claim to; items for furniture we thought would be going straight to auction are now in a van on the way to their homes in the UK

My DiL made claim to a pine dresser and the vast quantities of blue and white mismatched pottery that went with it, another item i thought I would have to dispose of.

When it comes to thngs' you just cannot tell what people may want . Let them fight it out for themselves after you have died.

When my mum who has end stage dementia dies, has it written in her will that the money gets split 3 ways so myself and 2 sisters get an equal share, but have then added that if we see fit to give our children £5.000 each and the great grandchildren £1.000 each..... That means mine will be £16.000. My mums money is dwindling away to pay for her care, there probably won't be that much left. So I'd split the money between your children and let them choose to give what they can to there own children.

If I understood you correctly, you are leaving a certain sum to each daughter and each grandchild, so each of the eight people involved receives the same.

However, your daughter's objection makes it sound as if you are leaving each daughter the same, assuming she will then give her children a share. If this is the case then the daughter with 3 children is not being unreasonable. If the first is the case, she is.

In your case, I would leave each grandchild a small legacy and perhaps a personal possession of yours as a keepsake, and divide the rest of the estate between my three daughters, a third to each.

"Would you want your son to think you loved him less?" asked the solicitor.
Do people really equate love with money? The two siblings would be receiving identical amounts, the grandchildren are separate people. Gifts to grandchildren are exactly that, gifts to individuals. Why are final gifts so contentious, because that's exactly what bequests in a will are? I wonder if the child who hasn't got children should receive a sum equal to the total spent on the family at other times. Family of four get £30 gifts each at Christmas so single child gets £120 to keep it fair?

Mine divides the estate equally between them all, but if I wanted to divide it up differently that would be from appreciation of differing circumstances and need, not an indication of how loved any of them are.

When my mum died her estate was divided equally between me and my sister. I have 4 children, my sister has 2 and I felt that was absolutely fair. My choice to have 4!
We received some advice years ago when on a retirement course - that is to think of the worst case scenario. Life doesn’t always go how you expect it, sadly children and grandchildren can die before their time. Couples divorce. Care homes are expensive etc
I would get legal advice. Do you want GCs to receive the share their parent would have received if they predecease you? Is this restricted to living descendants or in perpetuity? Currently dealing with a will where a GC has died but GGC don’t benefit. Have instructed a solicitor!
Hmm. After writing all this doom and gloom I might just spend the lot on enjoying what time I have left

Missiseff

I'd tell her to think herself lucky, you're not obligated to leave her anything. Money is the root of all evil.

Actually it’s “the love of money is the root of all evil”.
Not money per se.
😁

Amazing the problems and worries that arise from wills. IMO your money, your decision and I would disregard the comments re unfairness from your daughter.
Personally I would either split anything equally between the 3 daughters or, decide on a smaller amount for each grandchild and then split the remainder between the 3 daughters.
Hope it works out well for you.

After DH died, I asked our solicitor if I needed to make a new will. Our daughter has 2 children, our son none. I had been thinking of leaving one-third to each of our 2 children, one-third to the 2 GC.
"Would you want your son to think you loved him less?" asked the solicitor.
I left my will as it was, equal shares to each of our children.

I think it is nice to leave an amount for each grandchild makes them feel thought about and special …just word to each of my grandchildren then if any more come along that’s covered.

Then rest split equally between adult children.

That way you can guarantee that the grandchildren get it trickle down not foolproof.

My estate will be shared equally between my children; what they choose to give to their children is their choice. I anticipated a similar difficulty to that experienced by debsf1 as GC are not distributed equally between my AC.
I intend to leave each GC a small personal item. One of my DC hasn't worked for a few years due to their partner's family difficulties, another is in the top 2% of earners, but I feel it right to give them equal shares, to avoid potential resentment.

Leave it to your children. They will pass it on to their children later. Skipping a generation or leaving it to children based on the number of children they had will feel very unfair.

It is that basic instinct from all children from being toddlers that they want to be treated fairly and receive the same. It doesn't change because they become adults

Interesting posts here... My mother left specific amounts to grandchildren and gr grandchildren but their names were not included in her will and several born after she wrote it. One arrived two weeks after her death and was included as he was deemed to be substantially arrived! In her last months she wanted to double these amounts and we tried to organise a codicil to that effect but it was not signed in time. I did not realise as an executor I might have respected this wish. I suppose the agreement of other residual beneficiaries would be required. One would have had 11 descendants benefiting from a change and the others only two.

Like most people here, mine is spilt two ways in favour of my adult children. I have two grandchildren from one and the other has no children, but recently had married and now has two step children. I had planned to leave something to my GC until the step GC came along. It then seemed to me to be fairer to not name any GC and leave the parents to share what ever I leave. I don’t want any favouritism (even though I naturally feel it). I have been saving for my own GC for years so they will have a lump sum when they are 18. I’m too old to start saving for the step GC now (no longer working, or I would) but their father is reasonably well off, so they will be ok. It’s all I can do. I’ve done lots for my AC in their lives and continue to do so, they are always telling me to spend, spend, it would be nice but my DH (Died four years ago) would haunt me if I wasted our house money or my pension pot!

I have left everything to my three sons except for £1000 each to my granchildren - I have five but there could be more by the time I die. Apparently, if most of my estate went on care the legacy to my grandchildren would be honoured.

Wow your daughter is being rude and grabby - it’s your money to do as you please!
My estate will be split equally between my 3 DC regardless of their circumstances. My home will also be sold and shared even though my middle DC still lives at home

Casdon

I’d tell my daughter to butt out if she started tell me what she was entitled to after I die, quite honestly. It’s yours, and you must do what feels right to you.

Exactly.

My daughter has told me that she doesn't expect me to leave her or my grandchildren anything as she wants me to spend my money on myself.

Quite frankly I'd leave her share to the Cat Rescue charity. What a cheek, looking forward to what she will get when you die. Horrible.

I'd tell her to think herself lucky, you're not obligated to leave her anything. Money is the root of all evil.

Split it between the three daughters then let them decide what they want to do.