Tia

Even I had a strong reaction to Diana's death and I'm about as uninterested in the Royals as it is possible to be. I'm not what I felt counts as grief, but it was a strong emotion. People find ways to express such things. Cards, teddy bears, candles, notes. All that may seem pointless to some of us, but I think we should be tolerant of things we don't understand and not negative.

That said, I hate the pressure that I feel to send xmas cards "because it is expected". I guess there might be some of that going on – doing what others are doing, just because it's "the thing to do". So what? We're herd animals.

As someone who had quite a strong emotional reaction to Diana's death I would like to know what you mean by pseudo grief nanaej.

Sadly many young women who work hard and are good mothers die tragically young.
Diana had a public persona so we all had an image of her but IMO she was no more worthy of the huge outpouring of what I considered as pseudo grief than other people who have been killed in traffic accidents or other tragic circumstances who also may have lived interesting /troubled/ useful lives.

Nobody thought she was perfect; that's what they liked.The Royals just wanted to brush the whole thing under the carpet, but the people spoke. the press didn't instigate it; it fuelled itself in a short space of time. I think it was Tolstoy who said something about people en masse changing world events; that leaders became leaders because of an unspoken need by the people for that person to lead them. Perhaps we sometimes still act like wildebeast [or, unforunately like lemmings..[.confused]].

Crimson I was surprised to find myself very upset when Diana died. Not logical I know.

I think she represented something a lot of people could relate to. I liked the way she challenged the conventions and wasn't a team player in 'the firm'. What a breath of fresh air she was compared to the rest of them.

Of course she wasn't blameless in the marriage problems with Charles but she did have a lot to cope with, what with Camilla and the uptight royals.

anagram well said.

I think the facebook/twitter generation are so used to putting their feelings out in public, and then competing with each other, eg. "mine's better than yours" "No,it isn't, and here's a photo to prove it", that they feel they have to be seen to make a statement when someone dies in tragic circumstances.

Agree , she wasn"t totally blameless

I'm afraid I still don't understand it. She did good works, but was in a position to do so, and I can't believe Charles was the only one at fault in that marriage. It was sad that she died so young, leaving her sons motherless, but that's all. I can't feel it was the huge tragedy that the world's media made it out to be at the time.

Soop you have the same funeral plans as me. Except I want Orinoco flow.

Well said, crimson. You have summed up the ways in which she touched so many people's lives.

The grief over Diana was without precedent; what I felt was being felt by people all over the country at the same time..people weren't copying each other. There was the frightening aspect of the fact that, if it could happen to someone like her it could happen to anyone. And I'd never thanked her; I meant to thank her for what she did about landmines;also to tell her how I understood what it was like to be in an unhappy marriage and have issues about weight and public image. How she went out and touched people, mentally and physically [touching the kings evil; she reinvented it]. I respected the way she was raising her boys [didn't she do well]. The Monarchy needed to people to tell them how to go about things [indeed, how to save themselves; it worked]. And the pain of being a mother of a son the same age as William and understanding what he had lost. It's a week that will be etched in my memory forever.

Nor me Nonu I found it embarrassing.

I never quite understood the "Diana thing " !

Worst type of message has to be "fallen soldjah" or something like that not for an actual soldier but usually fatally stabbed black gang member, I don't think some kids realise the enormity of a young person meeting their end in this horrible way.

There are definitely some teenagers who love sobbing, hugging and attaching cliche ridden notes, written in round baby writing with sentiments such as "never forget you babe" and "heaven must have needed another angel". Thing is they do forget and can move on but the parents never can.

It's the groups of sobbing teenagers clutching each other and all but rending their garments with grief that bemuse me. They may have attended the same school as the victim, but couldn't all have known her/him personally. I doubt whether some of them ever knew who they were when they were alive.

I too dislike the shrines and so on, it seems ironic and illogical that as society becomes more secular, people feel the need to indulge in these pseudo religious practices.
However alison, I don't think the neighbours' distress is necessarily false, just because they didn't know Tia personally. A violent death is shocking in any circumstances and to have it happen on your own doorstep literally unbelievable.
When I was at school, a woman was murdered in some woods nearby and this haunted me for a long time afterwards. I remember also being terribly upset by the Moors murders - my friends and I used to go hiking not far from where the children were buried.

baNANA Baby Peter's tragic short life broke my heart. The scores of floral tributes and cuddly toys left in his memory could have done far more good as donations to the NSPCC.

I wonder if it's some sort of extension of the strange storylines they put in soaps these days. Years ago I used to watch Coronation Street and it contained gentle storylines about everyday folk. Now they all seem to be about horrific accidents and murders. I gave up watching anything like that a long time ago [although it might have all started with a body under the patio storyline in Brookside, which I did think was a good soap in it's day].

baNANA I do agree about the public, high profile shrines..It feels to me as if it is somehow more about the people who go rather than the person who has lost their life. Many people go and leave flowers etc I thought the Diana response was quite odd.

It would be better to donate to a charity , e.g NSPCC, when a child is murdered and then to grieve privately. I can understand close friends and relatives wanting to visit a place of death but there are often 'band wagon' mourners too who have no real connection with the deceased person at all. Such as seen with the mass of flowers when Diana died. Most of those who laid flowers only new her media persona, not her at all. I personally feel that is less, rather than more, respectful.

I agree about the neighbours, Alison. Quite often all they can say about the deceased or the family members is that they 'used to see them out and about' or 'she kept herself to herself but she seemed a lovely lady'. I think the interviewers are sometimes just desperate to speak to anyone, however remotely connected.

AlisonMA, I do agree with you I just think some people thrive on drama and want to turn everything into a giant sob fest. I feel those who have been directly affected by this tragedy should be left to grieve in peace, it's not a reality show.

I think people just want to show solidarity and sympathy to the family who have lost a child in awful circumstances and putting all those flowers toys etc; down show that. People feel helpless in these circumstances and this is how they show their feelings.

I also dislike all the tributes to someone they do not know and have made it very clear to my family that, if I die in a road accident, they are not to let anyone leave anything at the scene as I would think it tacky. They can have as many flowers as they like at my funeral as I have always loved it when someone brings me flowers. No sombre attire and everyone who comes to my funeral must wear something red and then party and say how wonderful I was before getting on with their lives.

Does anyone else think that the 'neighbours' interviewed by the media and who didn't know the person often seem to be falsely upset?