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(10 Posts)
Katybobbs91 Mon 06-Feb-17 08:52:18

Hi - I am A very New nana - but already I feel excluded and spoken down to I popped in once to see the new addition - and did not stay long- I popped in with my son a couple of days ago- my daughter was so rude and I felt so hurt, I had texted her before to pre warn her - she knew he was coming to visit his new nephew- I Cooked a meal for her the first week, and got some shopping, but I just don't feel welcome, I'm very sad (although our relationship has always been hard (divorced parents), last time I visited I hardly stayed half hour, then with my son - she asked "what time we were leaving?" My son-in law came in and offered us a cup of tea, then we left, it felt awful, I appreciate it's all very new- but just don't want to be treated like this? Please help, with any advice please?

vampirequeen Mon 06-Feb-17 11:20:01

Has she always been like this? If not, could she have post natal depression?

Katybobbs91 Mon 06-Feb-17 18:34:51

Hi Vampirequeen, yes she has had not a good relationship with me- I try so hard- but it's just hurtful cos I'm trying to help- but she's blocking me off! I feel I'm not needed or she doesn't want my help (yes it's very possible - she has to go back to work soon) I'm treading on egg shells all the time - I could make excuses for her but being spoken to in that way is awful - I've backed right off! She's pushing me away it's horrid

vampirequeen Mon 06-Feb-17 19:38:49

I understand how hard this must be. When I escaped my ex, my girls felt sorry for him. Of course it was my fault....but then I'd hidden most of the abuse from them so they didn't know what a manipulative b their dad is. Anyway he worked his magic on them and I was sidelined for quite a while. They never cut me off completely but neither did they make much of an effort. All the running came from me.

Mind you he has convinced them that I was having affairs, spending money like water and running up massive debts.....oddly what he was doing. One day he went through my phone contacts and saw Sam. He was convinced that Sam was my lover. Actually it was short for the Samaritans lol. But I digress. I was just wondering if your daughter blames you for breaking up the 'happy home' when your marriage broke up.

Do you have the strength to keep offering olive branches to her? It's very difficult but if you don't you won't see much of your DGC.

Katybobbs91 Tue 07-Feb-17 17:32:15

Hi there, vampirequeen, I know exactly where you are coming from- yes I think you have hit the nail on the head, I told her to go at 14- cos I couldn't cope with her, yes it is all aimed at me! But I'm so tired of being put down and spoken to it's very hurtful I avoid going to see her cos of it now as I'm so worried I will get spoken to in a bad way (just as my ex did to me) I don't think she will change! I'm not sure I have the strength left but she does need to learn not to do this in front of others I'm very sad at her! Her husband is lovely, he sees what is happening and really tries to make up for her - I've now given her a really wide berth! It's almost like she is trying to keep getting back at me! A difficult situation - thanks for responding it seems we had similar exes he gave me mental abuse and put me down - I was wondering if I could ask for family therapy (would she go? If I could find a counsellor? I'm not sure! It seems she may use him as a tool to get to me! Xx

Katybobbs91 Tue 07-Feb-17 17:33:24

I mean using my gs as a tool x

Katybobbs91 Tue 07-Feb-17 17:38:34

I was wondering how I could react when she says when are you going? Or when I walked in the kitchen she was breastfeeding, I am only concerned about her and she said literally "Go away ! X

vampirequeen Tue 07-Feb-17 20:29:54

Perhaps it would help if you not only pre-booked your visits but say you'll only be there for half an hour because you know how busy/tired she is. That way she knows when you're coming and when you'll be going.

Katybobbs91 Thu 09-Feb-17 10:31:54

Hi VQ hope you are well? Popped in briefly with a friend because my friend had a card, (was Gona pop thro letterbox- but I had bought small pair of jeans for ha, she was breast feeding- was in a better mood and looked well, stayed 10 mins max - and wished her well as she's going back to work- ( 3 weeks - self employed) not sure 🤔 how it's Gona work ( Gona be very hard! Her husband st home for about 4 months) like u say have to pre book- or wait for a text - she's going to. E very tired- but I put over the olive branch as best I could x

vampirequeen Thu 09-Feb-17 12:03:24

I have to admit I'm not very good at dealing with drop in visitors which made me think that your daughter may be the same.