What would you do? Do you think this is fair.

debsf1

Hi all. I have 3 adult daughters and 5 granddaughters. My oldest daughter has 1, as does my middle daughter, my youngest has 3.
I am sorting currently out my will and am arranging for all of them to receive exactly the same amount of money.
However, my middle daughter has spoken to me and said that split is unfair on her, my oldest daughter and their girls as they won’t technically receive the same amount and my young est will be x amount better off as she has 3 children and not just the one.

I think she’s being ridiculous but she is adamant that I should change it to splitting the amount equally 3 ways instead.

What would you do?

I would split it evenly three ways, apart from a few thousand pounds to each grandchild. They will probably inherit from their own parents.

My mum’s will just splits her estate evenly between her children.

When my mum died she had been saving for all 4 GC since their birth in savings accounts.. Consequently the younger ones received slightly less than the older ones. Everything in the will was split equally between my brother and me apart from a % to her church. My brother arranged to top up the grandchildren's before the split so each had a similar amount. We both had 2 children and my son was the youngest so received the biggest 'top-up'.

With this in mind I'm saving for my 2 GC. I still haven't opened the youngest's account but when I do it will be opened with the amount already saved for the older one and the same will apply if any others arrive on the scene in future. Then each will continue to get the same monthly amount added.
My estate will be divide equally between my 2 children apart from maybe some specific legacies to charities. I need to re-do my will but am struggling a bit with my only valuable bit of jewelery as it is my gold engagement ring with rubies and diamonds, and though my original will states it should go to my DD she doesn't wear yellow gold and I'd like it to be worn by someone. Still procrastinating as a result of this dilemma. She was given a gold diamond solitaire by her paternal grandmother for her 21st birthday and was disappointed, as she knew she would never wear it!

Can I ask what grandnetters do with an estranged adult child? Is it still equal share?

knowle52

Can I ask what grandnetters do with an estranged adult child? Is it still equal share?

It's up to you.

We have 3 adult dds & between them 4 dgc though dsd is wanting a second child. If my dh goes before me my dds will receive a quarter each & the remaining quarter will be divided up between all the grandchildren.

Would go with equal shares for the 3 daughters and if they want their children to have anything, it will be up to them.

None of my nor my ex-husband’s parents or grandparents left their grandchildren anything. First death left everything to surviving spouse, their death left everything divided between the three adult offspring on each side. Our children will inherit from us, I’m not specifically leaving anything to our grandchildren. Their turn will come when their own parents die.

My grandmother also chose to leave her estate unequally between the various children and grandchildren. She left a codicil to her will explaining why she had chosen to disinherit two members of the family. I wont go into detail but that too caused considerable recriminations and arguments. I am leaving everything to one person regardless so there can be no argument.

No wonder there are often punch ups at Liverpool funerals!

For a start I wouldn’t be telling my children about my will. They will have nice suprise after I’ve gone.

Am I missing something here? Isn't anyone leaving anything to their spouses? We're at the tricky stage of how to divide our assets once we have both died, assuming that the survivor hasn't/doesn't wish to, change their will. We own a farm which it's impossible to split sensibly between 2 AC - it certainly couldn't be split in half to give equal shares as one half would be bound to have the house & buildings. The only fair way would be to order it to be sold & the proceeds divided equally. It's a real quandary & is delaying us updating our wills which are currently not particularly fair. DH says fairness doesn't come into it which I don't agree with, having been only left a third of my father's estate when DS got two thirds - we both have 2 AC & I have 2 GSs so I could also say it was unfair on my children as they would get less than their cousins, if I decide to pass any money on to them. Also, DS was gifted his grandmother's bungalow a few years ago. It was left to DH who, after renting it ti DS for a few years, decided to give it to him. I want to make things right for DD but can't see how. Its all very difficult!

I can see something like a farm makes for difficult decisions. Would either your son or daughter want to take over the farm? That would surely be a consideration. Otherwise an adjustment could be made that your daughter gets a bigger percentage of the eventual estate to compensate for her brother having been given the gift of the bungalow.
Yes I imagine most of us leave everything to our spouse in the first instance with the proviso that if the spouse dies first then xyz. I know in ours it says if the spouse dies within one month (I think) then it's to be treated as if they pre-deceased us, and everything goes to the children.

One general point to be aware of. Someone I know had a parent who remarried. This new couple agreed that when the second spouse died the combined estate should be shared equally amongst all the children (all adults) and appropriate mirror wills were drawn up. The friend's parent died first and the step parent then changed their will to leave everything to just their own children, which was enacted when they died 18 months later. My friend and their siblings saw not a penny of their parent's estate. All entirely legal

I have split my will between my 3 children as even though they all have differing incomes and lifestyles, I would hate the thought that one would feel that the others had benefited. I gave $1,000 to my oldest grandchild when she turned 21 and have written in my will that my two grandsons (presently aged 18 and 15) are to receive the same amount on their 21st birthdays. Money always seems to cause a few problems. I know one of my sons will just squander any money received on alcohol, drugs and cigarettes but don't want to treat him differently to my other two.

That's entirely your prerogative NannyEm and as valid as any other decision. I'd just say nothing is written in stone and people, especially parents, should be able to leave bequests however they like without having their love for any individual valued by how much monetary gain they leave them.

My grandparents had 5 children, who between them, gave them 9 grandchildren.

One of them had no children, one had 3, and the remaining 3 siblings had 2 each.

A similar conversation to the OP's was had with my grandparents around the time I was 18 (I'm the eldest grandchild), and in the end, my grandfather said he was sick of all the squabbling, and he was going to leave everything to the 4 youngest grandchildren, on the basis that he believed that the elder 5 of us would all be adults and earning our own money by the time he and my grandmother passed away.

As it turned out, he was right, my grandmother passed first, followed 2yrs later by my grandfather, at which time, I was almost 30 (and had 2 children of my own by then), the others being left out of the will were all mid-20s, whilst the 4 youngest were all still at school, and their inheritance was held in trust until they were 18.

I also remember something being said about leaving something for my 2 children (as they were clearly not adults), but my understanding is that my mother was given this, and it never made it to my kids.

Stick to your guns - your money, your decision. End of.

Or, as an alternative, leave the lot to your preferred charity. If they are whinging about your will now then there'll be open warefare when you're gone! Just remove the source of any potential future problem......

My mum had 7 children and changed her will before she died to leave half of her estate to her grown children not to be distributed until her husband died at which time, his grown children also got 50%. If she hadn't written her will like this, 100% would have gone to him at her death and consequently on to his children. It has left me things to think about as I also am married and not married to my children's father.

One of my aunts and uncles, did much what *mae13 recommended. They had no children but were close to my sisters and myself.

However, my uncle was scarred by a series of really unpleasant rows and difficulties over wills in his family, so the couple decided to leave everything to charity.

They later relented and left the house and contents to my sisters and I, although their substantial investments, worth much much more, went to charity. I was their executor. My sister and I (one sister died in her 40s and was childless) amicably sorted out the house contents and I sold the house and divided the proceeds between us. Our side of the family do not fight over wills.

Leave the grand-children out of it. And the husbands, too. Just divide the estate between your three daughters, and then it's up to them whether to share, or not.

Another interesting read, having spoken about it but not actually done a will yet ,DH & myself have said we will divide 50/50 between his children & mine .
As we have 8 Children between us DHx5 myself x3 .plus currently 16 GC & 2 GGC ( with another due in June )
When you then consider 2 of SS do not yet have children it becomes a minefield .
I will leave my 50% to my DC with the proviso that my GC have. £1K each & any GGS £500.
I can’t think of any better way 50/50 .
My own Gran left me £1k .
I have now been prompted to get this done soon .

I would say leave it equally between your three daughters as this would probably avoid any arguments. A distant relative split his will the same way as you plan and his children have not been on speaking terms for years as they all feel that the will was unfair.

I would split it equally between 3 children except 10% to be split between all grandchildren

I think you should choose how you want to split the money,whilst I agree a 3 way split is probably fairest, it's up to you how to share it out.

Our will leaves a third of our assets to each of my two sons and the other third divided equally between our four grandchildren, yes one son is better of than the other son, but to me it wouldn’t be right to ‘punish’ him by giving him less than his brother just because he has a better job at the moment, who knows what financial situation he will be in in the future, life doesn’t come with guarantees and I don’t love him anymore or less than his brother

Some years ago we someone whose father remarried shortly after his wife died. He had married for over years and remarried someone who was described as a former sweetheart. He did not make a will but said that his second wife would do what was right. She did - for her own children. The man's children got nothing, not even family heirlooms.

I've got a similar problem 2 sons both with 2 children. Youngest son has done really well and asked that we dont leave him anything and just pass it to his 2 children his house is paid for, his pension is at maximum and he is higher rate tax payer. Said it will have tax implications if he receives it. However I feel that it then makes it difficult for us to decide what to leave my other son and his children.