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Menopause

My wife please help me

(11 Posts)
Njlong Sat 01-Feb-20 21:04:06

Hi, we’ve only been married since June and very happy, this week my wife asked for sometime alone. She has been having hot flushes and believes it’s the menopause she is 50 next month. Today she has said she no longer wants to be with me, feels trapped and doesn’t like to be touched. She has said it is nothing I have done it is her. I’m hoping it is all menopause related, can someone help me I’m close to tears as I love her so much it’s tearing me apart

SueDonim Sat 01-Feb-20 21:16:13

Oh dear, that’s very sad. I’d suggest a visit to the doctor, to start off with. I do hope you can resolve the problem.

JuliaM Sat 01-Feb-20 21:18:06

Give her a little time, if it is the menopause then mood swings and feeling unwell, even worthless and depressed are quite common. Offer to seek professional support with her, either through your GP or Relate marriage guidance. She may be feeling she needs to test your love and support, maybe even a cry for attention as she’s feeling unsure about what is happening to her, and doubts her own body is still attractive to you as she ages and notices physical changes.
Just be there for her and try to not take everything she says to heart, remain positive. Good luck with seeking professional help. If she’s not keen on seeking help for herself, there is no reason why you should not seek help on her behalf as her concerned husband, it shows her that you really care and want to help.

Njlong Sat 01-Feb-20 21:22:22

Does it sound like the menopause I’m trying to hang some hope on something. Can it make a lady feel that way

Esspee Sat 01-Feb-20 23:58:12

It most certainly can lead to the reactions you have experienced. Please have her visit her doctor. If there is no other underlying problem then HRT is the solution and should kick in very quickly.
Patches, gel or implants are best. Do not allow the doctor to prescribe the pills.

mumofmadboys Sun 02-Feb-20 04:51:24

Pills are the most common form of HRT and your last sentence Esspee is nonsensical.

BlueBelle Sun 02-Feb-20 07:32:39

njlong in answer to your questing the menopause used to be known as the change the reason was clear the woman is going through huge amounts of change, to her body and to her brain and yes there can be many different symptoms that make her personality (usually temporary) change she could be going through a difficult time feeling her body no longer belongs to her and wanting to be left alone from anybody’s touch and sometimes sex for awhile....... but equally could it be the marriage itself ?
how long have you’ve been together before marrying and how well do you know her? your marriage is very recent was it a whirlwind affair it certainly could be the menopause or it could be that you ve both made a mistake She says she ‘feels trapped’ does that ring any bells?
are you over enthusiastic in your happiness?
are you overwhelming her with your love for her and the marriage? Are you swamping her ?Most importantly dies she have a life outside of you ?
These are important questions for you to explore
I would try to sit down with your lovely wife and ask her if she can honestly answer some questions “It’s not you it’s me”;is a common phase when someone has made a mistake, menopause or not
If you are both convinced it’s the menopause then yes get her to the doctor for a blood test and some reassurance it’s a natural but sometimes scary or annoying process our bodies go through and there are many helps available Herbal or medical (if severe) but first establish what’s wrong
Hope you have a good outcome

bingo12 Sun 02-Feb-20 10:26:53

If you are on face book (if not you can join it) there are groups of menopausal women (world wide) who spell out exactly what they are going through so you can compare them with your wife. Some of their posts are quite overwhelming. If your doctor does not give her HRT (for various reasons) - there are various ''natural'' supplement such as sage leaf which are all on Amazon and are usually effective with hot flashes etc.

Sunnysideup Wed 12-Feb-20 11:11:57

Go on the Menopause matters website . That will give you an idea how some women can feel at menopause. Your wife would find it useful too. What a kind, caring husband you are. Just what she needs.

endlessstrife Wed 12-Feb-20 11:52:12

I realised about three years ago, what was meant by the “ change”. It’s not just a few hot flushes and no periods for lots of women. I felt like I’d gone to sleep and woken up in this “new body”, which isn’t me!! I found websites very helpful. Also, there is a magazine which comes out quarterly I think, called “ Menopause Matters. I pick it up free from Sainsbury’s, but I imagine most stores stock it. There are people she could contact and talk to listed in it.There are so many possible symptoms, too many to list here, and most of us get at least a handful most likely. We were never prepared for it in the same way I’ve prepared my daughters and daughters in law. Try to go along with whatever she wants at the moment, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Kamy Wed 26-Feb-20 12:22:57

Hello, I've just read your message.
This totally resonated with me.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this difficult situation. It is a situation I now recognise. I went through something similar about 5 years ago, at age 56. I tried HRT it made me ill. A friend recommend I try CBD oil, I'd never of heard of it. But I tried it because my life was spiraling out of control. I tried her oil that she used, and I couldn't believe how quickly I started to feel my old self.

It may not work for everyone, but it's worth a try!
I wouldn't be without the oil now.