Wills and POA's.

I’m pleased it’s now been sorted to your satisfaction.
Thank you for letting GN know.

I had the solicitor in today and she has set up both wills and POA for me and DH. He was quite aware of what he was doing and able to make inputs on it. I have a POA for him and he has one for me. We also have back up attorney's in case either of us becomes incapacitated.

One thing that surprised me was that we were able to make a number of constraints on the POA , especially decisions about health and death. This was especially important as neither of us agree with DNR or euthanasia . Apparently these kind of things can be written up in a POA to ensure no one over rides living wishes. I know , when DH was last in hospital and in their view quite capable of making his own decisions, they asked him to sign to say if he was ill again he would allow the hospital to place a DNR on him. He refused at the time. It seems this DNR is becoming quite common in hospital and care. Now I know some people want this. Some agree with euthanasia etc. But we dont ( and funnily enough, although I picked the solicitor out with a pin in a directory, neither does she feel its appropriate to ask as it is so routinely done now)

He could actually have the beginnings of dementia caused by the stroke.

If you are able to, it might help to see a GP and get a referral to the Memory Clinic and have it checked.

In terms of your home, surely it would be best to have “mirror” wills, each leaving everything to each other, and in the event of both deaths then his half to his sisters and your half to the dogs home etc.

Consult your solicitor and see where you stand re your home.

Good luck

I understand that if DH refuses there is nothing you can do. From what you say I am not sure a POA could be taken out. People have to be mentally capable to do this and it seems your DH is demonstrating signs that indicate otherwise. Gosh a stroke caused by the wrong medication ,that is shocking!!! You are in a very difficult situation and I hope the links Monica has sent will help you to navigate this situation. I wish you the very best - good luck !

Here are links to three Age UK Factsheets which answer a lot of your questions. Just click on the link and the fact sheets will come up

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney-information-guide/

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/wills-and-estate-planning-information-guide/

Do it now? But how if hubby refuses? If he has the capacity to agree it, he has the capacity equally to say " No" - as he has. If his brain is affected , then he cant agree or otherwise can he?

No one ever talks about these sorts of side affects for a stroke. In normal conversation you do not see it. Its only when he wakes at three in the morning accusing me of trying to kill him or saying the police are in the room or someone has trashed the house, or asks how many people are sleeping in our bedroom ( all I think are flashbacks to the hospital where this did happen) that you realise all may not be well. By the way, his stoke was caused by a medical incident in the hospital when they gave him the wrong medication , or too much medication - they still havent completed their inquiry into that. It was what they call a watershed stroke ( his BP dropped to nothing) and it was an iatrogenic stroke. But I have to live with the results , not them.

I may well ask the solicitor about tenants in common as I think the house is currently joint names _ survivor takes all I think. My husband has surprised me with this. The funny thing is, his sisters are 77 and 80 respectively, much older than I am and much more likely to die before me but its the odd circumstance of me being left with no home as they are still alive and he dies. ( I am mid sixties and hubby is just turned 70).

As for a POA . I would have liked a health POA for him but his refusal is straight forward and that is that. Again he surprises me as I have been there for him. But if it is how he wants it, then whatever happens now happens doesnt it?

I just wonder what will happen as no one talks about it. They say , do this or that, but never really say why.

Do it now!

I hope I’m not scaremongering, but I’d do it all sooner rather than later.
It may be that if left and your DH continues to get more ‘irrational’ that he could be deemed to not have the capacity to consent to making wills and POAs.

There is another thread about tenants in common - it also protects you if your partner has to go into a care home.

Reading your post I was reminded of a widowed friend whose DH had left the house (in his name) to the children and not to her!

Hubby can leave the house to his sisters but giving you the right to live in it.I don’t think they would be able to force you to sell. It depends on how you jointly own the house. I think if you are tenants in common you each own half and so can’t dispose of half a house. You clearly need legal advice before you draw up wills.
A POA is not just about money, it is about making decisions about your care and treatment.