--crap-- keepsakes on graves

I'm quite glad the vicars allow this. Shows there is some compassion left in the world.

I don't think it is anything to do with Vicars.

Indeed- most Church graveyards do not accept any more burials in the grounds of the Church.

Who then, if not the vicar? I've definitely seen sad little teddy bears and the like on quite recent churchyard graves.

I think the Parish Council have an input here as well as the Church, and I guess it all depends on their attitude. We can only hope for compassion from everyone concerned.

Please read my posts properly. My point is about things left to rot and decay on graves not about things being placed and replaced.

The parties I know of have included alcohol and loud music. How does that respect the dead and how does that respect the needs of other people visiting/tending to graves?

Soontobe...it is the decaying rubbish that bothers me. Why would anyone want to turn a grave into a tip?

To be fair, VQ, your OP seemed to be mainly concerned with crap tributes etc. being placed on graves, not specifically rotting teddies.

I'm sure no one would deliberately want to turn a grave into a tip, and I'm sure your point has been taken, but others are allowed to have their opinions too, surely?

Without wishing to comment on the rights/wrongs of leaving mementoes on graves I do have some insight into the position of our local authority on this issue. DS worked for local council planning dept during his summer hols from uni and one of his jobs was to survey all cemeteries under their control. One of the reasons for leaving graves clear is so that the maintenance crews can mow the grass and keep cemetery looking tidy. Headstones are also inspected for stability (health & safety regs) and if any defects are found the families are notified so they can have them repaired. It is easier to do this if stones are uncluttered. DS visited every LA cemetery in the region to carry out these inspections.

chocolate pudding

My post at 13.19 did mention the fact people may or may not be able to visit regularly. People may live miles away from the grave site.

What an awful experience you had visiting your sisters grave. Shocking.

I think it is a reasonable point to make and you are lucky you now have somebody to look after your sisters grave as you no longer live near by.

The more I have thought about this the more I have come to the conclusion everybody has a right to a view but if you don't know the story behind the life of the person buried or the grieving process of those who have left their remembrance objects maybe that is all you are entitled to, your view.

If the boot was on the other foot and you were told by somebody who thinks your idea of a grave site is cold, lacking in love and dishonouring your loved one buried there you would quite rightly be insensed , furious, apoplectic. They wouldn't be doing anything different though to somebody calling their loved ones grave full of crap and disrespecting their loved one. Both are expressing a personal view but sometimes views are best kept private given both comments can cause so much insensitivity to people who have enough of a problem dealing with the ultimate heartache of loosing a child/loved one.

Plastic toys do not rot, or not in our lifetime, anyway. Just thought I'd say. It would be better if they did.

We do not have a grave for my husband, but we have a seat at Beamish Museum. Every year we put tinsel on it at Christmas, but take it down on twelfth night. They have decorations up all over the place, so I see no reason why we shouldn't. The grandchildren like to think that grandad has not been forgotten.

Galen, my parents always wanted to go on a cruise, but never did. When my dad died, we put his ashes in the River Humber at the Humber Bridge. A week after that, my mother died, so hers followed quite soon. We like to think of them being in the Mediterranean together.

When I go to the beach, I shall wave and salute those whose ashes have been cast at sea and found their way to New Zealand. durhamjen The Tasman is so much nicer and less polluted than the Med so I hope they have found their way here. I'll salute them anyway, just in case..

The O/P speaks of crap tributes - why would you want to cover a grave with crape tributes , only after this opinion of tributes some choose to leave does rotting teddies get a mention

The first time I saw one of these graves, on a country walk, I was so upset I came home and just sat in my bedroom for hours while the rest of the family carried on with Sunday downstairs. Ridiculous looking back on it. It was shortly after I'd had my son. They can inflict sadness on others.

These days I just feel a fleeting sadness.

Happy thread this, isn't it?

Personally my heart goes out to the parents and relations when I see a grave covered in toys etc., When my mum passed away the old Irish Priest wouldn't allow me to put the lovely flowers I had bought on the coffin while it was in the church.

He had upset quite a few people by not allowing anything at all on the coffins.

My local authority won't allow headstones because they say it interferes with grass cutting. I have a nice white marble vase for my parents with their names and dates on each side.

My DH's name is in a Book of Remembrance - it's very beautiful.

Personally my heart goes out to the parents and relations when I see a grave covered in toys etc., When my mum passed away the old Irish Priest wouldn't allow me to put the lovely flowers I had bought on the coffin while it was in the church.

He had upset quite a few people by not allowing anything at all on the coffins.

My local authority won't allow headstones or any surrounds because they say it interferes with grass cutting and there is a risk of the headstones falling down.

I have a nice white marble vase for my parents with their names and dates on each side.

My DH's name is in a Book of Remembrance - it's very beautiful.

Whoops - sorry posted twice.

Some years ago we attended the funeral of a West Indian friend, after the coffin had been lowered into the ground everyone stood around the grave, bottles of rum were opened and everyone had a drink and a glass full was also poured onto the coffin - a last drink with an old friend.

At my daughter's friends mother's funeral, an Irish do in Oxford- the preferred drink poured on the coffin was Irish whiskey.........

My parents loved a party, and I'm sure they prick their ears up at the sound of any village revels! I know for certain that tributes to a beloved child, or anyone else come to that wouldn't bother them in the slightest. We all have our own way of doing things and one man's meat is another's poison! If it helps grieving parents/relations then it's ok by me. FGS, so long as it's properly looked after, why does it matter?! When or if it's not, then 'debris' can be either removed, or neatly put to one side. I just can't see this as a problem.

I know many people hate rules- but sometimes they make things easier. I like the fact the council workers here have the right to remove rotting flowers and artefacts as and when they become unsightly and messy around the graveyards. It is much harder for the grieving family to do so themselves- and perhaps easier to explain to a child- that the rotting teddybear, or whatever, is no longer there.

Good post POGS

It sounds as if they have struck the right balance where you live granjura. How sensible to have the system you described, that way I imagine, everyone is happy and no song and dance about perceived indignities from anyone. Spot on I'd say.

Do modern, synthetic teddies rot or do they just get a bit grubby-looking? I suppose they might begin to disintegrate if they were made of biodegradable plastic.

My teddy, Timothy, was made of hessian and wool and he was stuffed with straw. He would have rotted except I wore him out, so to speak. My brother jumped on him and broke his squeak.

Absent, I'm not sure what my dad would think about being in the Tasman Sea. My mum was engaged to a Tasmanian soldier before she met my dad.
He went to war and never came back to Yorkshire. Do not know any more about it.