Same sex marriages now legal

mcem congratulations I also have a daughter getting married this year .

I think it's great that anyone who wants to, can get married.

I came to the conclusion a long time ago that sexuality is a continuum, with heterosexuality sort of in the middle and we are all somewhere on that line. Maybe that's my way of making sense of it.

Ariadne I also tried to work out why you mention shaving!

Sorry Aka, can't agree that it's ok to trivialise such a significant event in anyone's life by using such terms. Live and let live = tolerant. Whatever floats their boat = minor issue and not worthy of serious discussion. I admit however that my opinion may be coloured by the fact that some posters do tend to dismiss issues which are taken more seriously by others -often with a trite, throwaway one-liner!
On the other hand I'm happy to pass on the warm wishes!

Well said, Grannyknot.

Civil marriage is not an option in Scotland yet, as I said, but I'm not clear of the significant differences between the 2 institutions. This week, my girls will be organising the paperwork with the registrar and I do hope that after that appointment they may be able to explain it more clearly to me.
On a less serious note to Grannyknot - imagine the fuss of dress and everything else x 2!

I think it's just being light-hearted mcem and not meant to give offence. I'll pass on good wishes too.

Incidentally I read that those already in Civil Partnerships are not able to get married.

I admit I'm confused about the details. If I do get clarification, I'll pass on any useful info.
My niece was married with full nuptial mass. Her brother was married in a hotel by a Church of Scotland minister. Other 2 nephews were married in hotels by registrars. Looking at the registrar's website the suggested vows seem almost identical to the vows made by my nephews apart from the words Marriage and Civil Partnership.

Oops, mcem you did explain that. I got carried away with the excitement of the thought of 2 people in love making a commitment.

I can just imagine the x 2! My daughter's fiance is a snappy dresser, so in a way we have that too

We have 2 very different personalities but absolutely sure of what they want. I've found it interesting when people ask what the girls will wear. When told that they've both opted for ivory dresses, the next question is always whether the dresses are the same or different? Next question usually concerns how they'll walk down the aisle. I haven't found any questions intrusive and everyone I've spoken to seems genuinely interested and supportive although it's a new experience for all of us. One exception who would prefer to politely ignore it, is an elderly, staunchly catholic couple who have never discussed the fact that their own daughter is gay. It's simply an issue which is not raised.

We've got that in my family, mcem. One of my male cousins is gay and he dealt with it by leaving home and his country (South Africa) at the age of 17, he got a music scholarship first to the Royal Academy of Music, and from there he went to study and work in Germany and has been there ever since.

His parents were (only one is still alive) very conservative and over the years we have just accepted that he has "friends" and my aunt likes to say "He has never met the right woman". He seems happy enough on the rare occasions when I do see him, but he has achieved what happiness he has found by totally compartmentalising* his life. No one ever mentions the obvious, and I wouldn't want to upset him (or my aunt for that matter) by broaching the subject. So I take the "mind your own business" approach. But all of us cousins fully expect him to finally come out when his mother dies.

*if that's a word!

That's interesting grannyknot. In our family we had a dearly-loved aunt who was divorced after a brief and unhappy marriage. She had a lifelong friend, spent most of her time with her, went on holiday together even went abroad to work together for several years but latterly each lived with an elderly mother. Both mothers died within a short space of time and we asked if aunt and friend were considering sharing a home together. They wouldn't think of it because 'people would talk'.
My daughter who was very fond of her funny and slightly dotty aunt, is convinced that the 2 of them had a gay relationship although they didn't come out. I'm equally convinced that they didn't because it was simply unthinkable in their social circle.
Had they been of my daughter's generation I believe they might have done. I find it quite difficult to convince my daughter that she is so fortunate to have been born when she was, as she has choices and freedoms that earlier generations couldn't imagine.

In our family, my father's cousin was what was then known as 'a confirmed bachelor', a very good musician and an educationalist who was awarded a CBE for services to education, a very kind man who gave me sixpence for playing a tune on the piano for him - badly! His sister, a teacher, had a friend with whom she shared a house for many years - till death did them part. There is some dispute in the family about the nature of the relationship but I am sure that it was a 'partnership'. Sad that her brother couldn't or didn't have similar arrangement but I think it was more acceptable then for two single women to share a home than for two single men.

One of my mother's male cousin, and my dad's favourite sister, committed suicide because they were gay- wonderful and talented people both- hoe tragic. I wish all those finding happiness at last yesterday a very happy life together.

I do have mixed feelings about adoption by gay couples though, I have to admit.

I've had mixed feelings about gay marriage, it doesn't somehow feel quite right. But, hey, we need more love in the world, and if it makes them happy then why not? So, - Good luck to all gay people who are getting married. (they are going to need, possibly, if it is anywhere near as difficult as heterosexual marriage!!!)

Relationships are fascinating, aren't they. I remember as a child sitting in on the grownups gossiping talking about a "spinster" (as they were in those days) whose mother encouraged the middle aged daughter's affair with a married man, because she knew that way the daughter wouldn't get married and leave home. The affair was common knowledge in the town where I grew up, but again, nothing was ever said. What made it stick in my mind (to this day!) is because all that sort of thing, affairs etc seemed so mysterious and daring to me as an 11 year old.

I was one of those kids that always hung around the grown ups = nosy!

Sorry bit off topic.

Granjura that's an interesting aside. We've had the conversation about babies and DD has told me that it's unlikely they'll provide more GCs for me. If however they have a rethink they'll consider adoption. When I asked why, she surprised me by saying that because she'd had such a good experience ( being adopted at 6 weeks of age) she felt she'd want to give something back. Cue wiping away a tear!

mcem your daughter is so fortunate to have such a caring, loving and understanding mother. I hope that you all enjoy the happy day, whenever it is.

And so do I, mcem! You clearly have a lovely relationship with your daughter, and the celebration will be joyous, I am sure.

(Thoughtless comments can feel hurtful, but are usually just thoughtless, no more.)

There are G'netters on here that feel strongly 'for' gay marriages, maybe for personal reasons, however they mustn't resent others for having mixed feelings about it all or indeed feeling just as strongly against it as they are 'for ' it. I am one who feels it is wrong, I feel that marriage is just for a man and a woman, though I did think it was high time for gay people to have civil partnerships, to have their recognition of their 'togetherness' and also the full legal backing. Homosexuals have been treated badly in this country for so long [and even worse in many other countries.]But for marriage [and also adopting children] then my considered view is a no.Marriage should be for a husband and bride not a husband/husband or bride/bride.However, it's law now, and has to be accepted, that doesn't mean that we all like it.

My comments on this subject are not thoughtless by the way, but just my reaction , I would not want to lie about it by agreeing[and indeed why should I?]

Thank you. Roll on July! It isn't all roses as we've had the sisters falling out over the different roles in the wedding but with 4 beautiful GCs/ nieces and nephews in attendance ( including GS in his 'quilt' ) I 'm sure I'll be a proud mum and gran. A huge bonus has been the level of co-operation between ex-husband and super new wife and myself! By the way GS's quilt must have coloured squares which I think we can manage. The family of her other half is also well represented and even without a bridegroom we'll have a full turnout of brothers/cousins and friends looking great in kilts ( or quilts).

I fully understand that many have reservations and willingly accept that there are carefully thought-out and objective views but when it comes to the happiness of my family I 'm not objective and neutral and don't accept that my daughter has to settle for less than what makes her happy. If one isn't emotionally involved it's easier to be objective.

I'm delighted that at last gay and lesbian couples can now get married. After thousands of years of persecution gay people are now to be treated like anyone else. Some of us are old enough to remember when being a homosexual was illegal, men were imprisoned for it. Did you know that a gay language had evolved so that some conversation could take place without ease droppers understanding. It was called palare [pronounce pa-lah-rah] and you would have heard it on Round the Horne with the famous Jules and Sandy, played by Kenneth Williams and Hugh Paddock . Do you remember the phrase 'vada the eeks on that one' or 'lallies' etc.
It's wonderful at last. It won't stop the usual narrow minded but that is their problem , at least in the eyes of the law perfectly legal. Law abiding hard working couples of the same sex can get married and have families of their own like any other married couple.

Love is what matters. It is not important how it expresses itself, whether it is sexual or not, whether people plan children or not, whether they are old or young........there is little enough love and loyalty to be found and I care not one whit who the participants in that love might be, as long as their relationship is honest and loyal, unexploitative and kind. It all adds to the sum of human happiness; and it is a joy that no honest love is degraded and no-one need feel persecuted.

roses I assure you that I would never think you thoughtless!