US execution

This might will show my ignorance, but from reading this thread the penal system seems to be run on a state by state basis. What happens about welfare and access to "health care?" Is that a nationally organised concern?

The USA is actually a federation of states rather than one unitary state. There are some functions where the state has authority and others where a function is a federal responsibility; like defence or foreign affairs.

I thought welfare and most aspects of health care were state responsibilities but it could be that Obamacare has more to do with the financing of health care for certain groups of people rather than its organisation.

Phew! You can stop worrying about the US:

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'

'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'

without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. 4th July will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.

They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

That's alright then

!

Sel

Is this really a thread for humour, however witty?

Well, we do call it gallows humour, don't we?

Ha! Ha! Seems pretty sick to me but then I don't have a sense of humour.

Sel ,loved it you are on very goooood form this afternoon !

I have read this before and I laughed at it then and I laughed now - but it doesn't address the yawning chasm between the US's so-called civilisation and a penal system which is not far out of the dark ages.

Land of the free?? Really? - tell that to the underclass who cannot afford legal representation. Tell that to the states where rape, incest and domestic violence leave women as underprivileged as we were in Victorian times. Tell that to the states who still "electrocute" their convicted criminals and boast about letting them "fry".

I have met some wonderful, educated, liberal, kind and enlightened Anmericans, so I am not "knocking" but there are also some antediluvian redneck attitudes in areas where you do not want to be black, hispanic or poor.

I like America !!

I see you are back on form too, Nonu.

You are right, gracesmum; there is a lot to be done in the name of true democracy in the States, even though, as you say, there are many, many enlightened people. Sheer parochialism is a huge issue in all this.

We've travelled extensively in the USA, for which I have a great affection, but it in no way precludes a clear look at what's wrong.

Mind you, who are we to talk??!

nothing like a sunshine break , eh what !!

Am I the only person who feels this thread isn't an ideal place for 'jokes'

Iam64 No – see above.

That makes 3 of us at least.

But there will always be people who prefer to "always look on the bright side of death , de dum de dum de dum de dum"

I thought it made a serious point about the gun issue in America but in a light hearted way. A bit like the article I read byJohn Finnemore about the badger cull that was incredibly funny but, at the same time put forward the best case I've heard thus far against culling them. Sometimes humour is a good way of highlighting the bad things that us humans do [think Have I Got New for You and things like that]. A master at that [especially when it come to critiscising his own country] is Rich Hall.

Might have to agree to differ, Tegan*! I enjoyed Sel's quoted joke and have no problem with it per se , but felt that "Phew we can stop worrying about the US" trivialised this appalling example of the US penal system at its worst. Sometimes a joke only serves to deflect justified indignation at an example of gross inhumanity. I fear there are some times when humour just doesn't sit comfortably in this sort of context.