Decline of the family meal

All through my childhood and teenage years, I dreaded family meals. The dinnertable was the place where my father reprimanded my brother and myself for our crimes (both real and imaginary) and pronounced sentence while we sat in fearful silence. Mealtimes were an ordeal to be survived. At my table today, conversation is welcome and enjoyable, treated as part of good manners, full of interesting discussion. I bet I'm not the only person in their 70s whose "family meals" were a horror!

The only time our house was quiet when I was growing up (family of seven) was when we were all at the table eating! The chat started after the stomachs had been filled.

I love sitting chatting with my daughter over a meal, but I grew up in a big family and we were not allowed to talk at the table as it annoyed my dad after a hard day's work. Mind you, it was a bit chaotic -and now I'm older I can see his point !

bags
We always sat round the table as a family for meals and that's when we heard about their day at school, their problems and had a good old family discussion. The 3 DD's all do the same with their families. None of this eating on the hoof or while gawping at the telly; apart from anything else, it's very uncomfortable eating from a plate on your lap and encourages (in my case) indigestion!

I like that Bags!

Once, when she was seven or eight, I told DD she could "leave the table now". She plonked her elbows on the table, and her chin on her hands, and said: I'm not leaving the table until we've had an interesting conversation. After the guffaws from DH and me, we proceeded to have an interesting conversation, though I've forgotten what the topic was now. Clearly interesting conversations were part of the meal time and we had not fulfilled our obligations that day.

gangy5 I have often had to teach children how to use cutlery during school lunch times. However despite regular family meals my grandchildren are still firmly reminded to 'use your fork not your hands' by their parents! Sometimes it is tricky to pierce the pasta with a fork and quicker to use your fingers

Although he insists on talking at breakfast!

It's usually fairly quiet at our dinner table when it's just DH and me. We both like our food so it's nosebags on, heads down and go!

Many more plusses to all eating at the table. I realize that it's probably what nature intended but we do seem to be reverting to eating food that can be manipulated with the fingers.
A while back I did read that children in the US had to be educated in the use of cutlery. I think that this is a possibility here in some cases. You're going nowhere if you haven't acquired good table manners!!

Greatnan me too!

Yes, I love the family dinner round the table, and our lads have copied us and always eat at the table. It helped them when they became officers in the Australian Army Reserve, and had to go to posh mess dinners: they were used to using good table manners, which some embarrassed junior officers had to learn, rarely having eaten round a table at home.

But regardless of manners, it is better for the digestion, imho, to sit up at a table, than in an armchair, leaning forward. Anyway, I'm far too messy to eat on my lap.

I am quite envious of people who are reserved - I often wish I didn't pour out all my personal details to people I have only just met, but I think I am too old to change. I just can't bear silences so I rush in with anything I can.
There must be a happy medium between my approach and muteness!

Yes, B. A good distinction between being reserved and shyness. My husband is naturally v. reserved but not shy.

I enjoy our companionable silences - on the whole.

yoga and nanaej, I recognise that quietness! I think some people find chatter more difficult than others and are less skilled at it. Sometimes it is reserve rather than shyness, I think.

That's fine if you have a kitchen big enough for a table, nellie.

I believe that the table is the centre of family life,you sit and chat with a cuppa,friends that call in never go to my lounge they head for the kitchen table it is where I always am,we sit and eat our evening meal there and my GD sits and chats when she comes in from school and has a snack there,many fun times have been had around that table .

French restaurants at Sunday lunchtime are filled with inter-generational families and the presence of grandparents seems to produce good behaviour in most children. Sunday lunch can take four hours. Most French workers go home for lunch - 12.10 is a bad time to be on the road. Children get the bus home from school for lunch and then come back. It does mean that those supermarkets that do not close for lunch are very thinly staffed as few
people want to volunteer to miss their family meal.
So ingrained is this homage to lunch, that most towns give free parking between noon and 2.30.
Unfortunately, fast food places are now proliferating and are usually full of young people, so perhaps France is going the way of the UK.

My sisters and I used to share the job of setting the table after we had finished doing our homework,we learnt which way to set out a knife and fork and teacups etc,we would have our meal together and talk about our day,sometimes it would just be mum and us children if dad was working late but he would still eat his meal at the table when he came home,on Sunday teatime mum would do a buffet with jelly and we would tell jokes or play snap or snakes and ladders.
DD has the little ones snack laid out on the table when they come home from school where they have a drink and biscuits whilst they do their homework then she cooks dinner for 6ish for when the big ones are home from school or college,it does seem to keep the big DGCs and the little DGCs in touch with what is going on in their lives.

yogagran sometimes my OH can go silent too! Find that if we are going through a quiet phase I try to lfind a lighthearted news item and talk about it & it usually gets us chatting again! Anything too serious I find does not work for us!

I completely agree with nanaej that meals are more than the food, they are a social occasion, but I just can't get my OH to agree. When he and I are on our own for a meal at home he does not speak at all. Sometimes I have said something like "you're very quiet" and he says that he's concentrating on eating. Perhaps I should take it as a compliment that he still likes my cooking after all these years but I do wish that we could have a conversation over the meal. It's very different when family are here and the chat flows between everyone freely

Family meals are more than food. They can be great social events but as more family members work, maybe at different times, the opportunity for meals together are fewer. We try hard to have a big get together once a month with both DDs and SiLs plus DGC but it gets to be a squeeze round the table..but always fun!

jingl I like your arrangement. Shared mealtimes can be the best time for family to come together and exchange each other's highs and lows.

Have always sat round the kitchen table for dinner Monday to Friday, Sundays in the dining room if other family members are here, Saturday by the fire in the living room with the telly. Must have some treats. Now, of course, it's usually just DH and me. Still the same routine.

Good for family life.

I think children benefit from family meals, but sometimes, even 30 or more years ago, it wasn't always possible. We often ate in shifts because of everyone's commitments. But the one thing we always tried to do was the full Sunday lunch, in the dining room, done properly, and they all still remember that, as a family occasion.

None of DC's families eat in front of the TV on a regular basis, but then, one lot have a TV in every conceivable room...but most eat as a family whenever possible - and that, I think, is the key!